Have anyone had an experience where marriage counselling actually saved the marriage?

Question

I never went through marriage counseling, my husband and I just went twice in our 9 yrs together, and we've had problems for about 9 yrs. I know, we should never have gotten married,
we're suffering for that mistake now. Has anyone reached the point in their marriage where they've had enough, felt completely turned off and pretty much disgust for the other person and it actually turned around? I feel that way now. We are actually separated as of today, I asked him to leave and honestly the only thing I feel bad about is that we have 2 children, 5 yrs old and 18 mos. old. I know I should of known better he's always been a problem from the beginning, but we
can't stop fighting and I don't want the children to grow up like that. But I'm curious about counselling, everyone always recommends it. It seems that everyone thinks a marriage can be saved as long as there's no cheating or hitting, but that's not the only way that someone can hurt you or the only thing that can make you sick.

Vicky my relationship is so much like yours my husband used to abandon me when we live together the 1st 3 years, after we got married & when I was pregnant, with our 1st child. Always accepting his apologies afterward and beleiving when he said he'll change, but i've had enough. I made the biggest mistake of my life marrying this person.

Answer 1

Going to counseling isn't going to make a person change. That's something that has to be done from the person themselves. Don't waste your money on counseling, you're not the one with the problem.

Answer 2

Don't go to counseling with him. If he is the least bit abusive, he will turn it around on you later and use everything in the counseling sessions to make you look bad later. Go to a life coach or go to ANGER MANAGEMENT together or apart. That is the only thing that positively affected my marriage, which is still FAR from perfect. And to be honest, the effects only lasted for a brief period of time. As soon as the classes stopped, the fighting resumed. Keep at it once you start it. And also parenting classes that emphasize the need to co-parent will curb the tendency to fight about how to raise the children in front of the children, which is the worst thing you can do.

Answer 3

I have personally helped hundreds of couples that are in your boat actually save their marriages and hundreds that couldnt be saved for whatever reason. Marriage counseling can helpbut only if both spouses truly want to save their marriage an approach counseling with an open mind and willing to do whatever it takes. I have counseled them thru mild to severe problems and have actually pulled a couple of them from the halls of hell. They wanted the marriages to actually work and did whatever it took and the best part is they have survived the test of time meaning they have survived over at least 10 years since we met. So it all depends on what exactly you hope to achieve. Like I said marriage counseling wont/cant help every couple and avoid anyone that tells you he/she can save yours, but there is a 50/50 chance of survival. Enter with an open heart and mind and be honest. The counselor can only work with what you tell them and you have everything to gain from this. You get from this what you put into it. Dont ry to save this because of the kids themselve as it wont work.The kids wont always be there and someday allyoull have is each other so think about it and what you really want

Answer 4

A marriage can be saved if you both believe you can create a good life together, and you both WANT to do that.
A good question to ask yourself is, "Is my life better with him or without him?"
He is the father of your children, so you will always have to have some kind of relationship with him, but you can decide what kind you want. Is it better to be apart and be able to have a civil relationship or be together fighting all the time? Or is it possible to be together and not fight all the time?
Counseling will only help you find your way down the path YOU want to travel.
You deserve to live a happy life, and you know what is best for your children.
I was in a relationship that was not a happy one. We have a child together. I was so sad when I knew he was moving out, but the very day he moved out I felt relief! Finally! We have gone to counseling to help us co-parent but not to get back together. We get along great now, but we will never be together again.
Good luck!!

Answer 5

I am going through the same situation with my husband I been married to him for 10 yrs. and we been having so many problems. He recently abandoned me and my 4 children and I am also pregnant with our 5th child and I have suggested that we get marriage counselling and he does not want to try it. I told him that we obviously can't save ourselves so we need help. I am no longer in love with him because he has abandoned me 4 times before and I tolerated the bullshit. He moved out about 5 weeks ago, actually he left. Now I do not want him to come back because I do not trust him. I am taking him to child support on July 24th because I need security.. Anyway, it's a long story and I want to wish you luck and hopefully you could work things out.

Answer 6

The ONLY way counseling will work is IF.......IF you BOTH are brutally HONEST with yourselves AND each other and are BOTH willing to make some changes.This is the ONLY way ANY troubled marriage can be saved.The counselor may rake you BOTH over the coals a little, listen to them though even if you do not LIKE what they are saying.This should ALWAYS be done BEFORE anyone in the marriage reaches the point of throwing in the towel.

Answer 7

Hi
Going to a marriage counsellor saved my marriage 10yrs ago. We're celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in August. :) I didn't want to go but my husband insisted on going and you know what I'm glad he did insist. The counsellor doesn't take side, doesn't judge you. The counsellor's duty is to listen, understand and facilitate a better understanding between you and your mate. Going to a counsellor is not for everyone but if you think that going to a counsellor might help you, go. Going to a family member is a big no-no. They won't keep their mouth shut.. The counsellor might give you some valuable advise on how to deal with the separation and what to tell your children. No matter how your husband and you feel towards each other, you have to keep the children's best interest at heart. Good luck to you :)

Answer 8

counseling helped me and my wife, but we also separated for a year. We started dating for the first time and really became friends before we were intimate again. I don't think all marriages can be saved, but the question is what do I really want. For me it was to be with my wife. I accept the hardships that come with that and we try to communicate the things that hurt us better.

Answer 9

I do not know one marriage counseling has saved. by the time it gets to that point its usually already over anyway. ever wonder how may marriage counselors have been divorced? I bet more than we know...a waste of money to me.

Answer 10

About 6 weeks ago I asked my wife for a divorce, but she said she wanted to try to work it out and we're going through counciling now. So far things are getting worse but we're going to see where it goes.