with her mother. She flies up here, and he goes there and visits his daughter. I fully support him visiting, and paying to support his child, of course he should.
But I don't like the socializing that goes on when he visits there. I don't go with him, his ex has made it clear that if she ever saw me near her daughter she would make life hell for me.
But they go out for lunches, the three of them, he fixes things in the house like the TV etc.
I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do have a problem with it, I feel he should go to the house, pick his daughter up & leave. It is nothing to do with me, his ex, I know it is their daughter and I just keep out if it.
I am not obsessed or paranoid, I do trust him, but I don't know what to think.
They split up b/coz he says she had issues and was crazy. But I am woman enough to know that this is only his side of it! She does use the daughter to manipulate him though, his daughter tells me she loves me as her family.
2007-07-06 15:57:46 · 9 answers · asked by Chocolate Bunny 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says that his daughter wants her parents together, that's why he does it.
Am i being selfish and horrible. She is 9.
2007-07-06 15:59:50 · update #1
Lydia, yes it is wonderful he tries so hard. The ex moved her away that is why she lives so far, he hasn't moved and he can't keep following her around the country, he has a job and we have a baby too. I really don't nag him I just wondered about other experiences, thanks for answering though, I see what you're saying.
2007-07-06 16:10:28 · update #2
HappyDawg and Kathy... yes I agree thank you.
2007-07-06 16:13:46 · update #3
God this question of mine is getting long!! He stays in a nearby hotel, but recently he mentioned the ex offered he can stay with his daughter to save the hotel costs. I didn't say much, just that if we book hotels in off peak seasons we can get a good price etc. I go sometimes, but time off work, young baby etc makes it hard.
2007-07-06 16:19:10 · update #4
so if the ex has said she will flip if you are any where near the kid what happens when the kid comes to your place to visit.
You don't sound a BIT obsessed or paranoid IMO but the ex does sound very good at keeping your husband on his toes....the fixing stuff in the house well as a single parent years back I would pretty much grab most of my male mates to do some little odd stuff around the house so that's kinda the norm and the odd lunch out does not seem to bad it at least gives the child a sense of self................
My other main thought is WHERE does he stay when he goes up to visit...if it is in a hotel then why can you not go with him and do some sight seeing / shopping of your own but also make it very clear that you expect him back for dinner with you..................the ex should not have a damm thing to say about that and if she does kick off then at least you will see where your husband falls on this issue or even more so what HE says about you coming to visit with him
Regards
2007-07-06 16:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by candy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't want to offend you but when you married him you knew he had a daughter. Now the ex wife you should tell your husband to tell the ex to contact him only when necessary for their daughter. It is a hard situation. I am dealing with something similar myself. He must stand up to her and demand peace on the homefront for your sanity. Unfortunately, there is not an easy button you can push to make all the bs go away just try to keep your composure and maybe it will be better.
2016-05-20 02:48:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like he is a little cozy there doesnt it. I am sort of in the same situtation. I guess if she is re married perhaps its ok, but doesnt sound like she is.
I would set some boundaries. I dont understand why he would be going without you. Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him.
As for his ex wife, she is being manipulative and I think she is in control and knows it. He is being spinless because you are his wife now and deserve his respect and she needs to know that.
It doesnt matter whether you are his 1st, 2nd or 4th wife because you are his wife. His daughter will always be his child, but his ex wife is a has been and time for her to move on and get outa the way. Its not her place to say if she ever sees you with her daughter blablabla..... who cares what she thinks. Its over between her and him. What matters now is his relationship with his daughter. She is not being fair. She is once again,,, manipulating. She is jealous of you.
I totally agree with Kathy below me. Tell it like it is sister!
2007-07-06 16:03:56 · answer #3 · answered by happydawg 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
man i feel like i'm looking in a mirror. my byfrnds ex has issues and she pulls the same stuff.
she also does the we should be together stuff too.
their daughter is too young yet to do the we all should be a family thing.
she has me saved in her ph as (his names) *****. oh that's mature
i don't like the socializing when he went to visit. she always ends up getting them to a bar and drinking. it makes me wonder when she's ac if she will pull something then blame it on the booze... oh i didn't mean to end up standing at your bed butt naked asking if you want to have sex with me oops lmao
i trust him too. but it's irritating how she behaves
i soooo feel for you!
she does use their child too... i need more money for this and that. and no you can't see her bcse i changed my mind.
i know his daughter had a great time the last time we had her with us and seemed to not want to leave us.
breaks my heart that some women are like this~~
can't we all get along
ps she lives w/child in illinois. we live in delaware... we aren't moving there to be closer bcse it's not feisable
2007-07-06 16:17:03 · answer #4 · answered by nataliexoxo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
his ex is manipulative
unless there is a ver goo reason she shouldn't try keeping her daughter away. if she is s crazy as the husband says you would have a good reason to keep your children from her.
she shouldn't force him to spend time with her , he should see the child but not the mother. explain to your hubby that you have no objection to any contact/ support for daughter, but the ex deserves no special treatment and should demand seeing the daughter without the mother. the child should realize that her parents aren't together anymore but it doesn't mean that they love her less.
2007-07-06 16:13:43 · answer #5 · answered by sweet tooth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Miss Daughter needs to quit manipulating the parents and Dad needs to stop helping her do it...Mrs Ex needs to grow up and do her own dirty work...(ie, fixing things...) so if I were you I'd go with him the next time, no matter what Mrs Ex says. (she's supposed to be an adult). Make sure you ALL do things together....and get Miss Daughter to some therapy (Dad too).
2007-07-06 16:07:41 · answer #6 · answered by Chrys 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You two need to seek some counseling... the wife is not being fair, nor appropriate... Yes, sweetie, I'd be concerned big time. He's acting more like a husband to her than to you... he needs to figure out where his priorities are... Ought he to be concerned if you were acting the way he is???
2007-07-06 16:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You bet. He at least is making an effort - actually he should be living MUCH closer to her so he could see her more!
Look, you knew you were dating a guy with an ex and a child! However, you chose to marry him. His first family will ALWAYS come first, and that's just the reality.
How you chose to respond, though, is YOUR reality. You can be distrustful, negative, and nagging, or be his second, wonderful wife.
2007-07-06 16:03:12 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think its wonderful he is in her life, as so many children today have only 1 parent, however, i dont see a problem with her coming to your house to visit like most normal situations. i would not like my husband doing that, and he said "no way in he!!" would he...i dont understand that....
2007-07-06 16:16:17 · answer #9 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋