after 35 years of being a good mother i thought my children 1 40 1 36 have told my husband i was abusing them?

Question

my husband who is dying of lung and liver cancer has been told by my 36yr and 40yr old that i was a terrible mother and abused them in their childhood. i have done everything for my children good holidays helped them buying there property also they were not latch key children i was always at school to meet them what have i done to deserve this especially now with the stress i have.

Answer 1

Did you have them before you were married, or are they step-children? I can't help wondering if you do know why they said it. I can't say I assume they are telling the truth, but it may be that they do perceive their childhood differently from the way you do. For example, if my mother came to the school to meet me, I think I would resent that unless we lived so far from the school that it was necessary for her to provide transportation. Otherwise, I would take it as her being too smothering, not letting me walk home with my friends. If it was a step-mother who did this, I would resent it even more, because kids do tend to put the worst possible interpretation on the acts of step-parents.

I believe you probably do know why, but you are reaching out to us here on Answers for reassurance, when in fact you must discuss this with your family.

Answer 2

This sounds so much like I was with my own mother.She did abuse us kids when we were little.She drank heavily and left us abandoned in a pack house[old farm storage house].We were found,and were put in the welfare system and went to foster care for years.One day a woman and man came to where we were living and took us to their home.
It was Christmas and we fell in love with this couple.Two weeks later,we were taken from school by these two people and told we were going to live with them.
Turns out that the woman was our natural mother and she had fought to get us back.That was in 1963.
She made a mistake a long time ago but her drinking was the problem. She no longer drank and was good to us.
She passed away last month [cancer] but before she did,she asked us to forgive her for things that happened when we were little.We did! and I think that no matter what your children think you did to them,they should find it in their hearts to forgive you.Not that you did do anything.But at least give you the chance to defend yourself.
Love can overcome any obstacle..I'll be praying for you and your family..Ladybug

Answer 3

Well, your kids have a different perception of their childhood than you do. Talk with them and clear the air. Then tell them what a difficult time this is for you and their dad. Their timing is awful and I don't know why they would want to burden you or your ill husband with this information. Whatever horrible thing you did, did you tell them no, were you strict with them, did you love them so much that you wanted to protect them from themselves, they should be over by now, forgotten and forgiven, realized they were not so easy to live all the time either and be mature adults, able to think of others besides themselves. So sorry!

Answer 4

Confront them and ask what abuse are they talking about. I would not pay them much attention. They cannot be very nice people to bring these accusations to you husband now that he is dying. Please try to not dwell on this and concentrate on the time you and your husband have left to you. My own husband recently died of lung cancer so I know something of the road you are traveling. Forget everything else, make this time about you two and what you have shared for all these years. make a few memories and discuss the future. Do not waste what will be very very precious moments. You will need them later to hold on to when the darkness falls.

Answer 5

Children, even adult children, can be mean and vindictive towards their parents for no legitimate reason. They're often extremely remorseful and regret their actions when the parents pass on. Of course by then it's much too late. The one thing that I regret most in my life is my unkindness towards my Mother while she was still living. I think just letting them know that you're disappointed in them would suffice. My prayers for you and your Husband. None for your children though.

Answer 6

My mother beat the hell out of me as a kid and ridiculed me all the time, and when I became an adult and asked her why and she told me she was trying to make me a better person. I developed panic disorder as an adult and have been struggling with it all my life. She sees my childhood as all happy and shiny with over-indulgent Christmases and tells me how lucky I was to have a mother who was always around and how lucky I was never to have had to go hungry and on and on. I think you need to ask your children why they feel this way. If both of them say it there might have been things that happened that you don't have that good a memory of.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your husband and clear up what the children have said AND you need to talk to your children to find out why they said what they said. It is very clear there are some underlying issues going on with your adult children.

Answer 8

You should talk to your children and find out why they feel this way. Something must have happened to make them have these feelings. Work it out with the kids.

Answer 9

Are you their step mother? Were they adopted later in life? You have been their mother for 35 years, but they are both older than 35.

Ask your kids what you did to them to deserve such a comment. If you have been good to them, but they are making such statements, then this is very bizarre.

Answer 10

I knew a woman named Cambria in center college. She became large candy yet young ones would continuously tease her. i became consistently sticking up for her. She became by no ability made relaxing of for her call from what i ought to bear in mind... in particular teased for what she wore. i ought to think of of names an excellent deal worse then Cambria, i think of it incredibly is respectable. in basic terms no longer something i'd heavily evaluate naming my infants.