hello,
we received a letter today stating that my husband of 3 years had a daughter with the author of the letter. She doesn't know for sure if my husband is the father; she presumed it was another guy, who was paying child support and helping her for 17 years. He did a DNA test and found out he is not the father. this woman thinks my husband could be the father ( they had a brief affair, pretty much a one night stand 17 years ago). My husband is willing to take the DNA test. I am so TORN and hurt, and confused. I feel cheated although I only met him 3 years ago, and God knows I had no way of knowing I will marry him 17 years ago. we didn't even live in the same country. Anyway....I am just trying to cope. I feel like I had a great and happy life with him, and all of a sudden it is being changed for worse. Is there any mature and Christian way to deal with these emotions? I am just hurt and sad...
2007-07-07 18:21:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Did you know your husband had sex before meeting you? If you did, you have no right to be hurt or sad. Any woman who is with a man who had sex in the past is possibly with a man who has a child. So what? You love and are committed to this man, so deal with it. Besides, has your husband even taken the DNA test yet?
Stop being irrational. Pull your chin up and stop feeling like a victim. Love your husband and if it is his daughter, get to know her as a member of the family.
2007-07-07 18:29:01 · answer #1 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would your life be changed for the worse? So he had a one night stand 17 years ago. There is a girl out there who doesn't know who her father is!! Don't you think the Christian thing to do here is support your husband and let him try to form some sort of relationship with this girl? Let him take the DNA test. He doesn't even know for sure yet. If the result is positive, welcome this girl into your life with open arms. It's not her fault her mother slept around like she did.....I get so upset when people claim to be "Christian" and have no idea how to handle difficult situations in life. Do you think Jesus would be hurt and sad? She is one of his children too.... Stop being such a drama queen, pick up your bible and start living it! Sorry to go off but this topic always strikes a nerve with me. Good luck :)
2007-07-07 20:16:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely, that's no longer a staggering family for any newborn to stay in. and because you husband may be the organic and organic father of this newborn, (if he's) You 2 can see a criminal expert and take the youngster into your care. Now you're able to think of you do no longer go with to so this however the mum, in basic terms needs money does not paintings and has 5 young ones and her boyfriend has been out and in of penitentiary. i think of via seeing a criminal expert you would be putting your husband newborn out of harms way and showing them a greater proper existence. the different infants might probably take transport of recent residing house, so as that they could all adventure happy lives as nicely. Please help those infants, see a criminal expert/decide. :)
2016-10-20 06:17:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing much you can do but just face it..Your husband did nothing wrong..he did not cheat..you and husband have to get together in this matter..Let him take the DNA..and if he is the father, you both have to accept the child and move on..anywhere this child (no longer a child) is almost 18..it is all fair for this child to know the father.
I understand you being upset but this is life, some of these things do happen
GOOD LUCK..
2007-07-07 18:50:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately i am dealing with the same situation, only i am the other woman who had the baby....i did not know he was married, nor did his wife know about me and our relationship. now my baby is 5 months old and he is nowhere to be found. i recommend that you do not fault the other woman. your husband should have told you from the start about his afair, and what possible consequences that might occur. keep your head up and pray on the situation. god is taking you through this to see how strong you are. and you really have to be strong not only for yourself but for your husband. you never know what is going through his mind and how he really feels. keep and open mind about everything and don't forget to pray......i wish you the best of luck!
ps: if the dna test turns out to be your husbands child, embrace that child, it is not his/her fault. learn to make a horrible situation into a beautiful learning lesson. i did and i am happy as can be now...
2007-07-07 18:33:00 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so your unhappy about this. Hello this was 17 years ago. So his past shouldn't have you so stressed out. OK so he might be the father, but he didn't cheat on you. what were you doing 17 years or even 4 years ago. whats happened, happened a long time ago and he needs your support to overcome this and if he is the father, he has to live up to his obligations towards the child. I can understand you saying your saddened by this, but hurt, why?.
2007-07-07 20:04:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have lost your focus. The focus should be on your husband, not on you. This is not, in any way, about You. Don't you think your husband is in need of some major emotional support from you now. Don't you think that he is hurt, and confused and sad? Quit thinking about yourself. This was not his fault and there is nothing he could have done to change things, there was no reason for him to bring this up before as he knew nothing about it.
2007-07-07 18:32:05 · answer #7 · answered by lyllyan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you feel hurt? This had nothing to do with you and your marriage now. Were you a saint for those 14 years before you married this man? He may want to find out the legal ramifications of this. He may have to pay for 17 years of back child support. Are you both ready for that?
Think about, it may not be his child either.
2007-07-07 18:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are hurt because he did 'what' to you? You are 'torn and confused' between and about what?" He didn't love you at the time of this occurance. Other than have a quick sexual involvement with someone......what did he do worth this response from you? You are letting him down and somehow talking like you are entitled to be the one upset. If you want to look at the bigger picture....how about that poor child....what do you think is happening there (to the possible daughter of your loving life partner.....) Look at that poor guy that has paid out alot of money and on top of that, could now be losing his daughter.The Christian response is not hard to figure out: "Love thy neighbor..."
2007-07-07 18:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by tlbrown42000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't hurt you. He did absolutely nothing to betray you. Simply put, this is NOT about YOU. He is the one who may or may not have a child who he didn't have the chance to know for the past 17 years. He's the one who may be facing child support for 1 year. Stop trying to make this about you and try to understand what must be going through his mind and his heart.
2007-07-07 18:31:59 · answer #10 · answered by Tom K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋