What should I do when my husband won't stop calling his mom for advice on everything?

Question

I am 22 and newly married. Everytime I am trying to figure something out in the kitchen, my husband wants me to call his mom and ask for advice. Sometimes he calls her behind my back when I say I will just look something up online. Am I wrong for being irritated about this? I don't want his parents thinking I am incapable of handling things.

Answer 1

make fun of his baby butt

Answer 2

Well, I think this is interesting because my husband has been calling his mother for almost everything and we have been married for 37 years. Sooooo I wish you a lot of luck. No you are not wrong for being irritated about being treated like a kid. You need to learn things on your own. So what if you goof it up the first time, you are 22 and you will have plenty of times to get it right. Best of luck to you both. Hang in there.

Answer 3

Oh, just call his mom a couple of times and ask her advice. She will not think you are incapable. On the contrary, she will like to be able to help you and mentor you a little bit :) It will make her feel inportnant. Use this opportunity to build good relationships with your mother-in-law. Seriously. Don't let her overdo it and be in control of serious matters, of course, but kitchen advice will do no harm. Besides, she may say something really useful.

Answer 4

You can look at this one of two ways: you're both young, and he's never been out on his own. He's looking for help, but he should be looking with you, not for you, and not asking his mom for every little thing. Probably irritates Dad as much as it irritates you.

The other way to look at it, that other answers have picked up on, is that his mom is actually running the show. Probably also irritating to Dad...

The easy solution is this: you're going to have to talk to him. You shouldn't have to spend your time with him feeling irritated. Don't be angry about it. Be honest. You're a new wife; of course you're going to have questions. But you're right; you don't want to look like a dope in front of your in-laws. At the same time, he's a new husband; understand that he might be feeling jittery about being a head of a new household and taking on loads of new responsibility. Work together to figure out a better way of answering the questions you'll have in this new life.

Good luck--

Answer 5

So your new husband is a little immature. . . . . . . .

He hasn’t been able to cut the apron strings yet, give him some time. In the mean time, let him know in a nice, loving and calm way that this constant calling for advise is hurting your feelings because of the reasons you explained in your question and you don’t want to be viewed as incapable in his parents eyes.

Have him view some of the “Everybody Loves Raymond” episodes to see what you mean.

Ask him how he’d feel if every time there was a “man chore” to be done you called YOUR father for advise.

Answer 6

Everyone would feel the same way as you do. Just try to figure out your kitchen problems on your own. Cause if he's involved he ll call his mother. And his mother one day won't be here so just put up with the situation. He can't help the way he feels about MoM.

Answer 7

No you are not wrong for feeling this way. Ask your husband to allow you to figure things out on your own. I am sure you know that success in any relationship is based highly upon communication. Talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel about what he does. Or just start taking care of things when he is not around.

Answer 8

Be honest, say what you feel. Tell him when the time is right (the TV is off, you are quiet and alone.) He needs to recognize that he took an oath to work together and vowed to support eachother, no matter what. He needs to grow up and have more respect and faith for you and your opinions. He obviously, didn't marry you thinking that you were incompetent. Take over something that stresses him out, to show that he can rely on you, as much or more than his mom.

Answer 9

You have a good argument. Tell your husband that you guys are married now. Which basically means as husband and wife, you look to each other for most everything. He is a "man" now with a wife......as such, he can't go running to mommy for everything.

Continue to express to him the importance of wanting to be independant from parents being involved constantly in "advising" in your marriage.

Answer 10

Tell your husband you understand and appreciate his relationship with his mom. But you'd like him to understand and appreciate your relationship with him. Tell him that you are trying to be the best wife you can, and you find it hard to do living in his mothers shadow. Tell him you enjoy trying to work things out on your own, that's what makes a wife a good wife, you can even go so far as to tell him you feel like it's cheating all the time, needing to go to his mom.

Obviously, he is close to he mom, so don't bad mouth her or it will just be a battle.

Answer 11

Remember why you love your husband, because your in the stage now of really getting to know him as a husband. I have had to come to accept the fact that my higher than average wage spouse is going be a fiancial dunce for our entire 26yr marriage. Its a problem area, I've told myself. I am so in love even now, but grind my teeth to this day (privately) and work on the situation cheerfully to coax the retard in a different direction without hurting his tender stubbord feelings. Thats what love is-------a small thing in light of the sheer paradise other wise. All of us deal with it. Yours seems so slight, so smile.