I'm 22 years old.. I'm struggling with alot of insecurities.. It causes me to be really shy and quiet around some people... But other people I'm completely comfortable around. I've been like this for awhile. It might stem from a relationship I was in for four years with a guy constantly making me feel like I wasnt good enough. But that was 4 years ago that it ended. What can I do to get over this. Is it anxiety or insecurity? Sometimes I dont even want to go to the gym because of people being there. But if I go with a friend I'm fine. I just can't take it anymore I'm sick of being this weak insecure person.. What should I do to fix it??
2007-07-07 12:09:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I was just in a relationship with a guy like that! And for a few months I sat around at home moping and extremely depressed. And there were points where I actually DIDN'T go the the grocery store because I was scared of interacting with people.
I tried therapy and a TON of medications... and none of that seemed to help. Finally I was so bored and ashamed of doing absolutely nothing that I decided I would take an art class at my local city park. I was really nervous at first, but I also knew a little about the subject (drawing) already so I felt more confidant going in. And it was really a matter of "just doing it" because I was literally terrified.
And even though I didn't talk very much just being around people who didn't make me feel like crap (like my ex) made me feel a lot better. And then I decided to take a class at my local college... in psychology which I also already know a little about and am very passionate about... and so I was able to participate some in class... maybe not a lot, but just having answers to questions and interesting comments made me feel A LOT more confident with myself. And that has made me feel more confidant all around, with people I already knew and new people I meet.
I think it's all about practice. And being around supportive people.
And being shy doesn't mean you're weak! You're probably very hard on yourself, and have a very harsh "inner critic" which could stem from that relationship (and I'm assuming you've probably had others like it). That guy was a JERK and I'm sure everything he may have said about you wasn't true.... the fact that you even stayed with him for a little bit shows that you were nice and generous enough to try to make things work with him. The kind of people who end up in relationships like that are generally the nicest, kindest, and most giving people on the planet... which is exactly why they end up in those relationships...
But harsh "inner critics" could also be a sign of depression, among other things. And most of the time when you're inner critic tells you, "uggh you're such an idiot! how could you have said that? why didn't you say x or y!? what's wrong with you!?" no one else even noticed or cared. I once went to this social event thing with my dad and was talking to some people. Afterward I was so upset and thought I had made a fool of myself and my dad didn't know what I was talking about and said that I sounded perfectly normal. And anyway, I've realized, even if someone thinks something I say is dumb... I don't really want to be friends with or know them anyway...
PS: I've also heard that public speaking courses help a lot
2007-07-07 12:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by arfblat 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
go to a very public beach in a two piece and stay all day strike conversation with as many people you can and then go to a club or some where alot of people are, after a while of doing that and noticing peoples reactions. and im pretty sure that could help you get over it to a certain degree, most people have insecurities some more then others hope you the best of luck
2007-07-07 12:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I am a woman without a job and I am completely dependent upon my spouse for everything. Does that make me a "whiny" "little woman" am I emotionally underdeveloped and needy?? No, I am a mother- Guys have to feel needed and why would a guy who wants to feel needed want to be with a woman who is totally independent and write stuff like this?? It is a "provider" instinct. That's what a large percent of men want to be is the provider. There are a lot of relationships where the tables are turned, but that's what works for them. You will find a guy who will be able to love and handle everything you are and have to offer...just be patient... Kinda like that song..."Looking for love in all the wrong places..." What I am getting at is to be patient....there is definitely someone who wants you...whats meant to be will be and it will happen when its time. You will see.
2016-04-01 02:21:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all about perspective. You should read the book Catch Me If You Can. They made a movie with Leonardo Di Caprio, but the book is sooo inspiring. The thing is if you act like you can or belong most people will buy it. This book is based on a true story.
2007-07-07 12:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by 2gr8t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i used to be the same way. if i was in a large crowd (like a college gym to attend a sporting event) i would not want to go out to the restroom or concessions by myself in front of the crowd. but then i realized that THEY live their life for themselves and i have the same right. NO ONE can intimidate you without YOUR permission so don't give it. step out and be bold, who cares if they talk about you (it might be all good like "is she HOT or whaaat?) besides that the more you live for THEM the less time you have to live for YOU!!!
obviously, we are not arrogant or obnoxious but know that u are just as good as anyone else and u should never be afraid to let ur light shine!! :)
2007-07-07 12:23:22 · answer #5 · answered by lifesaclassroom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
know how you are, what you want, where you going in life.
that will make you feel confidence in life to find thinks in life that are very important to think about.
focus you self in your future, in what you really want to do.....What you really want in a relationship etc...
Be you.
Remember any body have ups and dawns in life.
be the best that you can be.
2007-07-07 12:24:02 · answer #6 · answered by iym&m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take martial arts. the discipline will help a lot.
learn to defend yourself; aikido or judo.
consider yoga or meditation. take belly dance and learn to dance (or any other kind). confidence originates in self-knowledge. start with learning how to use your body well.
can't go wrong.
2007-07-07 12:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by Sufi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋