I was with my ex for about 3 years and since he wanted to drink and come home late and tell me he dont love me anymore I left him. we have 2 daughters together. we have been separated for about 1 year now and of course I have found someone that is everything that my ex was not he is perfect, he loves my daughters and me, but I dont love him as much as i love my babies father i tried to have a feeling like that for my man but it is just not there. Well my ex calls me everyonce in a while to see how the kids are, he is a good man he sends me money for the babies. But he has been telling me he wants a family again and as much as I love him I would love to do so but im not quite sure if its going to be the same as it was before or better, he tells me he loves me and he cries all the time he says he has changed and he misses me. What do I do? and if i go back with my ex how do i tell the other guy i have been seeing for a while now that I dont love him without hurting his feelings?
2007-07-06 07:40:54 · 19 answers · asked by brighteyes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You already know what you should do and it's exciting to hear of a family getting back together. As for the other guy, your kids are your priority and being with their real dad is a major reason why you are doing this. There's no easy way of letting him down, just be honest and respectful to him. As for your babies father and starting over. Take it slow and make him work to get your love back. Let him know he is on probation and you will watch him and his actions. Make sure this is an exciting time for you and your family. Finding a good church with support groups would also be something to think about. Good luck
2007-07-06 08:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by Phil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to back off from both situations and take time to decide what is truly best for you and your daughters. This doesn't have to be an 'either/or' situation - guy #1 or guy #2. There could be a guy #3 or even #20 that you haven't met yet who will be all of the things you need and want. If your ex really has changed his ways and wants to have a family life with you again, he should be willing to do it on your terms.
If that is what you decide, you will have to deal with hurting the new guy's feelings. There is no way around it. Hopefully he will understand if you want to try to work it out with your children's father.
Good luck!
2007-07-06 07:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is a tuff decision. and what happened that night he said that he didn't love you anymore....that was the beer talking, he most likely regrets saying that to you and does really want you back. If you think he has change, then he must drop the beer to be with you and your children. sounds like to me he was a real big alcoholic when you were with him and acted different when drunk. I'd say you should go back to your ex, you know that he didn't mean what he said that night and since you still live that man, then I think it will work out just fine between you two. As for the other guy you were seeing, if you don't love him, then tell him. He'll understand, just don't turn it into an argument. GOOD LUCK
2007-07-06 07:52:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh your situation is where I'm scared to end up. I recently just split with my ex again, we have 3 children and I have found a wonderful guy who treats me great and loves the kids. My ex also has a drinking problem and would come home exactly like your ex did and say the same things to me, that he doesn't luv or want me anymore and that if I didn't like his drinking I could easily leave. I care about this new guy alot but I still am in luv with my ex for whatever stupid reason. Things weren't good between my ex and I and this other guy does everything to make me happy but I have a feeling I'll be like you and not be able to luv him like my kid's dad. I've also thought about what I will do if my ex comes back like yours did (a changed man) if I would be able to resist going back to my ex because I luv him so much. I would be in the same boat as you, not knowing what to do. Honestly though, the new guys in are lives don't deserve to be the underdogs and be treated secretly like they'll never measure up to our exs especially being the great guys that they are. I guess if you really want to you can go back to your ex and just cross your fingers and pray that things don't go back to being as they were before and you loseing a great guy. Think about things and way out the pros and the cons of it all. We already gave our exs the chance to make things right and they failed so I guess the right thing to do would be to give the new guys a chance and to give back to them what they have given to us and our kids. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you.... let me know!!
2007-07-06 07:57:27 · answer #4 · answered by justbeingme_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your ex has not gotten professional help for his drinking problem then he will be the same person he was before you broke up. My suggestion to you would be break up with your current boyfriend do not go back with you ex or anyone else until you learn how to be you with your children. You need to learn how to be self respectful and self sufficient. Remember if you don't love you and have respect for you no one else will. The new boyfriend might be a great guy but if you don't have strong enough feelings for him then you are just using him and that is not right. When your ex calls and asks about the children keep the subject to just the children, when he starts talking about having a family tell him, matter-of-factly, that you have to get your life straight before you can talk about a family and he has to love you enough and want things to be right enough to get professional help for any issues he has. Hang in there and get right with your self and your children then think about having a partner.
2007-07-06 07:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd do my homework if I was you. If he is still staying out drinking late and coming home drunk, even though he isn't with you, then he really hasn't changed, has he? You need to find out if he has really changed, or if he is just saying that because he wants you back. Spy on the guy if you need to. You really need the truth here.
But, there is another way to find out the truth. Just see him for dinner or coffee once in awhile, just talking to him should show you how much he has grown up. You could bring up what he does with his spare time and ask the right questions to find out if he still is a bar guy. But do it subtlely, you don't want to clue him that you are looking for that information specifically, especially since he is crying that he wants you back, which probably means that he would lie to get you back.
You are single. Therefore, it would not be wrong for you to see your ex sometimes and also see the other guy while you sort this out. But if this new guy has brought up only seeing eachother, then you will need to break up with him to do anything with your ex except the coffee.
As for the feelings for the new guy...feelings grow over time. You have more memories with your ex.
If he has really changed, it would be sweet to see a family get back together again. But don't put on rose colored glasses...do your homework. Find out the truth.
2007-07-06 07:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry your having to go through this.
1st of all you cant stay with a man you dont love, its unfair to you and your kids and its unfair to the other man.
2nd i dont think its a good idea for you to go back with your ex because he dont know what he realy wants. he has 2 kids with you yet he said he didnt want to be with you and he let you leave. going back to your ex with the possiblity of it not working out and leaving again can only hurt you and your kids again.
I know its hard to make the right choice but you need to look out for you and your kids and your kids should come first in any choices you make.
love is a great thing if too love each other and it takes 2 to make the relationship work.
2007-07-06 07:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Wendy79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should tell this guy your with now that you dont love him cause hes in this relationship with you thinking you love him back and you really dont. if you love your ex and your heart is telling you to give him another chance then go for it. youll never know until you try right? if you didnt love this guy your with for awhile you shouldve told him a long time ago even if your ex wasnt asking to get back cause your wasting the time he could be with someone else and that person give him the love he gives back, but instead hes growing deeper feelings for you. you should be honest with him and tell him, and if your ex is who you want to be with then give him another chance.
2007-07-06 07:54:27 · answer #8 · answered by luvleebabygurl22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact that there are children involved makes this very sticky. However if you want to consider even a chance of getting back with him, listen: you really need to sit down and think about this: Does this person make you happy?? does this person make you feel very secure about yourself? Will this be in the best interest for my children? Does either one understand the true meaning of a committed relationship? In the long run, who will be supportive and there for you?
2007-07-06 07:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by mars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back. He's an ex for a reason. You may never love anyone as much as you loved him, but that's life. Move on and try to make a better place for you and your daughters.
2007-07-06 07:52:52 · answer #10 · answered by harold 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋