Death of my best friend?

Question

i recently lost my best friend to terminal cancer. He was 17 and we had known each other since the day we were born. Now he has gone only his true feelings about me have came to light. He wanted me for more than a friend, he wanted us to be together forever and have kids etc, yet he never told me any of this. i dont know why. i just wanted him as a friend because i have problems. he died last year and i have began to feel that i love him but i am so upset and guilty and stupid because of all his bottling up his feelings inside, as he died he said i love you but was trying to fight it he said hed be there for me no matter what and at his funeral he requested the song kissing you be played over a presentation of our pictures together so now i feel terrible and his family and mine hate me what can i do? either live or die because i am serverly depressed as it is.

well my parents have made me leave the home because they say i curse everyone i know i am completely alone in the world and i have tried counselling but no one helps me because i am a stupid weirdo and no one likes to help a freak

if anyone actually cares and wants to help me just please email me because i just really need friends right now or add me on my msn [e-mail] because its so tough

they hate me because im guilty about it and made him do it i miss him and need him to come back so i will probably join him again. but why do you lock your feelings up when you know youre dying?

Answer 1

It isnt your fault that you didnt know.

His family hating you is their problem. There isnt anything you can do now.

How can you ask weither to live or die? He promised he'd always be there for you so hes probably watching over you now and wants you to be happy and live your life.

You need to embrace the fact that he loved you and not feel guilty that you couldnt return it when he was around. Love him now,do things for him even tho he isnt there. Go visit his grave, do the things he love'd to do, make a scrap book, hes with you.

Answer 2

That's a very sad story. I lost my sister to cancer back in 2000 she was only 27. I think your friend never shared his inner most feelings with you because he thought they would drive you away. Often times people have a best friend who they fall in love with and they never say anything because they think that the feelings aren't shared by the other person. It's truly sad that he kept these feelings from you because who knows what you might have shared had he done so.
Please don't feel guilty for choice he made. You need to realize that you were one of the very best things in his short life. You were and are a light of the love that he brought to this world. Appreciate what he felt for you. He loved you and cherished you. And now that he's gone that love is the last thing you will have form him. I beleive he meant that as a real gift. Take it as such.
You are going to feel great sadness in the next few weeks and may be months ahead. That's ok. That is your heart feeling love for him.
Share all your feelings, regrets and hope with your family and his famly. You are all experienceing an extremely painful time in your lives.
Use this experience as a building experience. Remember that loving somebody is the greatest gift you can give them. Even if that love is painful.

My final thought for you is this... Whenever you love someboy tell them. Don't do what you friend did and hold it inside. Share your love. That is the most important lesson you can take from this very sad experience.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Stop. Breath. Breath again. Cry. Live. Love.

Why would the families hate you? That sounds a bit over board.

He's is gone, feeling guilty, sad, or in anyway negative just negates the beauty of your friendship. You can not go back and change things, you can only change now. Let the pain make your heart bigger.

Perhaps you are really mad at yourself for not seeing?

There is nothing WRONG with be sad or depressed. You have to feel after something like that. This was an emotional operation, your best friend was removed, and now you have to heal.

Go volunteer your time. Learn to walk in the light again. Allow this to be a pivotal point that changes your life.

little fox

"The divine in us, realizes itself in wanting to help others, and this is love." R. Collin

Answer 4

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Answer 5

His family and yours shouldn't hate you because he never told you he liked you so it's not your fault. It's sad you lost him to cancer =(. But i think you should move on and try to see some one and talk things through. NEVER try suicide because of depression.

Don't feel bad and I hate to this but it's his own fault for telling you when he died and leaving you with that guilt instead of telling you when he actually felt it so you guys could work it out.
=(

Answer 6

Just know that he would want you to go on with your life and not dwell on his death. He would, if he could, hate himself if you died over him. Take your time, but do not ruin your life because of one missed opportunity. There will be many for you.

Answer 7

im so sorry. you need to get some counseling, cause depression can seriously mess with you're life. his family and yours shouldn't be mad at you, cause you just went through the death of your best friend.

Answer 8

maybe this was meant to happen. don't worry abouyt what other people think. Where ever he is, he probably knows that you feel the same way now...had any dreams about him perhaps? that means he's with you alot

Answer 9

Why would your family and his hate you? The guy loved you, he couldn't help how he felt.
I'm so sorry about your loss.

Answer 10

Get some counseling. Depression is real and needs to be treated. Please! Surf the net for choices.