I have been married to my husband for 3 1/2 years. For the past year things just keep getting worse. I dread going home. He is so annoying and just plain stupid. We don't agree on anything. He is such a negetive, self-centered person. I had feel down and severly injured my knee. He begged me to make love to him and when I refused because I was in so much pain he got so angry and starting yelling and screaming. Just looking at him makes me want to throw-up. He's not a bad looking person he just totally disappoints me. My friends all tell me to stay with him because he provides for me and our son, but I want more in life thatn just someone to provide. I want someone that I love and feel connected to. What do I do? Can I make my marriage work?
2007-07-06 08:31:26 · 22 answers · asked by ???EM???? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
counseling!!
2007-07-06 08:43:10 · answer #1 · answered by Amy L 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey,I'll be honest with you. Life is too short for you to go through it in misery. I know you love your son and all u want is what's best for him but I'm sure you can do a great job of taking care and providing for him with or without a man in ur life. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that marriage is not something to be taken lightly and you share this bond always through ur son and that will always be there regardless. From the sound of things, this has been going for quite a while and i think it's about time u did something about it, talk to someone possibly a professional so u know which way to go. I would advise u not to rely so much on what ur friends tell u coz they r not married to him and don't have to share a bed, bathroom and everything else. All I can say is don't bottle up ur feelings coz the more u do so u'll only end up brewing so much anger which will take it's toll on u and that little boy who's the light of ur life. Take some action. Put ur life in order, emotionally,finacially etc coz it's gonna be tough ride. Have faith in whatever u decide and go for it. U r strong(i think) and u can get through this. All the best. If it is to be it's up to u.
2007-07-06 08:55:27 · answer #2 · answered by Zhazha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if I was your husband and you really have severly injred your knee I would make sure take care of you first and son before sex thing.. I mean you are right about him he is an annoying husband...
Also your friends don't know about your huband very well and why they tell you stay with him if he provides for you and your son then he can provieds child support and you... so what the different.. I totally understand and If he been like that for last 3 years 1/2 then it not worth it... to contiune...
My wife and I been married for 10 years and last 2 or 3 years it was bad enough to have it ended.. but I have to fixed it becasue she told me how she felt and what she want in the marriage and So I want her and love her more than anything so I changed so much for my wife.. now will be 10 years in Oct 31st, 2007 and we have daughter 4 years old and son 3 years old and daughter soon 3 months in july 9th... we have up and downs but we totally understand eachother alot.
You know for that guy he has the alot of chance to fixed this for last 3 and 1/2 years but now he still doing that same thing over and over and over... worthless person...to be with and un happy life.
so i think that you should leave him and find some place else and you will find a guy like me who really does for his wife if that person truly loves her alot smiling...
2007-07-06 08:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure maybe try a counselor but to me it sounds like you fell out of love with him! If he is so angry just because you werent able to have sex with him it might become an issue. It may be better to leave him for both of you and mainly for your son. The old stay together for the kids actually seems to hurt more then help! my husband and i had a whirlwind romance quick in and quick to get married and have a baby - all in less then a year. I was starting to get disgusted and tired of him while i was pregnant but now as he became a father and i- less hormonal!- i am falling in love with him all over again- tenfold! See if you can remember why you fell in love with him. If you cant or he no longer is that person it may be time to say goodbye as husband and wife. Its hard but it may be better in the end! And heck you can always remarry if the spark ignites later on down the road!
2007-07-06 08:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can only make it work if you want to. First, you need to communicate your feelings with him. He could be totally unaware of what he's doing and how you are feeling. The thought that you may leave him, if he loves you, could be enough to get him to work on himself. But keep in mind, you have to work on you also. I seriously doubt he's as annoying as you say he is, it's just there is something that is truly bothering you, and as it has gone on and not been settled, now you are simply fault finding. Right now, I would be willing to bet there is nothing he could do or say that wouldn't push your buttons in the wrong way, becuase that is really the way you want to feel about him - and you have to discover why. There is always therapy, so that is an option. But I have personally found, when I get this way, that I have to force myself to focus on the good and positive side. I have a terrific husband, that from time to time, simply get's on my nervous and drives me nuts, but that is because I spend more time dwelling on those things than on his good qualities. Odds are, there are things that you do, that send your husband up a wall also - that is part of human nature, and part of bringing two people together - it just happens. If you really want your marriage to work, I strongly suggest that you take the initative and find a "common" ground where you can have open communication and also find something where you can relax together. Think about why you fell in love and married him in the first place. All those things are still there, it's just after a period of time, all the negative things seep in and choak the positive things out.
2007-07-06 08:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by buggsnme2 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest talking to him, but you need to clear your heart of the hurt and anger that you're feeling. You two made a promise to each other, and it sounds as though neither of you are living up to it. I think anyone who has been married for more than a couple of years would understand having problems - it's just inevitable. But you have to talk to each other. Perhaps he's feeling unloved and undesired, but is unable to communicate that to you. If you can make the environment safe for him, maybe he will be able to open up to you. Then let him know what you need from him and see if you can work it out. If not, consider counseling. The most important thing is to remember that you made a promise, and no one said it would be easy to keep it. Good luck to you!!
2007-07-06 08:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never EVER stay in a marriage for the sake of your kids! It makes it worse!
Your kids will benefit more from seeing you happy & loved & loving your partner than they will from continual arguements etc.
It used to be terrible for kids with parents who were divorced, but NOW its the norm (sadly!)
You have a right to be happy regardless of those who may appear to be shocked or hurt! You may be suprised & find that they are telling you to stay because they believe thats what u really want! Be selfish! This is your life we are talking about!
2007-07-06 08:37:30 · answer #7 · answered by Carol x 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He just annoys you? Dang. That's pretty low to damand sex from your injured wife. He provides financially for you? Good. Now you have to decide if your self-esteem is worth the price you have to pay for it. Are you going to be a wife and a mother or a ho? Because if you are completely compromising your morals because he makes good money, that's where this is leading.
2007-07-06 08:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by Blade_III 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can based on what you have just passionately said out. He should be more sensitive to your injury. I think between you and him need more communication. What you have just written here, you should say it to him in a softer tone when only you and him in a private place. Tell him that this is how you feel about him, and may not be true, and ask for his feed back, also tell her about your feeling. hope this help.
2007-07-06 08:39:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was it about him that you fell in love with in the first place? Maybe start from there. Do you want to get that loving feeling back? Teach him how to behave, and tell him how you feel, chances are he will try to change to keep the marriage intact.
2007-07-06 08:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by April First 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, if he is not willing to change, then you need to go. If you don't want to go home at night, then it's time to talk divorce. This alone might get him to change, but I wouldn't count on it. No compassion in your marriage sucks. Time to find a better place for you and your son.
2007-07-06 08:43:13 · answer #11 · answered by harold 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋