if so...how do each deal with it? do you back off and stay away for a while to give the other some space and clear the air or does it go on and on and on...until theres tears? or do you do it in an adult fashion? if so, what is that method?
2007-07-07 02:44:25 · 31 answers · asked by allgiggles1984 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how do you make it up to each other? hugs? kisses? attention?
2007-07-07 02:47:40 · update #1
yup im the 'walk away' kinda girl but the opposite person feels more angry if u dont listen to them, what then? i only walk away coz thats the best way for me to deal with it and that way, hopefully then, it should stop but this guy feels even more hurt when i run off...but we all deal differently. its weird how lack of communication can make things that tad lil bad or good lol
2007-07-07 03:06:31 · update #2
definitely... I suggest that couples forget about the argument and just move on!
2007-07-07 02:47:13 · answer #1 · answered by Tim 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! You find a way to fight that isn't really fighting...it is more competitive, but not mean...My husband and I are very passionate towards eachother. We fight as passionately as we make love. Show me one relationship that has survived without ever having an argument. I'll show you one boring couple1!!
Two people share thier lives, they do no become one person...thier individuality and uniqueness are what make them attractive to you...if the old saying 'opposites attract' tells you anything, then an argument or two is to be expected. On the other hand....
.....If arguing brings tears or it is violent or verbally abusive, that is different. We have adopted a set of "Fair Fight Rules" that we adhere to. Maybe these will help...
Try not to start an argument at a bad time. If you are angry, tired, hungry, feeling badly, it's not the time to fight. Set a time when you will both be in a better mood.
Discuss, don't yell. Speak in a normal tone of voice. Try using "I messages," such as "When you didn't call, I really felt worried." instead of "You make me feel.." statements which are accusing and put your partner on the defensive.
Say, giving examples, what's bothering you. "You never..." or "You always..." are exaggerated and are never quite true, besides they divert from the issue.
Stick to the occurrence being talked about. Don't bring up past. Do one thing only. Save the rest for another day.
Don't say things about your partners character, looks, job, personality or any other personal jabb that will only cause hurt and an unfavorable lash at your personal stuff.
Look them in the eye. Don't leave the discussion or pretend to ignore them.
Only take the responsibility for your actions.
Know that Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. They can't be judged. Everyone has a right to feel how they feel.
Stay calm and in control. If feelings and emotions become too overwhelming, take a break and then to come back to the discussion later.
When a problem has been resolved, clearly restate what has been agreed to and the who, what, when and where of it. Leave nothing to be questioned.
No physcial abuse is ever allowed!!
I can't remember who wrote this but she was one smart lady...
......Good luck!
2007-07-13 02:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always say that if it wouldn't be important or an issue on your last day of life, then it shouldn't be important now ; fighting diminishes you as well not to mention the relationship ; through maturity you learn not to sweat the small stuff b/c in the end it doesn't matter; I felt sorry for myself b/c I didn't have shoes until I saw someone with no feet; change your perspective sometimes to change the problem. Fighting is exhausting; say what you need to and let it go ; that is maturity ; doesn't always feel good to have to be right?? This is not a dress rehearsal for life, you only pass this way once, you will never get this day, hour, minute again; make it the best that you can
2007-07-07 09:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by sml 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes! Whenever emotions are involved, you'll eventually argue. I recommend taking a few deep breaths & avoid the uncontrollable tears and screaming thing. Walk away saying we'll talk in a few minutes (maybe advise now of your new stratedgy), get your thoughts together & decide if it's even worth the arguement. (I once got in a screaming match over spoiled lunch meat over the phone--kinda an eye opener...not worth it at all!) If it's worth it try to argue with a purpose--no name calling/derog. words!
If you can both let each other speak uninterrupted, it helps a lot. Phrases like "I see where you're comming from" or "how can we resolve this together?" are good. Show that you're listening to the other person & that it's a shared problem that warrants shared action for a shared outcome. A lot of arguements go too far because people think they're alone with the problem. Good Luck!
2007-07-07 09:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by Melicita 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everybody has arguments - when people say, Oh we haven't had an argument in 10 years of marriage I think of one two things - they are either lying or they do not communicate very well. It depends what the argument is about - if there is an ongoing issue like money, etc then this needs to be addressed or it will keep raising it's head. If it's just a difference of opinion then I always go out of the house for a couple of hours - usually for a wander around the shopping mall!! and then forget about it. Say what you have to say and get on - I cannot stand sulkers. Some of my friends' husbands don't talk to them for a week after an argument - I can't stand an atmosphere.
2007-07-07 09:49:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Couples must argue. If they don't, their relationship is not healthy. Someone is agreeing even when they don't agree. Honesty is more important than keeping the peace. No one can tell you how to work it out in your relationship. Letters about what you have a problem with? Allowing the other time out when they need it without bad feelings about the time out?
The more you disagree and work it through, the stronger your relationship will be. You just have to figure how your relationship works. Talk about it together when there are no arguments lurking around. There's an option of agreeing to disagree once in a while. There are compromises than can be made in others. Yet some things just can't be compromised, and unfortunately, love is not enough to keep a relationship together.
Peace
2007-07-13 19:00:34 · answer #6 · answered by Linda B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have had a fair share of disagreements. We never "fight" in public or on the way home. We always wait until we are back at home. We try to calmly discuss the matter but I'm the one with the bad temper and usually end up raising my voice. In the end I clean the house and he goes down stairs into the work shop. Over the years and the military deployments we have realized that there is nothing we can't get through as long as we keep our heads about us and discuss everything completely. Don't sweat the small things.
2007-07-07 09:54:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We are only human, we cannot agree all the time, there will be times of disputes, and arguments/ fights, but as two people who truly love each other we will not go to sleep until we clear the air, we compromise, communicate when we have calmed down, we are adult about things and realise how much more we mean to each other than to let bickering get in the way of real love for each other, it gets sorted at the end of the day.
2007-07-07 10:01:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your a walk away person and he wants to be heard. Then just sit and ignore him , then you both are happy , completely tune him out. I can be with a person but if they are not saying something I want to hear I block them out. As for the make up you can do that your own way. I personally like to understand what has happened and why before the big "make up" but what ever works for you. Just because you get mad or have a disagreement or argument does not mean that you dont' love the person , just means that you have individual thoughts and your entitiled to that , your both also entitled to respect of you thoughts and opinions. If everybody that is together thought and done things the same way nobody would ever fight.
2007-07-15 03:26:32 · answer #9 · answered by seymoretowns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When in a relationship and something developes into an argument, this is what my wife and I will do: The wife will state her opinion, then I will state mine. We will both end the conversation right then, no matter what. Then return after time to discuss it. If the discussion turns ugly, then walk away again, cool off and return later. Enough of this and soon both parties will eventually see just how simple or silly that the argument was in the first place. Works for us.
2007-07-07 10:19:16 · answer #10 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you walk away then nothing gets settled! Agree to take a 5 minute break in the "discussion" when it gets too heated. Then keep talking. If it goes on too long, you can agree to disagree!
My ex always walked out when we fought, and came back acting like nothing had happened- hoping I would drop what ever the issue was.It was very frustrating to never get to the conclusion of a discussion. Or he would bring up something that had angered him in the past that he hadn't told me so he could switch the focus off of himself.
We went to counselling at my insistence to try to find a better way of communicating- for both of us.
2007-07-15 02:00:14 · answer #11 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋