But he has a LIST of conditions for me to go back to him. The first one is that he would know if God really wants me to go back to him if his boy accepts that. OK, the boy does accept me but there are still a LOT for me to fit in because they now have to be cautious, as if I had done bad things. All that I wanted was for him and the boy to accept me and to be wanted and loved there. I belong to another culture and it was so very hard for me being with a man who always puts his boy first. I know a child always has priorities, but there is no balance in his relationship with him and with me. I wrote the boy two letters but I wonder if the father gave to the him. I try to be nice, I did love his son when I was there, I did whatever I could.....but it seems it is never enough. I don't htink it is right to let a 10 year old boy run the show...........this is not how things work in my country.
2007-07-07 11:04:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When it comes to spouses and children, I don't think there should be a "first".
They should be considered your "family", and families always come first.
So in other words, what I'm saying is this:
He should be considering your feelings just as much as his sons.
And if he doesn't see that, then he's going to be one lonely old man as he gets older.
Because he isn't going to be able to find any other women that would put up with this either, so he's probably going to be single until his son is grown and gone.
You can't make people do what "you" want them to do, so you either except them the way they are...or you move on.
You need to talk to him and express your feelings and explain how hurt you are.
If it doesn't seem to make any difference, then there's your answer.
Good luck
2007-07-07 11:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened why do you want back? Grass not greener on the other side or what ? The 2 of you are going to have to compromise if you really want to work it out and stop blaming the kid he was there before you. Get over the jealousy so he made a child with another woman if you cant accept that then don't bother going back . In time you will learn how to get along together just stop pointing the finger your acting like a 2 year old
2007-07-07 11:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never be first with him. You may come in third. Son is first, then mother of the son, then you. I would not even consider going back with a list of conditions that have to be met. It sounds to me as if he is maybe looking more for a housekeeper, babysitter, worker with a paycheck, than a wife. Let's face it, no one will ever measure up with this controlling man. Run the other direction. If you go back, it will only be a matter of time before you accidently violate one of the conditions. It is no way to live. You deserve a better life. Go find a husband that will love you and respect you.
2007-07-07 11:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay, i think i understand what you are saying. you and his son does not get along or have some personal issues between the two of you. it makes your relationship intense between your husband and you.
i think first that you should stop referring to his son as "the boy" it sounds a little distant and heartless.
it is sort of hard to say if you should go back to him or not. but like you said, it isn't a balance in the relationship because the "boy" sounds like he has power over the whole situation. i think the husband needs to know that a child, though is important person in his life, needs to stay in a child place and stop manipulating the whole situation.
i think until some conditions that you have as well be met or some type of neutral agreement is set, then no you should not go back.
he cannot set all these rules and expect you to meet them, when you have some conditions as well.
i know it is hard, but you have to be happy with the situation too.
good luck
2007-07-07 11:15:51 · answer #4 · answered by karMA_DAME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years from now his boy will be out on his own and will say see ya dad! Then his dad will be left by himself wondering where you are. I was in that kind of marriage, she choose her sons over me and now she is home alone wondering what the hell! You tell him that your condition will be that you be loved just as much as his son and hope that God shows him the light.
It is not right that he is hiding behind his son, he needs to be a father and a husband 50/50.
2007-07-07 11:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by huskerharsh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like a good reason for you to be separated, and the child isn't the only reason. if taking you back has a laundry list of conditions, then they probably will never go away. you will not measure up, because you are not there for a man and woman relationship, raising a family unity of the family is not run by the child.
reconsider your decision
2007-07-07 11:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by almondsarenuts 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
kids are important.... but arent marriages too? This is your call..... is this man really worth it? Do you actully love him or do you just love love? It seems if he really wanted to make your marriage work he would make you a priority. Kids are ficial..... what happens if you have to correct him because of behavior or the child is upset and takes it out on you.... Is your husband going to ask you to leave because his son isn't happy? Is this relationship between the three of you really going to last... or do you just want to feel like you belong.............somewhere.
2007-07-07 11:11:46 · answer #7 · answered by stifflergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't even begin the laundry list, babe...leave this nut case to someone else, run as fast as you can. You will never be first. And as far as meeting HIS conditions??? What about yours? Have you just lost your mind for the moment, or have you lost it for good? Get the hell out of there, leave the two boys to be happy everafter, and find a real man...this one isn't really a man at all.
2007-07-07 11:10:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's not how it should work in THIS country, either. The central relationship of a family is husband and wife. If you and your ex husband decide to reconcile, the boy should be INFORMED that this is the situation. If he has difficulties with it, it's always possible to go to family therapy to help with the transition, but you are correct in that the boy should not be able to decide if you and your ex reconcile. Good luck.
2007-07-07 11:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the list you're talking about is it something you really think you can handle go back if you don't think it will work move on best I can tell you without being in you're situation.
2007-07-07 11:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by olivette12000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋