should i leave my gilfriend of 8 and a half years?

Question

me and my girl have been together 8and half years we have 2 children who we both adore but just recently i suspect she may have kissed or even cheated on me with anotha guy... ive asked both of them if the rumours i hear are true but they both deny it i truly love her with all my heart but dont think i could stay with her if the rumours are found to be true ??? what do you think?? would you stay with your partner if in this circumstance?? any help to sort out this problem will be greatly appriciated many thanks

all the answears are good 1s upto now this situation happend when she was on the drink with her friends she keeps trying to change the subject when i try to talk to her all though i did say i would not mention it again once we had talked wich we did but then 2 more people have both says different things ???? my head is completley in turmoil over this and i no my kids must come first no matter what is to happens many thanks

Answer 1

Do you want to know the truth for sure?
Do you need to know the truth because you want your girlfriend to always be honest with you, or do you want to know the truth so that you can make a decision?
Should she have lied to you, I guess it would make her doubly guilty: For lying to you and for cheating on you.
What you need to do, before sitting and discuss this through with your girlfriend, is ask yourself whether there's any situation in your eyes that could possibly explain someone cheating on the one they love.
You did say that she was drunk. Could that be that she was taken advantage of?
Were you having problems in your couple at that particular time?
Was she particularly vulnerable at this particular time?
I'm not trying to defend her , but it seems to me that nothing is either black or white.
Now, the fact that she might be lying to you, could it be because she doesn't to hurt you further? to lose you? instead of just trying to protect her own skin?
I think that when you love someone, and have built a family with them, it's worth fighting for it, not throw them away at the first mistake.
Family is worth fighting for as much as humanly possible.
You do seem to love your girl, she needs to know it and know why you want to know the truth. That might help.
Good luck. My heart goes to you as i can imagine your turmoil, but family is definitely worth fighting for.xxx

Answer 2

I used to think that suspected cheating of a partner was the worst feeling ever. Now I know that knowing he cheated, forgiving him, and then still coming home every day wondering when it will happen again is worse. Cheating is awful, and I completely empathize with your situation. What she's saying might be true, that they are just friends and rumors get started all of the time that are complete lies. If she did cheat though, you have three ways to deal with it.

1. Forgive her if she offers you an apology. She may have been having a really bad day, not been thinking right, and done something that she regrets every second of every day. This is something that is still wrong, but I think it's forgivable.
2. Come to terms with it, but be on the edge for a while. Don't let her see the other guy at all and maybe start taking relationship counseling or something together. If she cheated, there's probably a reason, and if that reason isn't resolved then it might happen again.
3. Leave. Although I'm not encouraging this option, especially since you have children involved, sometimes it's impossible to be with someone after you've found something like this out because every time you kiss them you'll be reminded of them kissing someone else and every time you think about it you'll be wondering if/when it will happen again. Trust me, this is enough to drive a person crazy.

If you love her, forgive her and try to make things work. Forgiveness is always the best option, but it's by far the hardest and most painful method as well. If you're unable to forgive her, maybe take a month or two as a break and see if you can sort things out in your head and give her a chance to figure out what she really wants. I hope it all goes well, I know what you must be feeling and it's absolutely miserable.

Answer 3

Hmmm, I'd be lookin' at who started the rumours & on what basis, I certainly wouldn't be ending a 8 1/2 year relationship ( & with 2 children) on what is afterall "hearsay". -Both parties deny any involvement, I would accept that. Now, the last part of your question: Yes, I'd be stayin' around without a doubt, no matter what, work things out together. If you truly love her as you say, you wont let anything come between you....

Answer 4

You should try connecting with her and see if you can find out for sure.

Some counseling may even help you two be even closer so that things like this can be worked out.

If she really is or has been messing around, there is a reason why, such as things not ideal at home, she may have an addiction to such things or even just the thrill of it. But either way all these have underlying issues that cause them to happen.

Good luck!

Try to find out how she really feels about the relationship by connecting with her, not just up and leaving when you suspect something. She may be calling out for help to you and this is the only way she knows how.

Answer 5

If you love her and trust her you shouldn't listen to the rumors. But the doubt is already implanted in your head and it's hard to get it out, I know, so a little bit of the trust is lost. What I have done myself is that I've tried to find out if it was true without accusing my boyfriend, I kind of kept a close watch on him. After finding out that he has no weird behavior or any tell tale signs, I've let the issue go and continued on with the relationship.

In your case, if she has given you any sign of this conduct, any weird changes in her behavior, I would watch out, but do not leave her just yet. Are you really willing to break up an 8 year long relationship just because of a rumor? What is more omportant to you, your partner, the mother of your children or a nasty rumor?

Answer 6

I come from a place that lives on rumours. But i'd talk to her again and maybe you should decide if you have a little too much of the green eyed monster in you. But do you have a friend you could talk to and trust or maybe one that is a mutual friend that won't go backe to her and ask them to put your mind at rest. Don't go over the top with asking her or you could lose her as you may push her away. Good luck mate.

Answer 7

You can't act by just rumours you need proof. If the rumours were found out to be true only you can decide weather or not to stay. Personally if my husband cheated I would leave but that's me and not everyone is the same.

You need to ask yourself could youm live with her if she cheated and would you learn to trust her again. If the answer is No you know the answer. You can get over this.

Answer 8

8 years is a lot to throw away on speculation. You would certainly regret it, especially as you say that you love her. If its a good relationship & you love each other, I doubt she would cheat. You need to get it out of your mind, and i dont doubt that you will.
After 8 years and as the mother to your children she deserves benefit of the doubt. Separating opens up a whole other can of worms- who sees the kids when, where do they live, finances etc. If she says its not true draw a line under this and move forward. good relationships dont come along all the time.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Only you can decide that.
What an expensive item alcohol is! It would be expensive even if it were free, as a result of the damage it does to individuals and relationships.
0ne thing that you need to doo is to ask yourself if YOU have done things that you regret and are ashamed of 'under the influence' If so there is more pity (and understanding) than blame needed towards your girlfriend.
I hope that you will now work together at youir relationship. But don't either of you be 'beer mugs' agian....remember, boozers are losers.

Answer 10

when I was dating my boyfriend (now husband) "and if you have been together 8 years, I'm surprised your not married. BUT I heard rumors. A very good rule to go by is """Never Decide Before Knowing the Facts""""" A lot of times I would assume others were right and it caused a lot of problems between us that didn't need to be. Do your homework, check things out, "did he,""" """did she,"""" ???? Have they???? Don't mess up your life over rumors. Stay and Love until you know different.