I've been cheating on my husband with a younger guy for a while. I sometimes think he knows because he'll make cryptic comments, but that could just be my guilty conscience. I want to end the affair--I don't love the guy--and not even tell my husband. But I'm afraid I'll live in guilt forever if I don't come clean. Is it more or less selfish to tell him?
2007-07-07 13:29:37 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The truth is probably going to hurt your husband A LOT.
But I think married people deserve to know the truth. Since when are people allowed to play with another person's existance, years in time, fate, destiny and everyday life, claiming to be dedicated, only to be living a secret lie?
YOU have no such right. Your husband deserves to know the truth so that he can pass judgment on you, as he has a right to do, and decide if he wants to keep his fate attached to you or not.
And, if he decides to let you talk, let you rededicate and redeem yourself, you may just come out stronger in your marriage. But you will never make your marriage stronger by keeping secrets such as this, I guaranttee it.
2007-07-07 13:50:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please listen to me: You are the one who has played around..no judgements here. BUT you cannot tell him period. All that would be is to dump your conscience onto him, hurt him beyond words and belief. It would serve absolutely no ends to do this. You did the deed, keep it to yourself. AND if, by any chance, he presents you with 8X10 glossys, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny. He will want to believe you, and will find a way to do it..so let him. Please, I do know what I am talking about. I have been the center of a "dump" and it is awful. You cannot take the affair back, and dumping compounds the mess. If your husband had an affair, was descrete, would you really want him to tell you? You have already set yourself up to never trust him again (that is just what we do..we cheat, and think our mates will/are doing the same thing. ) Get your s h i t back together now, keep your mouth shut, and go on with your lives. It is really the kindest thing to do. Please listen to me. I do not want to read next weeks question, "my husband found out about my affair and wants a divorce..what do I do?" So needless. Good luck and I wish you peace...truly I do. And one more thing, seems to be in the minority here. It is stupid to live in guilt. It serves NO useful ends, only robs you of energy..energy you need to spend on your husband. Stop with the guilt, there is nothing you can do to undo it, so guilt is a wasted emotion. Cheer up, for pete's sake..the world has not ended, you have not killed anyone, you have not even maimed anyone. Things could be a lot worse, and in the grand scale of things. this is really very minor. voice of wisdom speaking...I am older than the hills, have seen it all, know what will happen either way, and I still vote "Keep your mouth shut, forgive yourself of doing this, and go on with life." in other words, get over yourself, girl!
2007-07-07 20:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will live in guilt forever. You made a huge mistake and your husband didn't deserve that. You should come clean with him and give him the option to stay or leave, if you don't want him to leave you then you probably shouldn't have done it .
It should have never have happened in the first place, but one slip up is one thing, a continued affair is another, it was purposeful and intentional. Your husband deserves better.
2007-07-07 20:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by I'm Here 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he already knows. How many more ways do you want him to feel inadequate by telling him? If you are prepared to change your cheating ways and be a real wife then do it and show your husband you are dedicated to him in every way. You will, however, live in guilt forever and you should but telling him something he already knows and feels isn't going to change your guilt. Clean yourself up, get some morals, and be a real wife. Your husband will notice the difference and maybe your relationship can survive.
2007-07-07 20:41:05 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not it's your guilty conscience speaking, how long do you think your marriage will last if you remain silent? And even if you come clean? Whenever we make conscious desicions to do something against our better judgement, there is always a "price" to pay. This is one you have to sort out for yourself. You've already asked yourself what posessed you to put your marriage in jeopardy in the first place. All of this depends on the love you have for your husband, and the love he has in you. If you feel you are of the personality that is prone to playing the field even while still married, then do yourselves both a favour and get out of the marriage altogether. It's not fair to either of you. Or ... option b) get counselling.
2007-07-07 20:36:51 · answer #5 · answered by OP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. Lots of morally correct answers, but in the end it comes down to one thing- Are YOU going to do the right thing for you?
Me- I would stop the affair right now. If you haven't told your husband the affair ever started, there may be nothing but grief in telling him when it ended. You will come clean by living with it until you forgive yourself. That's the only forgiveness that really counts in the end anyway. I just don't see the benefit for either of you in airing this dirty laundry.
If he knows and doesn't say anything, could be he just wants it to stop.
Your call, but I vote NO!
Best wishes for you, though.
2007-07-07 20:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by Whynot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well why are you even cheeting with this guy. If you guys are both really in love then your husban will take it harshleyy and then you guys should try to work it out. If he knew dont you think he would have said something by now? Just try to come up with some ways to tell your husband and end the affair right away!
2007-07-07 20:33:09 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you need to tell him! Your guilt will NOT just pass and it'll carry through your marriage, and probably end up leading to a divorce, even though you ended the affair. You need to tell him, and you need to find the REAL reason of why you had the affair in the first place. You are probably in need of therapy, and probably will need marriage counseling as well. Hopefully he will be willing to try and repair the relationship. YOU made the mistake and YOU must face the consequences.
2007-07-07 20:35:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him and deal with the consequences of your actions. It is more selfish to not tell him. That is you just wanting to keep your mistake covered up. He has a right to know. The guy you're sleeping with could have an STD that could affect your husband so he has a right to know what you've been doing.
2007-07-07 20:48:52 · answer #9 · answered by DK Julie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Selfish to tell. If you absolutely know you love your husband and will never ever cheat on him again, don't tell him. End the affair and move on with you life. But, why cheat? Figure that out. If you can't love your husband the way everyone deserves to be loved, don't waste his life and yours on something that will end eventually anyway.
2007-07-07 20:35:56 · answer #10 · answered by Jeanni 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋