What do you think of in-laws like these?

Question

I am expecting a baby in a few months and so is my sister-in-law and one of their neices.Well, my family & I are low income, but I have been placing things back in layaway and paying on them, for our baby. I asked my in-laws for a changing table for our little one. A new one mind you, because a lot of the ones at yardsales have been no good. They are only $ 60.00! These people have a $400,000.00 house a $350,000.00 motor coach and drive 3 expensive cars..and they cannot afford a new changing table? They got the other 2 ladies NEW items! I do not think that I am being unreasonable, it is not like I asked them for some outragiously priced item! I mean heck, I bought a stroller and other things and on my meak salary of $80.00 every 2 weeks and paid on them till they were paid off! She wants to take me to yard sales and buy a beat up, mouse poop covered changing table for my baby. AND I Refuse! I do not want my baby on something that gross! Now, am I unreasonable?

Excuse me folks, I know that it is our responsiblity to raise our baby!
Why in the hell do you think I have been paying for things?
But when I was asked "What do you still need for the baby?"
I simply said, "A changing table, diapers, a bath set, ect."
She comes back and says "well, we can go & buy you one at a yard sale."
But the other 2 she spent $400.00 on, getting them a new stroller and car seat & a crap load of NEW clothes!
Does my little one not deserve at least one thing new? I mean I have a 10 year old crib, that I hear that ...I bought! and OLD bedroom furniture that I bought!
So, am I still being a pregnant B* * * H?

Answer 1

I don't think you're unreasonable but sounds like you don't have much of a choice in the matter....Be the bigger person and let it be....I know your hurt by this but remember, you can't change others or control their actions but you can control yourself....Don't worry about it....they obviously have some real issues with you....Do you know what they might be? Do you know if they have any issues with you? Maybe you should calmly sit your mother in law down and talk to her, find out what's going on....I had to do that with mine....I didn't yell at her but I did say what was on my mind....now I know what her problem is with me...color...although that is something she'll have to take up with God because I certainly can't change that, nor would I If I could...we now agree to disagree so that we can keep peace, even if it's only makebelieve on her part it's better than constent tention, in the family and be civil to one another...sometimes you have to let them be .....I guarantee that if you are the bigger person in all the situations she puts you through that eventually she'll end up respecting you, as my MIL does me....
Your baby does deserve the best...that doesn't mean the best things...that means the best parents who will love and nurture him/her...after all isn't that more important than the best clothes, furniture, stroller,changing table, etc...I think so...My kids had hand me down or yard sale items all of their lives and they don't care....they understand that we don't have the money to get them the best of everything....they see the kids in the world today in homes that are less than desireable for anyone to live in , with abuse, neglect, etc, and they are thankful that they have parents who love them more than life itself....that's what's important....Children don't need things...They need LOVE.... If you ever need to vent or talk, email me...I'd be glad to listen...You're in my prayers....

Answer 2

No you are not being unreasonable but there is no polite way to dispute a gift.
If you see no other way for you to buy what it is you want then you should just go with out one.. plenty of great parents have, or except the one she is willing to buy you and buy the necessary things to clean and fix it up. You never know - it could end up being antique and worth something later.
If you still refuse then maybe ask for something else that you may need such as a bunch of diapers. Then instead of having to buy those basic necessities later you can take the money you would have spent on them for the changing table.
Try going to the place that you found the baby changing table and put several things on a baby registry then it would give them a bit of an option as to what to get you and they just might see the baby changing table you want on it. It's a bit more subtle and polite than just demanding.
Try changing your approach on it - is all.
Also because they have money doesn't mean they have to spend it. Many people out there buy more expensive things when it come to necessity because they usually outlive cheaper things. But they save on accessories and things that are frivolous or not necessarily needed. Are they old fashioned?

Answer 3

No, I don't think you are unreasonable, but you do have to remember you are pregnant, therefore it is yours and yours husbands responsibility to raise and support your child. What would you do if your in-laws didn't have money? I am not trying to defend them, I think they are jackasses, but you shouldn't let them get you down, be proud that unlike the other pregnant family members, you purchased your child's stuff on your own. Are you having a baby shower? If so maybe some of your family and friends can all combine 10-20 dollars apiece to purchase the changing table for you. You can also check consignment shops, they have nearly new items at affordable prices.

Good Luck to you and your baby.

Answer 4

I have just been in the same position - as the Grandmother. I'm much poorer now! In a nice world all should be equal and I sympathise with your position. Your struggle will make you stronger - good for you - I wish I could give you a real cuddle. I admire you.

I have a friend who treats her grandchildren differently and I just cannot understand it. Those that "have" get the more expensive gifts and those that "have not" get cheap stuff - they notice it and it hurts. It is very wrong. Unfortunately, you can do nothing.

You are the better person!

Answer 5

OMG!!! I know exactly how you feel. My mom in law managed to buy nothing new she just asked others if they had anything for a baby. Me and my husband are in the same situation..Then when his sister gets pregnant she got all new everything...it made me so mad. i don't want my daughter feeling less than. anyway here is the kicker my sis in law is a Physical Therapist..she could afford to buy all this crap on her own..What i did was write a letter to her and put all my feelings into words make sure you tell her exactly how you feel and you shouldn't play favorites with your grandchildren. You are trying you have bought everything you can afford. I don't blame you a bit for how you feel, i have been there and trust me you just need to let her know and talk to your husband too so he can stand behind you if you decide to write this letter. I wrote a letter myself and it worked because my husband was behind me. Don't make the letter an attack of her character just put down the facts and maybe she will finally see what she is doing is hurtful and unfair..

BTW my in laws are rich also...i hope this helps, just remember i have been in the same situation you are in now..you are in my prayers.

Answer 6

what is the baby's father saying or doing? also i think you are exaggerating. any one who has a 400 thou house and a 350 thou motor coach(which too high of an estimate by the way) would not....I REPEAT ..would not put their grandchild in a mouse poop covered changing table. you actually sound too immature to be having a baby. in any case..i was taught to accept things graciously..and greater things will come. maybe the other girls are more grateful then you. or already had smaller gifts and accepted with grace..and now they are getting better things. bear in mind that even though these people asked what you still need.. they are not obligated. check yourself.

Answer 7

Unreasonable? No. Hormonal? Yes!!!

There's really not much you can do. These in-laws are in no way obligated to get you anything. It's your baby, and you chose to bring a baby into this world on your meek salary (your words, not mine).

Why don't you put the changing table on layaway too? That way, you wont' have to depend on your in-laws for anything.

Answer 8

I have a brother who made a "killin" off the stock market a few years back. Has a job that pays real good. He is so tight fisted, and selfish, it's a shame. He has a riding lawn mower he wants to get rid of [in good condition; he's moving]. My other brother suggested he give it to me as I don't have anything at all to cut grass. But he's got other plans, I guess.
I hope you get a nice changing table, but don't expect your in-laws to come thru for you. You'll only be disappointed. For whatever reason, they don't want intimacy with you and their son, so you might as well get used to the idea, that they are not gonna "be there for you" ever. Their loss, of course.

Answer 9

Sounds like your in-laws don't care for their own son or for you. Of course they are under no obligation to assist you & your husband, but family normally tends to reach out to those in need. Unless there more to the story, I would say that your in-laws are full of it & you are not at all being unreasonable. I also think your husband, "their son", would step up & make it known that you are bothered by this, therefore he is bothered by this, since you & your husband are essentially one.

Answer 10

Well, you're pregnant, so of course you're unreasonable. ;)

Seriously, though, your in-laws are taking their grandparent time into their own hands if they think they'll get away with buying Grandbaby a ratty old changing table. I'm surprised your husband hasn't said anything to them. It's not like you're asking them to pay for your baby's college...

Sounds petty to me.