i dont understand what i did wrong???? i feel like such a booty call! i loved him unconditionaly for almost 3 years now, i'd write him love letters and leave little chocolates on his uniform's! (oh did i mention he's a marine!) well anyways he's been fighting with me over the stupidest stuff for the last 7 months and then he goes to his moms house (she doesn't really like me) calls me up and desided he doesn;t know if he loves me or not any more and tells me "you know we could just get an annulment and act like this never happened" i was crushed and then he says he never saw himself with me forever and only married me because of our 17 month old baby girl! then goes "oh well the food is here, i gotta go, bye" and hangs up on me while i'm crying my eye's out on the phone! i need some real advise. please someone help me!
2007-07-07 06:14:50 · 31 answers · asked by Cassandra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is obviously not interested. Take the baby and disappear and show him what he is missing and how empty his life wll be without the 2 of you.........
2007-07-07 06:19:07 · answer #1 · answered by aunt_webby 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hello Cassandra, You probably didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you can love a person a lot more than they love you. One day one of you wakes up and goes, "I don't want to do this anymore." I know right now you are upset, but once you evaluate the last 3 years, you will see you were trying a lot harder than he was. Consider it a blessing in disguise. If he does not appreciate you and the things you do now, it will not get any better. I know you are hurting, as we all would, but you have a young child and you need to focus on the future for the two of you. That may mean going back to school or finding a job with a decent salary. But put the focus on you and not him. Since you are a military dependent, you have access to counseling if that is something you want to consider. It can be joint or individual. One day you may be thankful this happened. Take care.
2016-05-20 22:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow it sounds so harsh and cruel to me. I think maybe you might have to really give some serious thought to how your life is going to be now that you might need to be on your own.
The baby is the first priority right? Go lay down and have a good long heart wrenching cry and when you are all cried out get up make a list of to do's and start your new life.
I will tell you if you want this guy back or not 'success is the best revenge' When you are successful you will better your own life and have something to offer in a relationship.
Good luck!
2007-07-07 06:31:17 · answer #3 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to hear that he is that unsensitive to your pleas for answers. If he has been in a situation (with the military) that he has had to seperate himself from emotionally, he could possibly be using his inability to be emotionally connected, to be so cold hearted about the situation. Also, he may just be using this as an excuse for leaving because he doesn't want to hurt you especially if he is getting ready to get assigned to a violent area. Nobody really knows, and to say that the only reason why you got married was because of the baby is a very bad reason for marrage, so if that is the truth then you and the baby both are better off if you do divorce. Now is the time for both of you to think about your baby and not about yourself. Do you want to raise your daughter in a unhappy home and her to learn that that is the way life, love, and fidelity is all about? Good luck kelli
2007-07-07 07:11:33 · answer #4 · answered by kelli g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men are jerks. I am going through almost the same thing right now, but I will pass on this advice that was given to me. #1. he who cares the least wins. If you have to cry, then do it alone. Never let him see you weak. And #2. Ask him to go with you to see him Chaplin. They will counsel you guys. Being in the military is hard. Maybe he is fighting demons that you just don't know about, and maybe he really just does not want to be married. Either way if you love him, don't make this easy for him, fight for what YOU want. NEVER let a man decide YOUR life for you. At the very least in the end, if you have to walk away, then you will know that you tried everything that YOU could, and one day you can feel good about that. I will add you to my prayers.
2007-07-07 06:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by Brandi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The thing is that he IS responsible for ongoing to pay child sup[port and medical expenses for the baby, and paying you m maintenance and med payments for you so that you can continue l;living as you do.
The real thing is the shock. Of course IT is a shock and I went through IT after 19 year s of marriage.
Read: "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends". by Fisher.
It takes two to tango, and he wants out of the dance...cry a lot, like I did, get into a support group, like I did, call friends, and try to develop interests, like I REALLY did. I am now a composer for comedy cabaret, unknownst to me during my marriage..
Whey did this happen? He met someone else is guaranteed to be the answer for real. Otherwise, he discovered he is gay is another reason.
He is very confused, and immaturity is a certainty.
Focus on the baby and yourself, because you have no control over him. I'm truly sorry about the situation., We get through it and grow., He is a baby, believe it por not.
Also read Your r Erroneous Zones by Dyer and build your self esteem. It's NOT your fault that he has done any of this.
2007-07-07 06:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need too do is STOP blaming yourself!! You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like your husband has been picking fights for the last 7 months just too have an "excuse". He doesn't want too be married so you need too stop crying and think about your child. Instead of waiting on him too call, call him and tell him YOU want a divorce and act on it!! This guy has said he only married you because of your child so honey dump his *** and move on too a better life. Find some one who deserves your love!!
2007-07-07 06:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by Rose T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did he just come back from combat? Something isn't right unless, if you look back, you were always the one putting yourself out there and he never went the extra mile for you. If so, then he's being honest and probably doesn't love you. It does hurt but you will recover and you have to for your daughter. Definitely make sure though you do things the right way,especially since he's in the military. You want medical and child support issues taken care of before you walk out. Plus, don't leave housing until its final, if he wants to stay at his mom's then let him, he abandoned you and your daughter.
2007-07-07 07:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry this is happening to you. you need to focus and concentrate on caring for your child right now because in the end this is far more rewarding than wasting time crying over someone who obviously has other priorities right now.back away from him for now and try to get together with other young moms . there are lots at the parks and you may meet some others in a similar situation. dont give up on you and your child , you deserve more in life than what you have been dealt. men have a wierd way of dealing with life. he may be afraid of what the future holds for him being in the military and thinks this way would be easier for you in the long run . try to hang in there.
2007-07-07 06:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by Donna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can tell you what you should do....but read this, and then ask him to read it, and see what happens. Look for his reactions.
Its something I wrote, its personal, but applies to alot of people here:
*I remember being young and watching my parents argue. I always assumed they would divorce, because they never seemed to get along. I knew they loved one another, but everyone says "sometimes love isn't enough." Well, today I am 22, and I am calling the bullshit card. My parents are still married to this day, and have more in common now than they did when I was growing up. Mom always told me she didn't care how poor we were, just as long as my Dad and I were with her. We could even live in a cardboard box she said, and I remember laughing, thinking she was crazy.
Now looking back at it, I realize that she's right. I'm sitting in our nice new townhome, with our nice tv, doing laundry in my brand new washer and dryer, but I am so lonely. Sure our things are super nice, but it doesn't mean a thing without the ones you love.
Love IS enough, as long as its true, and you stay true to it. Everyone fights, sometimes for 20 minutes, sometimes for 20 years, but fighting and arguing doesn't mean you love someone less, it just means you aren't seeing eye to eye. Sometimes it takes something life altering to see what has been in front of you all along. Although this is true, I wish that we could see it before then. Love is something special that should never be taken for granted.
"You don't fall in love by choice, its by chance. You don't stay in love by chance, its by work. And you don't fall out of love by chance, its by choice."
That phrase was a clipping my mom always had on the side of the fridge when I was growing up, and I never understood it until now. Sometimes we fight and scream and think we want to leave, but in reality, we don't, and can't, and won't, because love is something we choose to be in once fate brings us there.
So even though I am happy to be in my cushy little place, with all our nice things, I could live with just me and him and our loved ones. We don't need money to buy happiness, because happiness is something you make yourself, not something thats on the shelf at Target.
As far as money, maybe it is the root of all evil, even if it brings some nice things along the way. Ask any couple who has been married for 10, 15, 20, or even 50 years, when their happiest time was and they will probably say they times when they only had each other, and were struggling. Its these times that we learn most about each other, and oneself.
So sleep in a little late, call into work every once in a while, enjoy the sun even if its hot out, and smile because God gave us three things- Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest of these is love. If you have it, keep it, because love never changes. But keep in mind, that people never stay the same.*
2007-07-07 10:18:55 · answer #10 · answered by Andi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it may be, it sounds like it's time for you to move on. He won't change and if you stay together it will only get worse, you have to find somebody that will love you and your daughter. He has some serious issues he needs to work out, the first thing he needs to do is get away from his mommy and maybe talk to a counselor about his feelings. He may be trying to distance himself from you and your daughter because he loves you and he doesn't want to see you get hurt if anything happens to him because he's a marine and could be deployed at any time....if he's not willing to see a counselor with you, you need to move on...
Good luck!
2007-07-07 06:36:28 · answer #11 · answered by Cupcakes Moosey! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋