The ex from Hell....?

Question

My husbands ex wife is making things very difficult. I do my best to not let her get to me, but I am only human after all. You can only watch the man you love be hurt so many times before losing your cool. She cheated on my husband while they were still married (with his best friend) - they divorced, she became pregnant with the best friends baby, she and the new man got married. My husband and his ex share 2 children from their marriage but she makes his life a living hell. Just recently my husband has had to press charges of harassment against her husband (his former best friend) and the hearing is next week. She offered us money to drop the charges and I know that when he doesn't give in to her demands she'll hold the kids from him and we're scheduled to get them in a week. We've gone to court, she's had her wrist slapped once or twice but all in all she gets away with it every time. I guess I just needed to vent and get some feedback from faceless strangers. :) Thanks!

Tastybabycakes - I've made the offer to her several times to talk with her, get to know her. I told her that I'm willing to get to know her for the sake of the kids and she responded with "If you email me one more time, I'll get a restraining order against you". I can't force myself into her life - and at this point, it's better for everyone if I stay out of it. She is the mother of his children - and I need to respect that (if nothing else)

And for the record - I have only ever had 2 conversations with her. I know it's not my place to get involved when she's told me to stay out (I have 2 children of my own with my ex husband). I don't over step my bounds, I never even speak with her, but that doesn't make it easier to watch her hurt my husband.

Answer 1

As sad as it is, you can't back down. Just keep pushing forward. Eventually she will get more than a slap on the wrist for keeping the kids from their father. It may not come from the legal system, but from the very kids she is toying with. As they get older they will see how their mother is, and they may very well choose to live with their father. I know it's no comfort now, but in the long run, we all reap what we sow.

Answer 2

I agree not to back down, and I suggest your husband should be making more of the front. It's not really your responsibility.

If she withholds the children when it's his parenting time, a civil assist could be initiated to aide in the exchange.

I suggest the judge know that she offered money to drop the harassment charges.

Continue filling motions with the Court it's the best documentation of her activities.

Also take note to previous postings. Avoid giving the other parties an audience! Not all statements deserve a response. No response often is the best response. Unless the situation deals with the children then no communication may be required (kids illness, school issues, or parenting schedule that's it).

Good luck!

Answer 3

Unfortunately you really have to take the high road....they are only doing these things because they want to get a rise from you...drama and danger is what fueled their affair in the beginning, it was the danger of being found out that was sexy and dangerous. Now they are together and the danger is gone and it is like any other relationship...to keep the drama they have kept your husband and you involved in their shite. Once you both move on and start ignoring everything they will realize they have no more power over you. If your husbands children are both older, in their preteens or so he can totally choose to only hear from them and cut off from the ex wife.....or start screening her calls, kids sick, pick up phone, her verbal diareha dont answer. Trust me do not give her an audience and dont give her amunision. Kids are smart they know what their mom and step dad are doing.

Answer 4

Been there done that. Whenever she gets stupid, call the cops and file a police report. If she wants to keep him from his kids, no judge will allow that, call the cops and file a police report. If they are just doing their own thing as far as visitation goes, petition the court for visitation and get it on record. If she does it again guess what? Call the cops! Pretty soon she will have so much evidence against her, that slap on the wrist will become a slap in the face!

Answer 5

She sounds awful. Are you trying to get full custody of the kids or are you happy having them part of the time?

Also, though, the best friend seems like a creep himself, to go behind his best friend's back and cheat with his wife. He's to blame as well.

If there weren't children involved I'd say break all ties, but it's not that simple now is it.

I suppose you could consider the money, an out of court settlement could pay for the kid's college.

Answer 6

Keep a log of every phone call, conversation and encounters. Tell the judge she offered money to drop the charges. She can't keep the kids if there is a visitation order in place. If there isn't an order, you need to get one! The way to get back at her is to ignore her. Trust me. She is looking for a reaction. When she doesn't get a reaction, she will get angry. Let her dig herself a hole and you need to keep your cool. Especially for the kids sake. Keep everything documented and keep all your messages. Get them entered as evidence before you go to court, or you won't be able t use it. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I have learned this hard lesson when it comes to people. They lie about things or they tend to leave their dirty laundry in the dyer when it comes to situations. All I want to start off saying is that you dont know exactly what went on during their relationship span, so dont be so quick to judge her. Now that I've said that, sounds to me that there is something that is unresolved going on. Why is she still so upset? Maybe you guys should all sit down like adults and talk this one out. You dont want tensions to run too much higher and it ends with someone getting hurt. If you cant all sit down, try setting up a chat room where all of you guys can go and chat. Write letters or whatever, but do what you have to do in order to make peace. Imagine how the children feel, they are the most important.


ADDITIONAL TO YOU SWEETIE: If that is the case then why are you getting so defensive? Obviously there is something you aren't telling.

Answer 8

Been there...many times. Your husband needs to go to court showing her inconsistent ability to stick to their parenting plan. He needs to:
Set up a strict custody agreement only to be changed through the courts with dates and times of pick up and drop off.
Submit to the courts that any and all communication regarding the kids will be in writing during the pick up and drop off times, unless an emergency has occurred.
If needed, supervised pick ups and drop offs may be arranged.
The kids start figuring this stuff out, they need consistency, and so do you.
Try to keep yourself removed and remember she is trying to hurt you both, dont let her.
If she goes directly after you, get a restraining order.
the situation sucks, and Im sorry, but he needs to step up to the plate and put his foot down. I do know how hard it is, and exactly what you are going through, but my question is: Would you rather him fight with her through the courts for 4-6 months, or have him play her game for 18 years?

Answer 9

Wow, I'll bet you are glad you didn't get together with your nasty ex. What a creep. Try to feel a little sorry for his wife - after all, she is stuck with the guy! And no doubt her hostility toward you is about feeling betrayed by him. Chances are that you are not the only woman he is courting who is not his wife. BUT her behaviour toward you is outrageously inappropriate. Let her know that if the messages and calls don't stop, you will call the cops. And call the cops if they don't.

Answer 10

Not 100% but close enough to give some real advice. Do a yahoo search about pathological lying and behavioral disorders. It will knock your socks off at the similarities of the behavior. The best part is it will give you ideas and things you can do to protect your husband. Read it with him and show him that the things she does leaves him fighting with the wind with no effect on protecting himself and leaves him exhausted. It sounds wierd but sociopaths depend on that to capture and torment their victims. It might not be the full answer to your delima but it is a step in the right direction.