Baby's death???

Question

My friends baby was born yesterday but it was a stillbirth. She had been pregnant for about 11 months and had never went to get any prenatal care. She had been on the depo shot for a while and had stopped using it and immediately became pregnant. Could the chemicals inside her body have cause the baby's death? She is 37 so I think that couldn't have been a factor. My second question, I've never been through this situation and I am going to go see her at the hospital on Monday- What do I say to her? What should I do? I don't want to make this time worse, yet I don't want to remain silent. Please help

to the lady who said I am not a good friend for not taking her or telling her to go to the doctor... she's 37 whether I told her or not doesn't make any difference because she's 37 and doesn't need me to tell her. She has 5 other children and I don't need to be a mother to her, this is what she chose.

Answer 1

If she was pregnant for 11 months (which does make sense because technically we are pregnant for 10 if you count the weeks in fours) then the baby likely died because her body began to shut down the placenta. There are many other reasons why a baby is born sleeping, birth control "chemicals" is not one of them.
When you see her, let her cry. Let her talk and vent. Just be there for her. Tell her you are sorry this happened and try to reassure her it wasn't her fault even though that may be difficult for her to realize. At her age, she likely understands that there just isn't much to be said from a support person. Don't tell her to try again, don't tell her it's okay or it happened for a reason. Don't say much that may sound like reassurance because oftentimes in a situation like this, it comes off harder to the person hearing it than it was ever intended. The best thing you can do is just be there for her and let her get it out.

Answer 2

the drugs in her body from the depo are not likely to have caused the baby's death... why didn't she get any prenatal care... she's pretty old which poses a ton more risks than normal, so the baby may have been dead for awhile-- that may be why she was pregnant for so long... I don't know, i'm not a professional, but her lack of care has a huge factor... when you go see her, DONT tell her that this must just be God's plan or its probably better this way or whatever like that... don't tell her that there is a reason for it or anything-- when you lose a baby, that's the most heartless thing to hear. If you can, stay as quiet as possible. Show her you care by touching her, caressing her hand, giving extra long hugs... and listen. She may not even want to talk... when you walk in the room, don't ask how she's been... jsut smile and tell her hello... you can let her know that your there if there is anything she may need. tell her that you have a shoulder spot just for her to lay her head on if she needs it. if you have a good relationship w/ her you can tell her that you don't know what to say and apologize, but it doesn't mean you lover her or care any less. don't tell her you know how she must feel-- i know its a difficult situation but your a good friend to go and visit. good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, there are so many things you could say that are wrong about what happened in this situation but you need to understand that no matter what has happened, she needs you. She doesn't need judging, she doesn't need advice, she just needs someone that will sit there, for hours if need be, while she cries and while every breath she takes is a struggle as she knows what has happened and unfortunately she and no one else can change that. The hardest thing anyone can go through is loosing a child. Until you have lost one then you can't fathom the feeling. There are no words that you can say to make it better. Don't go searching for answers as to why this has happened as I know that she will never ask you seriously why, she will when she is crying but all you can do is tell her it will be ok. That you are here for her and that you care about her. Also, if she has a nursery set up at home, empty it except one thing she really loved about having a baby. The hardest thing about stillbirth is going home. Give her my love and well wishes.

Answer 4

She never seen a dr????????????????? if she knew she was pregnant which to my understanding she did then she put that risk on herself. She should of been to the dr throughout her pregnancy. After 42 weeks of pregnancy the uterus begins to deteriorate and the baby will suffer resulting in either stillbirth or disability. most of the time its still birth. This is the main reason dr's will induce by the 42nd week. the only thing you can do is be there for her and try to help her through the hard times. there is really nothing you can say or do that wont hurt her so soon or wont keep her mind off loseing the baby. good luck and sorry to hear that your friend lost the baby.

Answer 5

I was in this situation in May. My best friend's identical twin boys were delivered at 20 weeks dead. Not ever being in a situation like that, I didn't know what to say or do for her and I even told her that. She told me just knowing that I am there for her is all she needed. That is exactly what I did. I was with her through the entire thing. I took her to the hospital when she needed to deliever the babies and I was there for the delivery. She asked me to take pictures of the babies, so I did.... over 100 pictures from the time they were delivered til she left the hospital. If ever she needed to talk, I would listen. I think that was the best I could have done for her.
Just let your friend know that you are there for her when she needs you and if she needs to talk and cry... listen to her and be her shoulder to cry on.

Answer 6

Why did she not receive any prenatal care. There are many possibilities as to why the baby did not survive. If she had visited the obgyn while she was pregnant maybe the baby's death could have been avoided. Be there for her you definitely dont need to say anything

Answer 7

Well, I would have to guess that the baby died because it was 11 months old!! Man, I am furious right now!! Why didn't she get prenatal care? Her baby did not have to die... I'm sorry, but it seems to me that she allowed it to happen.

Just try to be there for her. Allow her to talk to you. Say you are sorry, but don't over do it.

Good Luck, and I hope this question puts some fear into other gorls on her to go to the doctor!

Answer 8

I agree, it was the going way to long being pregnant and not seeing a Dr that did this to the baby. I was on Depo and my babies were fine.

be there fo her, but let her do the talking.

Answer 9

after 2-3weeks AFTER your due date the babies placenta stops working so the baby cant breath and it suffercates that is why so many people get induced or C-Sectioned if they do not delever b4 there due date. Good luck on talking to her because the hospitals and doctors are prolly making it look like its her fault because she didnt go to the doctor(not saying its her fault)
Just talk to her GOD Bless you and her!

Answer 10

About 2 weeks after your due date your uterus begins to deteriorate and the baby suffers. That is probably what happened. That is why Dr. induce labor if you go past your due date.