Do you believe that women and men should stick to traditional roles to have a successful marriage?

Question

Do you think that women should be the ones primarily raising the kids while the father makes the money? I realize I'm posting this in feminist country, but I want your take.

Women have different roles than men. That doesn't make them any less important or more important. Just different. It's just how it is. Women are chosen to give birth and to breast-feed. Men don't have that attachment.

I'm not saying women are not allowed to work. You can do whatever you want. I'm just saying that to have a successful marriage, I think men and women need to stick to the roles that God has made for us (or evolution, if that's what you believe...probably a more preferable choice by the feminists).

What's your take?

Sarah is definitely a feminist who hates men, but other than that I agree with most people here.

Answer 1

I think neither husband nor wife should be more exhausted than the other. That often means following "traditional" gender roles, but not always. Married people should feel free to specialize in whatever suits them best. Often, that means that women will do more of the child care, but it isn't necessarily so. Many other parts of "gender roles", such as who handles the finances, or who takes the car into the shop, are really cultural and vary a lot.

However, there is NO culture on Earth where men do the majority of child care and women work more hours for pay than men. If it were purely chance or socialization, you would expect to see that once or twice, but you don't. So clearly biology plays a part - biology is not destiny, but it IS statistical probability. Actively trying to overthrow biology can't be good for any marriage, IMHO. (although a few families will have "reverse" roles for childcare and do just fine)

Answer 2

I think what is "traditional" doesn't matter so much as what works for each individual couple. Since you seem to be a believer in traditional roles, you will almost certainly be happiest with a woman who shares your beliefs. For many other couples, things might not be so clear-cut. Obviously, men can't give birth or breastfeed, but there are otherwise very few things that one gender or the other is genuinely *incapable* of doing, and not many more things that men and women can't do just as well as the other given the proper knowledge and skills. It comes down to the wishes and expectations of the couple, which need to be laid out openly and honestly for any marriage - traditional or not - to suceed.

In short, if a couple agrees *together* that the man should stay home and take care of the kids and the housework and the woman should be the breadwinner, there's no reason why their marriage should be any less successful than a couple who decide together that the woman will stay home and the man earn the money or a couple who agrees that both should share both responsibilities.

Answer 3

Traditional roles are relative. They have been superficial parameters invented by the "superior humans" in vogue of certain era and culture.

What makes a successful marriage is communication and honesty.
Honesty about what each partner wants in life, be it a traditional life style or a liberal one, and been able to communicate this in an assertive way to the other person. With this information, people know what their partner wants and if it is ok with their own idea of a life style.

The unsuccessful marriages are because people go there with little or wrong information about the other person. Like for example marrying a person that wants children with someone that is not interested in having a family. Or thinking that religious differences are not important, when for the significant other is a matter of serious concern and so on.

Answer 4

Well, speaking for me personally, I do agree that I should raise the kids and he should pursue his career and provide for the family (not to say I can't have a part-time job to work around family's schedule) and I believe that knowing what is expected in the relationship before starting a family helps the marriage down the road. I think women feel/felt that generally speaking, we can never think of quitting/walking away from raising kids when women feel exhausted or find out it's not what women wanted to do or simply just to take a break because raising kids is never ending. Where men can quit their jobs or walk away from their family or go to a bar with their buddies after work because men feel they need a break, etc. So being financially dependent on another person can feel awful.

Every couple/marriage is different. I think people need to understand that everyone changes. It may have worked, initially for mom to be home and dad to be at work (or vice versa), things may happen or change and role reversal may be necessary.

I think successful marriage comes from open communication and acceptance...not so much understanding...but acceptance and respect for each other. I also believe that shared values and morals are important.

Answer 5

Yes, there is different roles in a marriage. I do not believe that washing dishes and cooking is crap work. I really enjoy doing all of this. I loved staying at home and taking care of it and the kids. I think it is great that he is off making a living for us. I just started working for the first time in 15 years and so our roles have changed. My husband does a lot of the dishes and helps out a lot with the kids. Marriage is what you make it. If you both work, share the duties.

Answer 6

MOST women are better with raising children than MOST men are. However, in order to be successful at it, it takes both parents. I think it all depends on the individuals. For example, housekeeping in my home is the responsibility of whoever has time. Since I'm a teacher, I do almost all of it during the summer. My husband does most of the yard work, not because he's a man, but because I'm allergic to the grass. There is something to be said for having the ability to breast-feed. And in most cases if someone is going to stay home with a very small child, it would probably be better to be the mother. But once that child is older, I don't think it matters that much who does it.

Answer 7

In an ideal situation, I think one parent should stay at home until the kid goes to school. I don't care which one stays at home (that would probably depend on how much money they are each making, or which one really wants to stay, and things like that). As for domestic chores, I think they should be done by both, but it depends who works more (although if one the parents stays at home, and the kids are still young, the other should still do some things, at least during the week-end).

So, no, I don't think people should stick to Western traditional roles.

Answer 8

You know that is a hard question to answer. I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer. It would be hard for women to stick with traditional families because times have changed. Everything qround us has changed so how could we expect women to stay traditional. Now it is almost expected that women work and be independent unless you find that special man that likes a women to old fashion.

Answer 9

A marriage works best when it is a partnership with divisions and roles both partners are happy with. Some women are very happy with a 'traditional' role, which can vary according to which tradition she was raised in. Other women have different needs, perhaps for a career, volunteer work, lots of intellectual or artistic expression, etc. Some women love to be mothers, others have no desire for children. Some women love to cook, others could burn water. I've known plenty of men who are absolutely amazing in their mastery of skills that are 'traditionally' considered women's territory, such as cooking, fiber arts, child care, etc.. Whatever the options are, if you force someone, male or female, into a role that they are not suited for, or don't want, you're just going to get misery and resentment.

My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, and are going stronger than ever. We have no children, by choice, and we both are involved in small businesses, he as a partner, myself as a self supervised employee with considerable say in my own job. Neither of us would be happy if we couldn't exercise our intellect and skills to their fullest. We trade off decision making according to who is the most skilled in the subject at question, and work together so well that we often don't even need discussion, we just both dive in and things get done.

In short, women, like men, are individuals, and should be dealt with as such. No two are going to want exactly the same thing.

(Incidentally, if cooking is traditionally womens work, why are most famous chefs men?)

Answer 10

I don't think that a successful marrage would be based on weather or not you live by traditional gender roles. I think its based on what your beliefs are. Each person has different views on this. I personally think that woman and men should be working because its not fair for anyone to have to sit at home all day and watch your kids and clean your house. And a man shouldn't have to work 12 hours a day to support his family. i think everything should be split equally.