apologies and forgiveness definitions?

Question

what does an apology have to consist?
if i did something without any knowledge of its impact (infact, it wasn't immoral) but it does affect/anger the other person
i apologised. but in the process, i explained my intentions and my lack of knowledge and i also said i would change and not do it again.
and he wouldn't accept my apology claiming it was insincere because i kept making excuses and justifications for my auctions.
but just because i do have justifications for my actions, it doesn't mean i cannot feel remorse? i just wanted him to understand where i was coming from, because i understood where he was coming from. and even though i don't think i personally did anything wrong, the fact that it angered him and affected him, makes me not want to do it again.
so does that mean i'm not sorry? or does it mean i am?
i mean an easy analogy of what i did was like i'm walking on a crowded street behind a friend and someone behind was pushing me and i accidentally fell out my friend.

i apologise for hurting my friend but i explain that i didn't do it on purpose and someone was actually pushing me. but i'm sorry for hurting her.

and also. another thing. if someone says they're sorry, and not ask for forgiveness, what does that entail?
and if someone lost your trust, and he's sorry about what he's done, but he doesn't expect to gain your trust back, therefore he doesn't try very hard. does that mean he's not really remorseful?!

also, so what is forgiveness? i think to me, it simply means you don't want to punish the person for his or her wrongdoings anymore. but it doesn't mean that you can't be suspicious of future instances right?
so is forgiveness simply the eradication of revenge?

Answer 1

i like your question very much. I think your apology was sincere, but if your friend isn't ready to accept that then it is her problem. I don't know about you, but for me forgiveness is more for my peace of mind than the other person. If someone apologizes to me for something then that thing is off his chest. If I choose not to forgive him then I am still holding onto that mistake and I will never get over that offense. But if i forgive him then I don't let that mistake effect me anymore.

Forgiveness, for me at least, isn't forgetting about the mistake or even eradication of punishment, but putting the mistake behind you and realizing that it is just that--a mistake. However, to remove punishment altogether, that is foolish. If the family of a DWI victim chooses to forgive the person that killed their child, than man must still serve his time in prison.
Consequences are outside the realm of apologies and forgiveness.

Answer 2

Ahh a very good question. I would suggest that you try to say sorry a couple of more times and if he doesnt bother to try and forgive i would think that means that he is not a very true friend, as friends should forgive other friends.... if this isnt a good or agreeable answer i would consult other websites. If this one doesnt seem to include answers that interest/ answer your question i would also suggest to check out some other sites.
Also, as i read your question over it asked what an apology should consist of. I would think it should consist of a message of complete and utter sincerity and should explain the situation from your perspective. It may also include any other thoughts or ideas that you may think of, just as long as they are not hurtful or going to make the situation any worse. Thank for submitting this interesting, well written question and i hope what i have suggested helps.

Sincerly, Adam G.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are experiencing that. In "sorry" I mean that I feel sorrow for you, am empathizing with you.

It sounds as though you did indeed apologize... you admitted you were wrong... you explained your intentions, but kept to the point that you were, indeed, wrong and you promised not to make the same mistake again. That is an apology.
Yes, you could take it further and ask forgiveness.. that is, ask that person to forgive you for injuring his trust, ego, or whatever it is you injured.

However, forgiveness, for me anyway, consists of reinstating that person to the original relationship, original trust... treating that person as though he or she had never "transgressed."

By not forgiving you, that person treats you over and over again, with each encounter, as though you were recommitting the offense.

That is not fair to you. I have been held in unforgiveness, myself. It's a crappy feeling.

Best thing to do at this point in time is 1. Forgive yourself. You know you have done everything possible to try to make up with your friend.
2. Forgive your friend for not forgiving you. Of course, he has not asked forgiveness, as he does not feel he's wronged you.. but, for YOUR sake, forgive him. Be the bigger person and model forgiveness for him... that is, when you meet with that person, YOU continue as though the relationship was restored, as though the offesne had never happened. That way, the only one dealing with the offense, is that person.
3. If that other person just keeps bringing up the problem, you can do one of two things:
a.- Remind him that you apologized, and thhat if he just can't forgive you, then to give you a call when he's ready to continue the friendship.
b. Ask him what you can do to restore his trust in you. If he asks for something outrageous, then just refer back to "a."

That's how I've handled similar things in the past...

Answer 4

Very simple...
Apology is what one expresses to another in the name of basically understood 'good form'/etiquette.

Forgiveness is what one finds within oneself for those who've wronged one (including oneself)..whether an actual or merely a perceived wrong, the affect is about the same.

So...
One may apologize sincerely whenever 'good form' indicates a need...Forgiveness is an entirely different plateau.

Or so I would say, anyway.
Food for thought, perhaps, at the least.

Answer 5

While reasons do matter, you yourself stated that you do not feel that you have wronged him.
Your friend, on the other hand seems to be a bit thin skinned and overly concerned about his own interests.
If he does not wish to accept your apology for injury then he can make that choice. If he chooses himself over your friendship then he is making a value statement about you. It may be better to see the back of him. that accept this redress of your value.

Answer 6

An apology is saying that you are sorry for whatever. To forgive is to accept what happened and not seek revenge.

Answer 7

I think it is fine to say that your intentions were not to hurt him but that you are sorry that they did. one apology would be to admit wrongdoing (out of anger, fear, etc.) and say you are sorry for your actions. another (like yours) should be explained that your intention was not to have it happen that way but the fact that it did, you are sorry it was hurtful to them.

you should explain it, otherwise they think you did it on purpose yet apologized. this way, you explain you did not but still acknowledge it hurt them and you are sorry to ever see them hurt, esp when it was due to something you did intentionally or not.

Answer 8

an apology is a formality to compensate for wounded ego.
forgiveness is to surrender ego, self, mind, body.