how can i get over jeolousy i feel about the good sex my husband had when he had an affair?

Question

well, i think that's important to him, and when he had an affair, i think that's what he got. good sex. so, i feel insecure about that and that bothers me.so, i think he could be inlove with this person. i have a different view of things, but that doesn't mean i'm right. anyways, how can i move on from this, i don't need to be part of that. i don't need that in my life. i'm going to go in a different direction! that's why she's so sure of herself, and all i have is insecurity. so, that says it all. i'm ready to move on and forget this business. i'm better off being by myself. i don't want to be with anyone that was happy being with someone else. the only reason he may consider being with me its because she's with someone else. i don't want to be with this person anymore. i'm over this. the person is brilliant. and he should leave me alone now. cause there's nothing that can change my mind. i just want to move on now. and lead a normal life. what's done is done. i don't care anymore .

Answer 1

Try having great sex with him.If thats what it was all about, then thats all you have to give him.This is how he bonds with you emotionally.

Answer 2

I think you do care and you should. You had a lot of dreams and your future wrapped up in him. Give yourself time to really work through the grief process because this is a big loss and hole in your life. Anger & depression can express itself in a whole bunch of ways. Beaware of that.
How well I do not know your circumstances but a rule of thumb I can tell you 'success is the best revenge' in other words go get an education, or get a really good paying job or look better than you've ever looked or just plain be at peace with your self.
As for your reason I think you are perfectly right to move on. Those feelings of being inadquate are super bad! You need to with someone that makes you feel like you deserve him & that he wants only you!

Answer 3

Well, your question said "how can I get over jealousy", and then in the end, you put "I don't care anymore". So you aren't being honest with yourself - if you didn't still care, then you wouldn't be jealous.

Don't expect yourself to get over something like that immediately. It's going to take time. I know what it's like to feel insecure - most of us feel like that from time to time. You're going to be fine, though. You're a strong woman, and the affair is not a reflection of you - it's a reflection of your husband and the other woman (who, by the way, is obviously VERY insecure, or she wouldn't need the affections of married men).

My best advice is to stop comparing yourself or your sex life to theirs. You'll never LET yourself come out the winner.

Answer 4

You will never get over it. Just like a death, it will not occupy your mind so strongly or frequently with time, but when you reflect on it, it will hurt. You are normal for feeling like this. Your husband made the wrong choice irregardless of if he feels justified based on something that you did. Don't let it harden you and make you hate all men. Many men are losers, obviously.

Try to work it out and if you are Christian, though Jesus might ultimately hope that you can forgive him and work it out, he does give one reason to allow one out of a marriage and adultery is it. It does terrible damage, as it has done to you. I hope all works out well for you!

Answer 5

How is your sex life with him? Do you enjoy his sex? Or are you one of those wimmen who dont do anything in the bedroom and expect him to be happy? What men want is simple; love, affection and a woman who is happy at least most of the time. That takes a woman who is secure in herself and knows how to please a man. I wouldnt worry about what anyone else has done for him, especially if he is with me. I know how to please my woman and no man can do it better than me. Because I took the time to find out what makes her happy and I do it till she cant get enough. Maybe you should find out what turns your husband on and stop being so helpless. If he is with you, he is there for a reason. If you dont care to please him and you dont care ab out him, then you are keeping him from being with someone who does care and who will try to please him in every way. There are plenty of women out there who will care and who will go the extra mile to turn him out and turn him on. Sorry you are not willing to do that. If you dont care why are you writing about it. Just move the heck on and let that man be happy. Some one will come along who cares. Life does not evolve around you, just because you feel jealous. He doesnt need to put up with that. Have you ever been with another man? Did you enjoy it? Does he care about that? Some wimmin need to get a grip. Grow up.

Answer 6

Amanda,

I'm sorry to read about your pain. You have to know its not you. You also can't be jealous of your husbands past. If he is with you enjoy your time with him, make sure sex is good for you and just be yourself. If you do leave, like someone here has mentioned leave that mess in that relationship and don’t take it to the next relationship. I had a friend like this once, he wasn’t my husband, but I liked him and was very attracted to him sexually. We never had sex, but I fantasized about that being part of our relationship. He let me know in an off hand way that he didn’t like me like that. I noticed that whenever I would bring up sex he would get quiet. Then he went online and described his perfect woman and I saw it. I didn’t fit that description, what he liked in women were things I couldn’t change about myself, like height, stature, race…,etc. I was able to remain friends with my friend, even though I was celibate and he hinted all the time that he was not, I just accepted it- his sexuality, and his sexual preferences. It really is ok that I'm not the kind of person he finds sexually attractive-sex does not have to be part of our friendship. I don’t bother him with it anymore. I know that there are plenty of men out there who are interested in me that way. So, I don’t allow myself to feel competitive, jealous or any less than any other woman, and I hope you wont either. I know it hurts a little bit that someone else is "ideal" to him sexually, but he is with you and should make you feel special- not that you are left overs. You should let him know, how you feel and if he still wont give you credit, just smile because someone out there finds you very attractive and sexy. Be happy with who you are. Don’t tolerate someone putting you down or comparing you- who knows he might be lying and telling you that to make you feel less than what you are. That's emotional abuse so don’t take it.
I am happy with who I am, and I know that there are men who would love nothing more than to be with me, give me pleasure, please me and make me happy.
I also know I am a very good lover, and others have told me so- and still want to be with me if they could.
You're husband-its sad, but it's his lost. Pretty soon no one will want him anyway or he will be paying to have someone feed him lies and have sex with him, because he has no personality and no game if he treats you like this. Don’t let anyone compare you to anyone else, and keep your sense of pride about it, it attracts men like crazy. You will attract someone who can't get enough of you. Finally, no matter what your husband cannot change the past or take back what he has shared with you. If you can't move past it, then you should move on, I applaud you for acknowledging your own personal limitations and facing them bravely. However, if you can be a better lover, maybe you can try, but if he needs something from you that makes you have to change who you are, or things that you are not, then you are making the best choice by leaving.
Go out party, have a good time and enjoy your life. Get off Yahoo answers worrying about him. Your perfect man is waiting for you to turn the computer off and come and find him.

Answer 7

It takes time to get over any type of betrayal. That is the only advice that I have, give it time.

Answer 8

good, its best to move on, if there was love he would not of cheated. staying would of made you more insecure and give him the upper hand.

Answer 9

I believe you have made a wise and correct decision about this matter*.... What was once your one and only cannot be recovered*....

Answer 10

sounds like your mind is made up dude