I have two baby boys 20 months and 3 years and half. Their father and i have been separated for almost 2 years now. He was verbally and physically abusive to me. I sent the boys to his mother's house for a few days, and without asking for my permission or letting me know he took the boys to his livein girlfriend house for the week end. I reluctantly accept the two of them going out with them, because she is part of his life, and he's the father. but i don't feel comfortable letting them sleep at their house. He did drugs, and from i've been told, she into that. She is 20 years older than him and support him. And he doesn't support his children.
I asked him to please take the boys back to his mother's house for the night, because i do not feel comfortable because they are so young. He said i am manipulative, to go to hell and hung up the phone on me, do you think i am overeacting and manipulating. What should i do. I'm upset, nervous at the same time and worried for my babies.
Help
2007-07-06 09:22:05 · 19 answers · asked by . 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are just separated, then you are not divorced. He is not only an abusive husband, but he is committing adultery.
I really do not fully understand your circumstance but I agree that your children could really be in danger. If you ARE divorced and you have full custody, you can either try to go get your children yourself or you can have the police go with you; because in that situation he has technically kidnapped them. If you are not divorced and have no legal separation agreement stating who has custody, you really are in a bind. I would still try to do what I could to get them back. Maybe, even call your mother-in-law and try to get her help.
Either way, if you haven't already, get some legal advice and get the divorce/custody/child support situation resolved and in writing. Then you have a much better leg to stand on.
ALSO, very important....start keeping a journal of EVERY THING he says and does to you and the children. It really will help you in a custody situation. Write down the date and time, who was involved and heard it, and write specific details. The judge will really take this into consideration.
Don't let anyone tell you you're a bad mother. I believe you are doing what you can in your situation. Bless you.
2007-07-06 09:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are drugs or abusive behavior involved I don't think you are overreacting at all. If his mother won't keep them at her house (where I assume you feel they are safe) then I'd say supervised visits only and no over nights anywhere. It sounds like you should be visiting the family court if for nothing else then to establish your control and to mandate child support. I had to pay my ex-husbands child support when we were living together and he was unemployed. I commend your openness to include another woman figure but if she is unsafe, on drugs or anything else then I'd say no. Good luck
2007-07-06 09:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by coolmommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
#1- Do what you can to get FULL custody of those boys.
#2- A mother knows best. If your having strange feelings about them sleeping there, then they shouldn't be sleeping there. That's why I think you should get full custody of them.
The fact that he's being verbally abusive on the phone to you should make light the fire under your......to get you moving.!
You have to do what's best for your children.
2007-07-06 09:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Alicia F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call the police. If you have full custody of them and he took them without your permission, he can go and should go to jail. It's kidnapping. I would definently NOT them spend the night with him. He sounds like bad news to me.
You are NOT over-reacting. You are being a good mother. He needs to learn how to be a good father.
2007-07-06 09:35:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in the right- no doubt if he has to ask your permission then he should. (i mean if its court ordered) It sounds like you have full custody - dont let him do that, if he wants that ability let him take you to court (and pay for it all). With a colorful past like that you have a right to feel uncomfortable about it and you have the right to go get them if you want to!
Oh and that answer up there about you being immature dont bother with it! It is a hard situation and you didnt let him have them his mom did!
2007-07-06 09:29:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i does not say you're overreacting in view which you're looking out for the excellent pastime of the toddlers. What you ought to look at is you have been separated for 2 years and have executed no longer something legally to maintain your drugged up, abusive ex from being around the toddlers. in case you choose greater administration of what is going on and to make certain that your toddlers are going to be nice, you ought to pass to court docket and finished the mandatory place of work work for custody and help. in case you do no longer, you somewhat can no longer do something to maintain him from seeing his toddlers. i'm confident you do no longer choose to thoroughly take the toddlers faraway from him yet a minimum of you may set it up for supervised visits. It sounds adverse yet this is what could be superb till the ex can prepare to you and to the court docket that he's flying immediately. additionally, submitting court docket papers does not must be high priced and you do no longer choose a lawyer. maximum courthouses grant self-provider centers the place you may get the documents you choose for unfastened. the only ingredient you pay for is the submitting and the technique server. as quickly as you get issues going and your ex sees which you're on ideas-blowing of your pastime, he will start to act proper. purely be waiting, reason it does get tougher till each little thing is settled. good success!!!
2016-10-01 01:05:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are doing drugs, he was abusive, doesn't pay child support, and you have full custody call the police, or go get them yourself, if he won't hand them over then call the police, they are too young to be around that crap!!
2007-07-06 10:00:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers intuition.
Listen to yourself.
You know this man and he probably hasn't changed much. If you were smart enough to get out of the abuse with your children then you are smart enough not to put them in that situation WITHOUT your protective eye there.
Listen to your intuition, it's there for a reason.
2007-07-06 09:29:13 · answer #8 · answered by mrs j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Do not put your children at risk. If the grandmother is not more responsible, then do not let her have them either. No matter what tyhey want, the lives and safety of those children are at risk. If he wants to see them, he can set it up with the courts for supervised visits.
If you allow them to guilt you into something, and harm comes to the children......who will you blame....them....or yourself?
Trust your maternal instinct.
2007-07-06 09:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by paradox 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is not a responsible father , uses drugs and does not support them .then no tell him that you will not let him keep the kids over night unless he makes some changes in his life and can prove that he is not using drugs
2007-07-06 09:48:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋