confused unhappy married life?

Question

Im 26 my hubby is 44, just got married 2 years ago but I felt I want a divorce I am not sure. Here are the things about him why I want a divorce...... he spends most of his time infront of his computer playing computer games almost all day on his day off, he doesnt going on shopping like what I want to do, he doesnt want to have a picnic in he backyard since he hates the bugs...just want to stay inside and play his game in the pc, he doesnt know how to please me like kissing, hugging ....and when i kiss him he always wipe his lips he says he hates saliva, i always the one who ask for sex he neve starts a spark ...sex in a month.....is that normal for married life? I am getting tired doing the spark between us all the time, he always says no to sex because he is tired and he always go to bed late at night spending his hours in his pc, I dont know what to do, i felt like we have our own worlds

Answer 1

You have quite an age difference. Maybe couples therapy should be your first stop. Then after that, divorce court.

Answer 2

Dear Sleepyhead,

Hon, you must have wanted a Daddy when you married this guy - and guess what? That's what you got!! Now, do you feel that rejuvenating this marriage is worth the trouble? Are you a Christian? If so, divorce for this type of behavior is not an option. Therefore, you need to get him to counseling and yourself, as well. THE COMPUTER NEEDS TO BE PUT AWAY FOR A WHILE, RIGHT NOW.

Another point, picnics in the back yard are not really activities that are going to interest a 44 year-old man. Dinner out in a nice place just might do the trick.

Unfortunately for you, this man is past the lovely phase of "let's discover nature." If you cannot meet him halfway, you had no business marrying him because you KNEW his age prior to the vows. When some men hit this age, they may have slowed down a bit in the sex dept., but offering variety and joy in this area is a real turn on. Get his undivided attention and demand now that there are certain times you will expect this same undivided attention in the bedroom and a good time will be had by all. THIS IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK. Healthy marriages have a healthy sex life. DO get him checked out by a doctor, too. Could be that there is a physical problem, and you need that out of the way before you can address anything else!!

You have a lot to do, Sleepyhead, but you can turn this around with some help. Go find it and get busy, girl, you and he are worth it.

Answer 3

You are not stuck in your Marriage as you have shown at least 3 times when you seperated. Sometimes people do not belong together that is a fact, but this guy at work is just that - some guy at work. He has not been with you for 15 years or had 2 children with you. He is a guy who it seems is looking for a relationship and you need to be cautious with your emotions. You dont want to build up some guy who is either just nice or just on the make into something he isnt because you are upset about something else. If you want to date this man, talk to your husband about seperation, get seperated and then date - not even a kiss before. Or have an open marriage.

Answer 4

i an kinda in the same boat as you just that me and my husband sitll have sex, but right now he is not working and spends the whole day on his pc, and i've told him how i want to be treated and still he does not change. there is really no more spark, i just dont want to leave becasue of my three girls, 6, 3, and 9 months. i'm tired of telling him what to do, and when i see other women being treated as a queen with thier husbands my heart dies out. so if i were you i would probably go on with my own life, why waste your time with someone who doesnt treat you the way you are to be treated.

Answer 5

Marriage is a two way street and I hate to say it but your husband isn't even on the street. Consider counseling if you're unable to talk to him.
I'm a 42 yr old male who just recently filed for divorce and to be honest divorce wasn't the right thing to do right off the bat, we are going to a counselor now and there is a lot of things to be discovered in a marriage, and yes through counseling you may find that this guy is not the one who you thought he was , he sounds a little self centered to me, you can't keep giving and not get anything in return I was in the same boat you're in and it hurts not to have the marriage you want, your spouse needs to learn that he can't take your marriage for granted. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Sounds familiar, I had a husband like that one. Big generation gap. They don't like the things you do, seldon go out, have sexual problems, etc. If I were you, I would get someone my own age or younger. If you stay with this one, your youth will go down the toilet, along with your freedom.

My husband was 25 years older than me, our marriage lasted 15 years, I wish I had left sooner. Never wanted to go out, watched TV all day and night, had sexual problem, never wanted regular sex, just oral, left him a couple of times, last time was the winner.

Think about it, which really isn't that much to think about. Think about number 1 for a change and what you want in life, you are so young, so many years to have a good time, instead of being locked up in a house with a boring individual. Get out and kick up your heels, live your life.

Answer 7

You must take your husband to a good sexologist and both of you have councelling. In marital life there is no time frame for sex. Sex is part of the marital life.Your husband may have some psychological problems that is why he deneis sex, Divorce is not the solution for your problm. Saliva is not a unhygenic thing in sex couple,

Answer 8

and why did you marry him? did he really change that much after you married him or were you just thinking it would get better after you married him, people don't change he was this way before and he will continue to be now...sorry to be so negative but if you said we have been married for 10, 20 or more years than maybe I would feel sorry for you....but 2 seems like you never really knew him to begin with...also sorry to say but the age difference does play a part in it.

Answer 9

What changed in two years? You married a grown man, set in his ways. He's been where you are and left it behind a long time ago. It sounds like he isn't interested, so you need to decide if you want to move on now or be having this conversation when he's in his 60's and you are his age now.

I vote for moving on, I wouldn't want that kind of life for my daughters who are 24.

Answer 10

HI, its amazing story that struck my attention :) . my advice to you to make him horny is to dress up sexy with no panties and try to sit beside him and wink him saying mmm you want that and show him the pinky magic box ;) , that way he will consider either fingering or direct love making . you know men are like women they need to be stimulated in somehow but if you just tell him lets go make love that wont click in his mind believe me as i'm 31 ys old male :D .

other suggestion is this, try to play with his free willy when he sleeps in bed and if you see him hard say sweet thats what i needed and make the spark and you will see the fire building up and then going like BINGOOOOOO !!! :) . if that does not work then he must be ashamed of his willy somehow or something making him refuse to have it with ya. just confront him and say what makes ya say no beside you always tired for god sake you always tired there is no time for me here ;) .

if you like to talk about it you can drop me a line at my yahoo id its funride2005

untile next time you take care of yourself and have a great love making.

Ali
31 Male canada