Cheating husband?

Question

Okay on the 4th of July, I found out that my husband had been "talking" to another women that works in the same area as he does.... Of course he says that nothing is going on, and because I have 2 uncles, a cousin, and a brother that work with him, I beleve that there was nothing sexual going on Y.E.T. I also beleive that there is more to cheating then just sex. So when he got home I confronted him (I also called the girl) and he informs that he is unhappy, bla bla bla, and I control him (The only rule that I have as a wife is that he not do or go anywhere that he would not approve of me being or going) So for the last few days we have been trying to put things back to normal. I am haveing a hard time doing this because I know that if he wasn't cheating, he probaly would have. I need some advice on how to move past this, and put the spark back into our lifes. This is the first time I've had reason to doubt him. We have been married 5 years.

I have tried EVERYTHING in the bedroom that I can think of and he has always been less into that then I am. Any other advice would be great.

Answer 1

This is a tough one...you need to figure out what made him feel that he needed to talk to and flirt with this other woman. He is the only person that can tell you that. Get a sitter for the kids...then sit down with him and talk it out...take as long as you need to but get down to the root of the problem. The only way to repair something that is broken is to first know what it is.

Answer 2

So pretty much from what I got from this your mad because he was complaining about you to another woman. Right? and you think that he would have cheated if he would have had the chance? We the fact is right now you are complaining about him to others and I happen to be a male so whats to say you wouldn't cheat on him if you had the chance? the point is that you are both unhappy and not talking to each other about things that matter if he would say all the stuff that he said to the other girl venting anger. And you would vent off what he has been doing to upset you yes it would hurt but at least you would have a good Idea on what the problems where then you can work on trying to fix them together. Then again what do I know I promise I am younger than you and right now I live alone but I have seen enough marriages fall apart to kind of have an Idea as to why it happens. If you think i am wrong well find someone that has been divorced and a lot of times they will right off site "we stopped communicating" as a big problem. Bottom line I wish the best for both of you and good luck where every your lives may take you.

Answer 3

I am guessing the average person would say you have to trust but to be honest from what I have observed over the years a lot of spouses have flings/affairs at the work place. I think it is realistic that this could blossom. The only way to protect both of you from this happening is for both of you to find a marriage councellor fast. If he won't go then try to assist each other with advice. I would want him to leave the job I know most people would say that is absurd so I don't know what can be done accept stoke his ego and work hard together on the relationship so he doesn't have a reason to stray or a want to stray. I hope it works out for both of you. It's impossible to cage your husband he is going to talk to the opposite sex just as you are when you're out and about. It's a matter of how strong the relationship is and the morals are on both parts to see if it can withstand the stress.

Answer 4

I got the "I'm not happy" speech after 20+ years of marriage.
Even though I'd done nothing wrong, been a good wife & mother, after leaving & coming back about 6 TIMES he finally admitted there was someone else.

Mine refused counseling (now I know WHY!), but that's what you both should try if you truly want to stay together. Sounds like you are growing apart, and losing sight of each other due to the constant demands of a work-a-day world.

I wish you the best....but remember, divorce is NOT the end of the world. I actually embraced my freedom..it was great to have nobody to answer to. And in the long run, he did me a favor, because I met a man who made me so happy, that I realized what I had with the ex waas just the ho-hum status quo.

Answer 5

Sounds sad, and i am proud of you for calling him on, i would do the same thing....ya no, i hate that fact that men get bored...they should of thought of that before getting married, every married couple gets into a rut...they get in this normal every day routine and get bored but you have to talk to the other one and let them no how your feeling so you can do something about it, all men think we try to control them, well this is the reason why, we don't want them wandering off, it know this is such a hard thing to be going through, the best thing would be talk to him again and ask him what it is that would make him happy, you both have to be willing to work on this, ask him what things you could change to make him happier....tell him to put himself in your shoes, if it were the other way around he'd be upset and angry, talk it out, communication is the key to a good relationship, he needs to understand that, you could'nt of had a clue how he was feeling if he didn't share it with you, as long as he is willing to talk to you and work on this i'm sure every thing will work out...

Answer 6

I am a married man and had few adventures at my work for that you could say "cheating". These affairs usually are not stable and live only for a short time. My wife knows about most of these affairs and the last time when she saw one of that girls with who I HAD a short affair she said that "she is pretty". And there is no quarrel between us. Let me to say that clever wife do not chain down her husband 100%. But of course there are limits what a husband should not cross, and I would never cross. But that is not a work-place affair.

Answer 7

You sound very controlling, I wouldn't be happy with you but, you seem to think he shouldn't even speak with another woman.
I worked with a guy like this, we had a cute little blond in the shipping office, she was totally ignorant to this guy I'm speaking of. I don't think she knew his name.
I don't know why but, this guys wife came down to work and confronted this women, made a big scene and told her what she would do if she ever tried to make a affair with her husband.
This guy was so embarrassed. There was no reason for it.

Your going to have to try for consoling with him, find out what your real problems are. It sounds like your both unhappy.

Answer 8

I was only married for a year and when my husband even had an emotional affair...stating he was single and i was just his sister..and calling that girl his fiance...you know what i did...i filed for divorce and packed my bags and moved to a different state...i told him if you want to be single ill let you be single...the divorce will be final in november

all i can tell you is...you know whats best for you...For me personally i love myself too much to settle for anyone that is not worthy of being with me..

GOD will show you the truth about your huband ..just continue on with your daily activities and if he is doing something you wont have to snoop to find out...
Mine was doing that for 8 months thats are entire marriage...pretty much...but god show me when he got tired and forgot to log off the computer one day... a girl sent him a text saying i love u too baby....need i say more

there are all types of cheating..and your husband should not be telling another women about his problems ...dealing with yall marriage thats how the affair begins....im me if u need more advice

Answer 9

It is not about the bedroom... so basically he confides in this woman at work about his happiness instead of you.. sorry, but that is cheating in itself.. he should be discussing his happiness with you. You two are the only ones that can fix it, an if she is trying to be his 'friend' or 'confidante', she is expecting or hoping for something in return. Good luck with this one, trust your gut feelings, have a good heart to heart with your husband about both of your happiness, and make sure you are both on the same page with fixing it.

Answer 10

Girlfriend...I swear to God, I think we are married to the same man! My advice....PRAY....then see if he will go to counseling with you. If he doesn't, you need to accept the fact that he may continue to do this...and decide on if its worth it or not. I am still here, but only until I can find another place to go. But you have to do what is best for you. Moving past this is hard. He will have to gain your trust back...and that is if he WANTS to gain your trust again. I'll be praying things work out for you girl.