How do you "let go"?

Question

How do you let go of the past to get on with the future? My marriage has seen better days and i think in order for us to see better days again, I need to let go of many things that my husband has done in the past. (nothing like cheating or beating) I just do not know how to forgive and forget. i try but it is always in my mind. I know we cannot move foward until i let go but I DONT KNOW HOW!! Please help. Serious answers only please. Thanks in advance.

It is not HIS PAST that i am trying to let go of. It's things that has happened durring our marriage. Things that he has done and said to me. Things that has hurt our family.

Answer 1

Honey,
You know I love you to pieces (and your family). But this is one of those things that you are going to have to find your own way through. Forgiving is the easier of the two (heavens knows!!!) but forgetting??? Totally different story. But in truth, you shouldn't forget. Neither should he. If the two of you have done things that have hurt each other in the past (stop smirkin, your halo can't be platinum!!!) it would do neither of you any good to forget those things as if they never happened. That would only make way for those same mistakes (or ones very similar) to be repeated. Instead you try to look at them for the life lessons that each incident provided you with so that you are better able to grow from them.

I know you guys are in love (it shows all over your face) and something like this SEEMS like it should be easy (haha, jokes on you!!! what in life has EVER been "easy") but fa real marriage isn't easy, but it is sooooo worth it if you've married the one you love!!! (I guess thats why the vows say "for better or for worse" lol, someone saw it coming!!!) and you have!!!

So Honey, you hang in there and I bet you will find your way!!!

Hope this helps!
I <3 ya!!
Xs & Os!!!

PS oh yeah... you asked for help on the how, didn't you? well, try this: write down the things that make you happy about him on little pieces of paper. keep them in a jar on your dresser (or in your sock drawer) and then whenever you feel like you're getting angry about old stuff pull a piece out from the jar and remind yourself of all of the reasons that you love him and why you have forgiven his transgressions over the years. repeat as necessary. sooner or later it will become a mind over matter thing and you won't even need the actual papers anymore, your mind will be trained to move on to its happier place (its the whole Pavlov's Dogs thing) ya dig?

Answer 2

Girl, i know exactley what you mean, i'm going through the same thing....your suposed to forgive and forget, the forgiving part can be easy it's the forgetting part that is so dang hard, the best thing to do is stop and think to yourself, that was the past...it has nothing to do with now....there is nothing you can do about the past at all so why worry over it, i myself have been in your shoes and i'm still not completly over fretting over the past but whats helped is everytime i start thinking of the past things i start telling myself to just let go...think of now and how right now will soon be the past and if we don't want to repeat the past we need to live for today and do the best we can to make it great ...i'm so confusing....hope this helped somewhat...it also helps to write down your feelings on papers, keep a journal....right down all the good things happenig and when you have bad thoughts about the past look up the good ones you wrote down, you'll soon forget the bad

Answer 3

People R who they R, and he treats U how U let him. Know Ur worth never forget it, We r not perfect and we all do and say thing that sometimes hurt others. Only U know how real his love is, I don't think U should forget the things that have hurt U, but if U think Ur love is worth it then try 2 see the better side of him. Don't always look for faults and talk2 him, tell him how U feel see what his reaction is that should give U some insight as to weather or not U should put it behind U. Best of luck.

Answer 4

you asked for a serious answer. go to amazon.com and look up an older book called " being a woman" by dr. toni grant. it was a groundbreaking book written maybe over 10 years ago and it is valuable for anyone who is married to have in their personal library, because it reminds us how to be loving and caring. it reminds us of the power we have as women. there is also another amazing book called, " do one thing different" and it is on amazon,com too, i just checked, both books are there., well, it is about one person in a marriage deciding to make things better, and how just doing this works magically to actually make things better. from your question i feel you are searching for a happier future, i assure you it is within your power to achieve. you can do this.

Answer 5

hey girl, i wish i could give u some good advice, but the only thing i can tell u is that ur gonna have to decide to move past that on ur own. If u really want to get on with ur life and get past it, then u will eventually learn to deal with it. Just talk to him about it and tell him how u feel. Hit me up if u need somebody to talk to about it......good luck girl

Answer 6

to forget anything that has caused us pain is not easy, infact, it's ok not to forget but learning to forgive will ease the burden better than keeping it bottled up. alright, forgiving is difficult but its even harder to live a day to day life with the past hurts lurking somewhere. when you shall have forgiven and leave the rest to God, you know in your heart that people have caused you pain but it will feel better when you know inside you that you have forgiven the sinner but not the sin. it will feel better to let go. This difficulties or pains that we go through can happen to anyone. It didn't happen to you alone. Life has always been fair. You just have to have faith in yourself & God for Gods love is greater than our disappoinments & his plans for our life is always better than our dreams.

Answer 7

I've been there you will never forget but your heart can forgive. Once you forgive you can move on and never even in anger bring up the past you will see you will be happy again

Answer 8

You can forgive, but it is hard to forget. Only time will ease the memory of what it is that your husband done, wont block it out completely but will help you except.

Answer 9

If you knew all these before you married him, then it shouldn't even be an issue. whatever he has done, it was for a reason. maybe you need to take time off for yourself to put yourself back together. u don't seem to mention him having this kind of issue, so i suggest you work things out for yourself and get back to being a wife again. Good luck to u.

Answer 10

seem.s like this is what tears a marrage up lack of commutioantion between you . two try it might just work. in my opion?