Should I get a Divorce?

Question

I have been married 23 years. My spouse is mentally ill and it has been very difficult. He refuses counselling, psychiatry, he is on medication but he is still miserable. He's very angry and has frequent outbursts. He is back on his pain killers when he went through withdrawal to get off of them. I feel like he'll never change. He hates his job-this is the latest job. I feel terrible but should I go on being miserable too? I'm attracted to someone else but I think it's only because I've been unhappy for so long, and feeling no companionship. My husband just sleeps. We never go out. He never eats with me. He hardly speaks to me. He was better for a while but now he is back to being the same way he has been for so long. I really don't want to live this way any more. I'd rather be alone. We have twins, who are 18 years old now and they know how their father is also. No one would blame me if I left. Any opinions? Would you stay?

Answer 1

It seems like it might get scary sometimes. But it might hurt him even more if you get a divorce.. especially since you've been married so long. If he scares you or makes you cry for things GET A DIVORCE. no one should scare you or make you cry. it is not right. they wouldnt do that if they really loved you. consider your situation. I hope i helped.

Answer 2

No, I don't think divorce is the answer. Marriage isn't supposed to be easy, you have to put alot of effort into it to make a good one. Too many people take the easy way out and marriage is supposed to be forever and a holy covenant.

I know this has got to be driving you nuts. I wish I could do more to help. My advice is to stick in there. Maybe you and your spouse can start a hobby together or something. This may get his mind off his problems and draw you two closer together again.

23 years is a long time to throw away. And, you obviously have loved him to have lasted this long. There has to be something, marriage counseling?, that you can try. Besides, you may be the only one that can help your husband come out of this. Try to be supportive and understanding and encourage him to spend some couple time with you.

Also, aside from that, maybe you could find a weekly group like bowling or the gym or something to become involved in. If you have something to look forward to and time away from your problems at home you may not feel so lonely and hopeless. And, if you feel content and confident, maybe some of that will transfer to your husband.

Hope all works out for the best.

Answer 3

Motorgirl, if I were you I would probably leave because if your spouse doesn't even eat with you and just sleeps, why would you want to even try to have some sort of relationship with him. If I were you I would tell him straight up what your feelings are on the relationship at the moment and tell him that he has made your life miserable. If you like another man than go for him and leave your spouse. What's the point of living with someone when all they do is sleep and do nothing, And your twins, if the know how your hubby is than you should have no regrets leaving him. Just go with your gut girl and if you want to leave that leave, thats what I would do.

Answer 4

I hate divorce, seeing as my parents aren't working out. I'm 20 by the way.

Also though, I hate a marriage that isn't working out, because I saw that too. I think it's so sad that your husband won't get help. He absolutely needs to. Maybe instead of divorcing you should just move out for a while. I know that will be hard, and it sounds bad, but a lot of times people need space to figure out their junk. Don't give up just yet, but I think if you move out you will really make him think about stuff. Maybe he doesn't realize what he has, and won't realize until it's gone. My grandparents were married 53 years until my grandma passed away, and there was one point where things weren't working and she took all her kids with her to her mom's place, even though it was only two weeks, and they eventually figured out their junk and obviously stuck together and had a long, happy, and successful marriage. Hope this helps, and I will pray for you and your husband.

Answer 5

Have you tried counseling together(like marriage counseling) or has he refused that too? If not maybe he'll be more willing if you both go. I would tell him to go get help or you're getting a divorce. Maybe he'll see that you're serious and change his mind. Be admantment about this, but don't just go get a divorce without giving him a chance. (This is assuming you haven't brought up the thought of divorce with him yet.)

Don't get yourself involved with another man until your divorce is at least completely over with. Just like someone else said it's best to wait until a year after the marriage.

Answer 6

It sounds like you are your husbands' parent. You did take vows "for better, or for worse" but most marital guidelines do not mesh with today's lifestyles. But, as far as you getting a divorce, I think it would be good for your own mental health. Maybe you should try counselling first. Life's too short to be miserable. Most likely you are attracted to the other person because they aren't your husband. So I would wait a while before you start dating again.

Answer 7

A freedom or a alluring is a state granted permission to do some thing interior a definite potential that they later set with lawsuits. it somewhat is a comedian tale. All of politics is a comedian tale. Telling somebody they're allowed to be unfastened isn't genuine freedom and is even worse being a entire perversion of what a alluring or freedom truly is.

Answer 8

A very difficult choice, but no, probably not, I wouldn't stay. If he is so insensitive that he is unable to see the pain he is causing to his family and making no effort to reform, may be it is time to call it quits. But I would be very very careful about choosing my next partner, I have to be sure first that I am not doing it on the rebound. People with a difficult past carry a lot of baggage with them and unwittingly cause problems for others. I would have to be sure first that I wouldn't fit the stereotype.

Answer 9

That's a tough call, if he refuses to do what his doctor tells him then he doesn't want to get better, you need to tell him that if his behavior continues you're leaving. I think after 23 years you've proved your commitment to him, most would have left years ago, so I applaud you for that. If there's someone that could make you happy and give you what you're looking for in a relationship then go for it, but do it the right way.

Answer 10

That's a very hard situation for you and I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to advise getting divorced but it's your choice. Have you talked through how you feel lonely to him? I'm not married so I'm probably not much help. Maybe you two could go to marraige counseling together. Because you are in it together, as far as the marriage.

Answer 11

Tell your husband, he needs to go to counseling and get off the pain killers or your going to leave him. Nobody should live life like that. Life is too short to be miserable everyday.