Would you tell some1 that your husband was abusing you?

Question

I've noticed alot lately that Husbands are physically, mentally emotionally, abusing there wives. And I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure why the wife stays. I imagine the guy feeling really guilty afterwards and genuienly saying how sorry he is and saying he wants to Change. But how much is to much. Do you think the guy really does love the girl, and just is addicted just like a drug and just needs some help or do you think he is sick and there is no hope and the girl should get out before it's to late? What would you do?

Answer 1

Are you kidding? If I was abusive to the wife, she would fight back like a cornered tiger

Answer 2

There are some good points made on this board but there are a few over generalities that do not apply to all women that are or have been in abusive situations. I was in one and I don't agree with the statement "no job, little skills..etc" That was not the case for me at all. I have a high level job, Masters degree and specialized skills. The point i am making is please don't assume that abusive situations only happen to women in low economic and educational brackets.

We as women believe that if we love someone enough or try to show the guy a better way that we can change this abusive behavior, but we cant. Problem is that our will gets beat down in the process and we are afraid to leave or say something. Best thing i did was to tell my best friend after 4 years of putting up with the abuse and he told me to tell my parents. Strange i thought at first since i am a grown woman and not a living with them. Sure enough, that was great advice, my parents gave me strength to leave and basically would stay on the situation with me daily to make sure that i didn't go back.

every story is different, that is how mine went down.

Answer 3

I think that some women have been sexually abused as teens, are over weight or not very attractive or even struggled with their education often don't feel worthy of respectful treatment and allow men to mistreat them because it is better than being alone and they feel they deserve such treatment because they don't have much value for themselves.
I think it is so easy to judge and say " I would leave or no way would I put up with that" but I think you have to look at it from where they stand. There are some women who mistake abuse as "Oh that's just how Tom is, he is just real jealous and gets crazy" and I think there are some women who moved from an abusive dad to an abusive husband so they don't expect much.
I think some men do spout the "I am sorry" blah after a violent episode and some women live on that short sweetness they get after abuse.
Each situation is a little different and people are abusive for so many reasons so all of that factors in to treatment and why women stay.
Like many physical abuse victims, telling people your husband hits or kicks you makes the wife feel as if she must share in some of the shame somehow. Women often are so embarrassed and humiliated, they keep quiet. I would be brave for the sake of my children. I would not want my son to think that was how he should act nor my daughter to think it is what she should accept.

Answer 4

You can't apply logic to an illogical situation - an abuser is not a stable person, and neither is the victim. Abuse begins slowly, usually with the abuser slowly isolating the victim from family and friends. Then the abuse starts out small, like a slap or a push. It takes time for it escalate, and by that point, the victim is completely dependent on her abuser - which is why she stays. She usually has no job, little skills, no friends, no family nearby, no means of transportation, and no access to funds. It's ludicrous for people to say "I'd just leave". Obviously, if it were that simple, then OF COURSE the victim would leave. They don't understand the situation.

Answer 5

Abuse is never the answer and more than anything its not fair. These are usually women that love the men that abuse them. So I see the pickle of deciding to tell or not. But the sad truth is yes, they should tell, they should write down dates and times and take photos and try and get witnesses. It sucks but somethings aren't meant to be and if there are children involved its only repeating the cycle. It is so much easier to live what we see our parents do than it is to do what our parents say so matter what is preached to the children its a done deal. I would tell and not look back, as hard as it seems it is what is best.

Answer 6

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME is the term often used to describe people who become hostages/captives in relationships. Thru time, a person's resolve is weakened and they're unable to escape since their will has been stripped from them. This is common in abusive relationships, which is one reason wives often do not file charges against their abusive husbands.

You talk to someone... to not do so is to slowly lose your will and independence to the point that you can't tell anyone. Tolerating abuse is not far from accepting it and eventually believing one deserves it.

Finally, men who love their partners do not abuse them-- THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ABUSE IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP!!

Answer 7

I would have him arrested. No one should put up with being abused, physically or mentally. I had friends long ago, he used to beat her up, broke her nose........etc. She left him. Then she made the mistake of telling him where she moved. He went there and shot her in the face and then killed himself. They have missed everything that has happened since. Don't take abuse lightly it can turn deadly.

Answer 8

At first, it was hard telling people... but, over time it's been somewhat of therapy to talk about it. I kept making excuses for him - I thought I could make him happy, I thought I could so many things... and when he was happy - he was my soul mate... but over time I realized he was the only one that could make him change.. and he wouldn't... plus we had a baby and I saw it all through her eyes.. enough was enough. Who knows whether it's medical, psychological, whatever? It doesn't matter.. In a way, it's very sad.. part of me will always love the "happy" side of him.. but I really thought he might kill me, so I left... got sole custody of my daughter and am building a better life.

Answer 9

sometimes i think that the guy likes making his wife feel like crap. kinda like a power trip.. He knows that he is just a breathing pile of sh1t so he does all these horrible things to his wife to make him feel more adequate. he needs to feel Superior and look down on her. men are sick. if my husband abused me in any way, i would leave and tell the world what a sick bastard he is!

Answer 10

I don't believe that there is ever a good reason for anyone to put their hands on a person. I don't care if the person is sober, drunk, high or normal. If the person is not willing to get help for the root of the problem it's time to go our separate ways before one of them becomes a statistic.