My sister and husband cheated on me 10 years ago?

Question

I left my husband 5 years ago. Now my sister wants to make up. neither of them ever apologised or explained why they did it. I haven't spoken to her for 10 years. Am I wrong not to forgive and forget?

Answer 1

While I agree that this that happened to you is a HORRIBLE, traumatic thing, I'd say think of yourself and your health.

Humans are special pieces of "equipment".... We are made up of different parts -and if one part is sick the others will get sick too- sooner or later...! If your head is ill, your emotions and body will follow. If your heart and feelings are poisoned, your mind and body will suffer.....
..................................................

Perhaps you could consider looking for alternatives so you can HEAL yourself. Forget about them- Karma will get them.

Concentrate on making yourself happy and on trying to see each day as a blessing, and as a chance to be a good person. Look for whatever works for you- some people seek solace in religion or meditation; some go to therapy or counseling; some exercise a lot; some stay really busy or get into a hobby.....Do whatever gives you peace and helps you feel better.

Forgive yourself for feeling angry- I don't mean to say you shouldn't be...NO WAY! ......... OF COURSE you are entitled to feeling like you do !!! But try to take it a day at a time....

Some people will say "forgive and forget" but that is baloney...Giving advice is SO much easier than following it!
Take your time and do what feels right -when it feels right.
Good luck, honey.

Answer 2

Nina, I am in the same boat, with the exception that my wife spilled the beans after being caught. Thank God they didn't consummate the relationship but, a couple more weeks would have done the trick. My wife apologized my brother never has. He can't, if he acknowledged it, he would loose his wife and his church (he's a pastor). I call him a hypocrite! However, if he fessed up and then apologized and I said no, who then is the hypocrite. Accept the apology, but, you don't have to accept her back in your life. You may not be a religious person so if not forget the next paragraph, if so, read on.

King David murdered the husband of the lady he was having an affair with after he (the King) got her pregnant. A prophet told him, God said he is going to wipe him off the face of the world for it. That means he would have never existed in the books printed his family would die, the whole king David line would be less than history. King David apologized, and pretty sincerely too. After the apology God said the line would continue but, the child he had come to love would die. All the praying and fasting in the world didn't do any good, and God took the child. Moral of the story? God may forgive the sin, but he doesn't pull the punishment for it! Your sister deserves to be forgiven, but, punishment still needs to be administered! You get to choose. The sin was against you. And God.

Answer 3

If neither of them apologize why deal with them??

Even if they explained why it won't matter to you because they still cheated together. Forget wanting to know why ... I can tell you that...Because they were being selfish jerks thinking with the wrong "head".

I think you need to forgive just so you can move on with your life. You are still living in what happened all those years ago.

You will never forget this. and you shouldn't but you can work past the pain of it. Time doesn't heal all things, it is what you do with that time can brings about healing.

Answer 4

Blood is thicker than water. Your ex turned out to be a turd. Now is the time to listen to your sister, as she can be more honest since the husband is out of the picture. Maybe she never apologized because she knew there were not enough words to ever get forgiveness. She may be a changed person. You have little to lose, lend her your ear.....

Answer 5

Anger is like cancer, it'll rot you from the inside out. You can only carry this burden for so long. At some point, you'll have to let it go or you'll be consumed. I would definitely have a serious talk with your sister.
Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is a totally different creature. I could forgive, but not forget.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to say this but she is your sister and blood is thicker than water.The thing that people forget is that everynight we pray that the LORD forgives us our sins ,he never says give me $5000 for emotional distress or even question why we did what we did ,He just forgives us.The other thing to GOD all sins are equal (a white lie is just the same as adultery)how many times have asked GOD for forgiveness?Why they did what they did is not your problem,your joy is telling your sister that you forgive her with no questions asked.IF YOU TRUELY LOVE THE LORD THAN I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE FORGIVEN.EVENYOUR EX-HUSBAND CALL HIM AND FORGIVE HIM .THAT WILL SET YOUR HEART AND MIND AT EASE.GOD LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE FORGIVE & FORGET

Answer 7

I say you are...cause I made a mistake a few years ago and now that person will not forgive and forget even though I have apologized many times. That is very hurtful when someone is not able to forgive you. We only live once why hold grudges?

Answer 8

Mistakes have been made and this is family, yes would want to sit down and talk about it, heck been ten years so obviously you are over it by now. Time to set the record straight between you two. and let has beens be has beens, in the long run you will be happier.

Answer 9

If your sister is wanting to make up maby she's wanting to apologize. Everyone makes mistakes, and they made a really stupid one.

I don't think your wrong if you don't want to forgive her...she really crossed the line.

Answer 10

That is a difficult question. I know it is hard to forgive because we are human. In reality though, you are only hurting yourself by carrying this around with you. Forgive and let it go. It will definitely be hard to trust her again.