My husband and I have been married 18 years. Two years ago he decided to return to school to pursue a masters in education. He was taking night classes, working on school projects and working days (we never saw him except for weekends). I work full-time and had full responsibility for our home and children. Now that he's graduated, he tells me that he loves a woman he has been having an affair with. They were in classes together and have been having an affair for about 6 months. She filed for divorce after meeting my husband - he says she was never happily married and it has nothing to do with their relationship. He says he loves her but doesn't want to leave me or my kids. I'm so confused. I love him with all my heart and don't know if counseling will help. I've asked him to go to marriage counseling - he's not sure it will help so he doesn't want to go. Should I give up or try to win him back? If he cheats once will he cheat again?
2007-07-07 17:49:11 · 16 answers · asked by Michelle R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound like a nice Lady, and he's taking advantage of your "good nature". During 18 years of marriage, you've had to put up with a lot of crap I'm sure. My take on it is this...I would leave that joker, high and dry, with his cheap tramp, and move on. This is the only life you get....make it better for yourself, than trying to get a cheater, to quit cheating. Life is TOO short for that! Good Luck!!
2007-07-07 18:01:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally,I think that you still love your husband but cheating hurts and especially when he lied to you for weeks upon end. It is hard to imagine your life without that one person that you've been with for so long. He is all you know so of course you're going to scared to loose him. He is your best friend and it would seem crazy to give him up, but you never know what life has in store for you. You may feel that there is no one left out there for you or that you'll never find anyone. You're still young and life has endless possibilities.
2016-04-01 02:48:19 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that once a cheater always a cheater, I think that people can change, if they want to and for the right person for them.........I think as much as it hurts, leave while you still have your dignity, why should you or he be unhappy? its going to hurt but realistically a break-up or divorce is inevitable, I wish you the best I do but really dont you think you deserve better> its going to hurt, you are going to shed a tear or two but if you dont do it now you will become resentful and look back at the time you wasted......He wasted your time and you didnt know it, but if you stay you are giving up time of your life for a man that doesnt value it.........Good luck
Also counseling isnt going to help or bring him back, if hes claiming he loves this woman a doctor cant bring him back and if a doc could do you really want your hubby to stay cause he was convinced or guilt tripped?!
2007-07-07 17:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not willing to try counseling then he's not willing to put 100% towards saving the relationship. If "he's not sure it will help", then he's not sure about you. Do you really want to be with a man who may not love you with all his heart but feels he must stay with you out of duty to you and the children? He's made his decisions by acting on feelings he has for another woman and by not giving you that 100% effort. It's time for you to make your decisions.
2007-07-07 17:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by Hokie_Pokey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First he CHOOSE to have an affair which already put your marriage at risk. He then says " he loves her but doesn't want to leave me or my kids". If this happen to me I would kick his *** out the door and get the best lawyer in town to sue the pants out of him.
BTW -on the way out out some spurs on your shoes so the kick is even better.
2007-07-07 18:04:19 · answer #5 · answered by ensoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you know if you can truely forgive him and move on but I dont believe once a cheater always a cheater my husband cheaped on his 2 exwifes but he has never cheated on me in 8 years so I dont believe that Counseling will help you and you should go even if he dont you are going to have alot of emotion that you can share with a counselor and its truely personal time and it will help you with whatever you decide to do Good Luck and I wish you happiness,You dont seem to take time for you and maybe counseling will help you do that
2007-07-07 17:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by Tammy R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's clear he let himself become tempted and fell for someone else. A man who makes you cry isn't worth it, and the one who is won't make you cry.
He will cheat again. You can bet on it. Take him to divorce court for everything he's got. That should be his punishment for straying.
2007-07-07 18:25:52 · answer #7 · answered by Beautiful Chaos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally couldn't stay married to a man that I knew was carrying on a relationship, and in love with, another woman.
It would ruin me mentally.
Do what's best for you.
2007-07-07 17:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Kaja 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that sorry no good son of a B .well he wants his cake and to eat it to . i say kick him to the curb if he loved you he would not be in love with her or you could try to date some one else to i bet he wont like that anymore then you do that just may make him stop seeing her i am so sorry you have to go through this
2007-07-07 17:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by teadropsue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is your self esteem that low to still deal with this selfish pig??? honey wake up, he cannot have his cake and eat it too, dont you think your better than this??? does he have you that contained to actually believe him??? wake up hun, he does not love you if he is cheating, a real man spends time with his family, and a real man is a faithful husband to his wife.. he likes the games, and if you have kids, he does not love them either, by cheating, he is selfish, move on and divorce him...
2007-07-08 06:59:41 · answer #10 · answered by amy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋