I have been happily married 16 yrs..My husband is 42 and has lied and kept stuff from me in the past..Like 11 yrs ago he gave his 2 weeks notice at his job,didnt have another 1 lined up and didnt tell me he did this..The way i found is i was looking in the want ads and found his job i confronted him and he told me everything..Last yr he lied about numerous things so i had a talk with him and he promise to stop doing these things but he broke that promise so i again had another talk with him and he promise to be open and honest with me and i hope he has but who knows also a few times he made up stuff that wasnt true..Before last yr i never really paid attention to this situation but i am now..Other then this problem he is a great guy who is very sweet,loving,affectionate and treats me like a queen..So my question is can a person change bad habits or is it hopeless?
2007-07-06 16:33:27 · 20 answers · asked by vicky d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Since that talk last yr i dont know if he has lied about anything to me but i pay attention more closely now.
2007-07-06 16:41:50 · update #1
A person can only change if they want to. If you've already adressed the issue and he refuses to change, I would take issue with it, because he is obviously hiding something.
2007-07-06 16:36:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change bad habits if they want to but it takes a lot of practice and a lot of effort. What you might want to consider more is can you trust someone that has lied to you so much in the past? For me, I would have to see a lot of effort put in there! If I caught him in one lie, Id probably file for a divorce. Those were serious things that could have effected both of you greatly. He wasnt considering that. He kept it from you for a reason! Trust is very important.. if you dont have it, you dont have a relationship worth anything.
2007-07-06 23:37:03 · answer #2 · answered by jms62394 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, people don't change at 42, You live with this for 16 years already, and if you steel can say, that he treat you like a queen, you can consider your self a very lucky woman. As long as you know this problem, try to learn to dill with this, and look inside of yourself, maybe he doing this to protect you from something. Just tell him , that you love him. Good Luck!
2007-07-06 23:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by reality 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if he's got much likelihood of changing. He's got to really believe that he needs to, and it's hard to know from your question whether he really believes that or just made the promise to satisfy you.
While I am certainly NOT saying that it is your fault he lies, I wonder whether there is anything you are inadvertently doing to reinforce that behaviour or whether there's anything you could do to make it easier for him to be honest about things. If this comes up again, maybe that's something you could ask him to think about.
2007-07-06 23:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by Ambivalence 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From the shoe on the other foot in my case sometimes we don't tell because we don't want conflict. Which is bad because that means there is not an open safeness there. If you overreact to silly things then the mate withholds from you to ovoid conflict. You need to act like a freind which we all lose in a relationship. Hes only doing this because he feels he is disapointing you and has a fear to talk openly to you. Maybe its you that also needs to change.
2007-07-06 23:40:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are some things guys lie to us about or hide from us because they dont want to be nagged...like mom's did. I'm in the same boat, but i'm still fresh at marriage. My husband doesnt tell me when he goes to his buddies house and when he does, he uses another excuse then leaves his phone.."IN THE CAR" but he always has it when he's every where else. You've been married 16 years, so to me...you're making it sound hopeless for my marriage..
2007-07-06 23:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by Laurellamags 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can a person change bad habits? Only if he knows they are bad and he wants to. I hate liars. But I have to look at "why" they are lying. Are they doing it to protect me? Are they doing it because they "know" I will go ballistic on them? There are worse things in the world. Does he beat you or run around on you? No one is perfect. If he stopped lying, would he be close to perfect? We all have faults and weaknesses. It seems like every time you talk to him he does good for awhile, then its back to his old ways. He "wants" to please you, you can tell it by the way he changes after your talk. You have to get him to understand how his lying really hurts you. Tell him you won't ever get mad at him for telling the truth. Let him know how much you hate lying and how every time he does, it makes it harder and harder for you to trust him. Good luck.
2007-07-06 23:43:02 · answer #7 · answered by Becky F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he may be a habitual liar. I feel for you because it is a kind of torment not being able to trust a spouse. The only thing that will cure a habitual liar is repentance and salvation . You've got some praying to do. God bless!!
2007-07-06 23:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by BERT 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By now it is hopeless. Love him like he is, or leave him. Would you want someone trying to change you? Just let him know that you would appreciate it if he kept you in the loop. That is the positive way to say it.
Ever thought that he might be afraid to tell you things?
2007-07-06 23:36:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They can but they usually don't, he sounds like a habitual liar and all you can do is keep letting him know when you've caught him unless he'll go get counseling to find out why he feels the need to lie all the time.
2007-07-06 23:39:25 · answer #10 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋