Should i believe my husband when he says he has called another woman for a friend of his?

Question

I posted this question earlier, but i added more detail to the bottom.

I have been married for 6 yrs. and recently found out my husband had been calling another women. He use to call her on his cell phone. He suddenly started keeping his phone on silent and that is when i noticed on the cell phone bill (that we share) the same number over and over that he use to call. When I called the number a girl answered. I confronted him about it and he said that he was calling the girl for his best friend who is married. He says that his friend is in love with the girl. He claims that he calls the girl because his friend can't talk to her all the time. The funny thing is my husband calls this girl at 7am, and 12 pm and 4pm (which is every free moment he gets at work). He calls her every day. he doesn't call her after 5pm when he makes it home. I called the girl after i confronted him and she stated that she didn't know he was married and she only talked to my husband about his friend.

Answer 1

You have an absolute right to demand that the calling stop. Truth being told or not, your husband is out of line.

Cancel the cell phone if possible and let him know that you are wiping the slate clean and will say no more about it but his part of the deal is that the only women he makes calls to are you. If he agrees, forgive him and don't bring it up again. Work on your relationship so that the secreative world he prefers is no longer necessary and you again are strongly bonded and trusting.

Answer 2

You know your husband best, but you are asking for an outside opinion so this is mine:

Why would he bring confusion into his marriage to prevent confusion in his friend's marriage? Why can't his friend call this girl on his breaks at work instead? Sounds a little fishy to me.

If the girl told you he only calls to talk about the friend w/ out you asking her 1st, then he may be telling the truth. Especially if he did not have an opportunity to talk to her to warn her and plead w/ her to lie to you.

She also states that she didn't know he was married... the fact that he only calls during the day and never after 5 is a dead giveaway, but not all woman "choose" to pick up on those red flags.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now, but keep an eye out for the next bill and see if the calling has stopped. He will slip up eventually if he is cheating. Men are not that good at not getting caught!

Answer 3

You know your husband and you know the type of man he is. Maybe he is trying to help out what he thinks is true love, but I don't believe it. I also think sweetie, you feel like all of those calls are excessive and don't really match up with what you are being told by him. He is working and calling her during his breaks. Daily.His friend is not there to share in the conversation. I could see a 20 second call -Lisa this is Roy, Jim said to meet tonight at 6 at Red Lobster OK?- but that is not what you are describing. This is not high school and your husbands friend could easily secure a phone to call this woman if he was in love. Pay by the minute phones are readily available at gas stations.
I think you are questioning this because in your heart, you know this story stinks. Maybe it hasn't gone too far and he doesn't want you to know because he is not ready to give up his marriage.
I think you have to ask for the phone number to be changed and ask him to respect your very reasonable request not to speak to this woman again. This request should be met because you are his wife and he should care about your wishes more than his adulterous friend.

Answer 4

Do not believe him, do some detective work and find out what is really going on. Show up at his lunch time to have lunch with him, meet him after work to go to dinner, just these little things. Ask who the friend is that he is calling for and confront the friend as well. IF your husband is telling you the truth (which I highly doubt) then his friend is using him! Either way your man is in the wrong! Good Luck

Answer 5

No, that's ridiculous. Sounds like the kind of lie that a person who got busted would make up on the fly.

It would be one thing if it were ONE phone call. But let's be realistic...if this was a woman his best friend is in love with, would he need to be talking to her multiple times per day? Of course not!

(Also, another silly part of his lie...does he really think it makes him sound like a good husband to be supposedly facilitating another man's cheating on his spouse?)

You should call him out on his lie. Tell him that you feel a moral obligation to tell the best friend's wife about the situation - she has the right to know if her husband is in love with someone else. Watch your husband sweat and try to come up with a multitude of reasons why you can't talk to his friend's wife...people who are bad liars (as your husband appears to be, to come up with such a ridiculous excuse) tend to trip themselves up when backed into coming up with a story on the fly. Give him just enough rope to hang himself, and the truth will come out.

I'm sorry to be so harsh - you can see from my answer history that I generally try to be positive and optimistic. However, I just cannot imagine any reasonable scenario based on the info you posted where your husband is NOT lying/cheating. :( (Obviously at a bare minimum, he's facilitating someone else's lying and cheating, which still shows a low respect for the meaning of marriage.)

P.S. It means nothing that the girl corroborated his story - she could just as easily have been covering for him.

Answer 6

Absolutely a problem ! How often doe's he call you? I would be completely put out and feel very inadequate. I think he has more than friendship in mind . He is not being honest . I would have to rethink my relationship and where I stood as his wife and friend. Trust is the number one thing to me in my marriage and it would depend on how he handled it from here on out . If he stands accountable for his actions that would say it all. If he continued to be dishonest you should think of moving in another direction. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Well Hun all i can say is sometimes are friends can talk us into doing stupid things!! Hes your husband and u know him better than anyone.. U have to think about has he done something like this before, is he normally a good honest and caring man??? Just make sure he wasn't or was doing something wrong because i would hate to think u wasted 6 years and he was innocent... Good LUCK!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I just find it a little weird why your husband would have to talk to a grown man fling. One would think that his friend can do that for himself. You even have trifling females that would lie for their lover. I think one of two things could be going on. His cheating and she covering for him because his lying to her, or she is getting closer to your husband rather than the friend since they talk so much. Whatever it is you most definitely need to pray about it.

Answer 9

Hell no! It's not for a friend. Tell your hubby to drop dead. If you want to be sneaky, plan a 'special' (wink, wink) night out with you hubby, tell the friend that you are planning a 'surprise party for your hubby-don't bring the wife-'boys night out!", tell her to come and meet you b/c you would like to get to know her better. (Make up some bs.) Watch her-whoever she is making cow eyes @ is her other 1/2. Good luck.

Answer 10

Hes lying if hes just saying thats just a friend because why does he call her everyday and why doesnt the friend call the girl himself, so in my opinion no dont believe him