Thinking about divorce.?

Question

Married to a pretty good guy. I have started to have serious jealousy and distrust issues with him. It is just little stuff through our relationship. Tonight he went out with some friends to a bar and text me ... asking questions and saying its not fun without me. He hasn't ever cheated on me. I have serious self esteem issues. I know why I have the issues. I'm not going to seek therapy for them. That won't make my boobs get any bigger. *hint. I don't want a relationship with him anymore. I'm tired of wondering if Im pretty enough for him. I don't like him looking at other girls and lusting after them. I know he does. He makes comments about their boobs and butts to me all the time. I just don't have the energy or the emotional strength to deal with his shyt. I'm tired of it. my profile on myspace is dannanicolexxx. There are some pics of the there. Hearing "your beautiful" and actually believing it are two different things. Divorce is in my head. Am I wrong? ????

Hey drew blood... did that last weekend ... and I didn't get through one drink when he started screaming that I was wrong ... and we needed to leave. it was 12 am. He was jealous because a guy 5 feet ways in the same VIP section fixed my friend and I a drink from their private bar .... they bought the bottles. A fight ensued. Something I'm still not over. And the whole tanning bed doesn't work for me. I don't feel any better. Been there ... done that. But I loved your response.

Maybe I don't love him. Maybe I'm too young. Maybe I don't know what love is. If I loved him ... would I be thinking of divorce. Or is loving him what is keeping me from doing it?? Or the fact that all the furniture and the appliances in the house I bought?? hmmm i really dont know.

I did not have these issues before I got with him. I developed these after hearing about me being too fat and my boobs too small. I become the topic of small chests.

Answer 1

While your husband shouldn't be commenting on the anatomy of other women, you are wrong to give up on your divorce so easily. As a married couple you should both be willing to fight for your marriage by all means necessary. It sounds to me like neither one of you are making an effort to save or better your marriage. Before God instituited the church, he instituted marriage and since the beginning of time starting with Adam and Eve, there have been dark forces trying to destroy the happiness and joy that can come with marriage. You yourself admit that you have self esteem problems but yet you are willing to do nothing about it. Therapy isn't about building or changing your body, it is about developing your mind and changing the way you see view things. If you aren't willing to fight for your marriage then perhaps you were never serious about it in the first place. Think about it. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Peace and God bless.

Answer 2

Trust that he loves you. You say you don't want a relationship with your husband anymore because you're tired of wondering if you are pretty enough for him.
Translation: I'm going to dump my husband because I feel bad about myself.
Doesn't make sense to do something to another person because of your feelings not about him but about yourself!
Then you say that he makes comments about girls' boobs and butts to you all the time. Have you told him that this is something you can't live with and it could possibly push you out the door of the marriage? Or do you just do a slow simmer and think, 'If my boobs were bigger, I wouldn't have this problem?'
It may sound like I'm telling you to stay with him. I'm not. I'm telling you that your reasons sound very shaky and when you do leave him, your problems with self-esteem won't go away. If he's that shallow and superficial that his interest in women is fueled by talking about their boobs and your self-esteem is based on the size of your own boobs, then in a strange twisted way, yours is a match made in heaven.
I have been in a relationship where my self-esteem took a beating but it was because I had to listen to those remarks and the guy was cheating and he really had no interest in commitment to a relationship with me. Yeah, it was misery.
But you have a commitment, you have someone who doesn't cheat (are you worried that he might?) and he actually gets jealous of other men being attracted to you. So what more could you ask for? What am I missing here?

Answer 3

I am sorry you are going through this - you sound tormented. But you are tormenting yourself. Sometimes there are reasons why one developes a "gut" feeling. But I am not sure from all that you have wrote here if your husband is kind of talking for/through you. Do you truly believe that it is all you? You seem confused as to if it is your own self-esteem issues, love or both.
You should, if you haven't already, sit down with your husband and explain to him that his constant verbal badgering of your physical appearance and/or the comparison of yours to someone elses is very hurtful to you. Mostly, because he is your husband and your friend. It's possible that you are internalizing your agony over his "lusting" when you should just find a way to make him stop. Obviously, all men are looking, thinking and flirting (and us women too), but try to recall that according to your own words, he has never cheated on you. I think you need to get this out to him and you will feel better. If he loves you, he will ease up around you. Time will tell. If he gets worse, he is a bully and you need to consider getting out of the marriage at that point. Good luck.

Answer 4

i think you are absolutely wrong you feel like your too far gone with the damage you have caused with your jealousy issues huh? well this is a problem lots of women have but you are taking the first step in the right direction by seeking counseling and you should not give up on your marriage so easily especially if your husband is a good enough man to deal with your problems and stay around while you work things off but if you feel that it would be easier on you to take some time off while you work through your problems maybe you should sit down and talk to him about this .

Answer 5

I think you need to get off the computer and have a girls night out every week or two! Have some margaritas, flirt with some guys if you want (but don't cheat) and then go back home to your husband who is probably 10X more worried about the guys hitting on YOU because he knows the only way girls will talk to him is if he buys them drinks! Don't believe me? Make sure you and your girlfriends are in the same bar as him and his guy friends next time! See who gets the most drinks for free! I bet he won't get as many free drinks for kissing his best friend as you will for kissing yours! ha ha ha!

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you BOTH need marriage counseling. He's turned you into an insecure woman who has no confidence in her beauty. You guys seriously need therapy to make it. I'm not surprised you're thinking of divorce if he's constantly making comments about how fat you are. That's not very nice of him at all. You need to tell him how these comments make you feel.

Answer 7

Sounds like you made your decision my dear. Don't drag him through hell to get there . In his defense the grass is always greener and you obviously have issues to work out before you even got together. Choose. Either it is worth working on or not. Include him in that decision. Good Luck

Answer 8

You dont divorce because you are having issues. News flash! Marriage is HARD sometimes! You divorce because he's hitting you or because he's cheating on you.

Other than that you signed up for life.

Answer 9

You are wrong.

At the very least, see if counseling will help with these issues. Divorce is a very dramatic step

Answer 10

You sound young and insecure. Please seek some counseling to acquire love of self. No ONE can provide that for you. Once one loves and respects oneself, others will do likewise........or they'll fall by the wayside. In either case YOU win!