I'm 17 & I've been having sex with my boyfriend for about 8 months. We lost our virginity togther. The problem is, I don't enjoy it physically. Emotionally, yes, I love it. But he considers one kiss enough foreplay, lol, and I need more to be completely comfortable. I rarely feel pleasure from it & I'm always sore after. I think because we don't get much time to our ourselves, he wants to rush into it, afraid we'll be interrupted. Or he just doesn't like touching. I don't know.
The thing is, I pretend I'm having a great time. And he loves it. I don't want to say anything (because essentially, I've been lying to him). What should I do?
2007-07-06 07:27:09 · 22 answers · asked by Eliz@136 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
well since you lost your virginity to each other and you both are very young, then he definitely is not an expert at sex. you guys are both learning together. he probably doesn't either know how to perform different types of foreplay or he doesn't know to do it. you need to speak up and communicate with him. tell him what you want, and find out what he wants as well. if you can't talk about sex with your partner, then you shouldn't be doing it at all!
2007-07-06 07:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all - stop lying to him. How will he know what he is doing wrong if you don't tell him !! You are both very young and inexperienced and as time goes on you will both learn to be more comfortable with each other. You need to be honest and tell him that you need him to spend time with foreplay. It takes women from 30-45 minutes of foreplay to be ready to make love..........takes men 3-5 minutes !! You will be feeling sore because you will not be "wet" enough for him to enter you - so therefore foreplay is essential for you to be ready for him to enter you. You have to explore each others' bodies and learn what turns each other on. I seriously doubt that he doesn't like touching you.... he is probably too excited himself to spend time on you. You need to take control of the situation and stop him entering you until you feel you are ready. Try reading up on some info..... there are plenty of sites on the web. Good luck.
2007-07-06 09:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by Shirley R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never pretend - it does not get your anywhere in the long run - except very frustrated.
I used to pretend to enjoy it when young because I did not want to hurt my boyfriends feelings but in the end it hurt me as I had many years of not being orgasmic during sex and was permanently frustrated ( and angry about it) - and I so regret all that wasted time now.
Once I stopped pretending and started to tell partners what I needed and tried to work it out with them I began to enjoy sex and never looked back.
Its not you , its just men, especially young inexperienced men do not know how to do it so the woman enjoys it too.
They often do not realise that your clitoris needs much attention if not more than just inserting a penis ( this works for them so they think it will work for you and it mostly does not - not on its own anyway)
But they can not learn on their own and they will learn nothing if you pretend what they do is doing it for you too.its not fair on him in the long run either
Just be brave and tell him - or if he will be too hurt to know it is not good for you and you do not want to hurt him don't tell him that it has been not enjoyable up to now ........................just tell him it is not enjoyable enough and you want to make it better and try to guide him to do what you need
2007-07-06 08:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I recently resolved this problem with my husband.
We had been together for three years, two of those years being sexually active before we got married a year ago, and I would very rarely orgasm, although I loved the act of making love with my husband. All I had to do was just be honest with myself and with him. I told him, "I really enjoy having sex with you, but I'm having difficultly having an orgasm with you lately", and the conversation just went from there. If you love and trust him, you should definitely talk to him, because you deserve to enjoy sex physically too!
2007-07-06 07:42:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you've started it at 17. The sexual act is first done by the brain before the organs so prepare your mind first. Next be open with your friend since this will make you more free to enjoy it.Dont pretend to be enjoying while you actually dont. Lastly, its good to know that ladies reach orgasm much later compared to males.
2007-07-06 08:25:01 · answer #5 · answered by ojoggo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him, i had the same problem with my boyfriend, it was all about him, then one time i thought stuff it and just lay there, didn't do anything. After he asked me if i enjoyed it and i said no, and he asked why. I told him the truth, i simply said i NEED more kissing and touching, try buying sex toys, they are always fun!
2007-07-06 08:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by elle_schweedy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tease him, like kiss him then when he tries to begin sex, just whisper 'Not yet' and pull him close,keep kissing and touch/play with his bits and he should automatically return the favour. If you give what you want to receive, he will pick up the hint and so there will be more foreplay. Good Luck, the more you relax the more you enjoy!
2007-07-06 07:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
young lady, first of all i would like to say, does he like you enough, does he ever comment on your body, on how sexy your body is, etc, and no, a kiss is not the only thing thats considered forepley. you also have to give him confidence in touching the more intimate parts of your body, even show him what you like him to do, and you also have to be able to make him aroused in return, love making is not completely one sided, it takes two. i myself, love plenty of foreplay before having intercourse, starting from her feet and working my way up her body, fondling the breasts, teasing the nipples, then working my way yo her most intimate part, which really gets her aroused as well etc, it also helps to play sexy games in the bedroom as well, to make him feel more comfortable with you, you have to reassure him thats it's ok to touch these parts of your body, he maybe just needs more confidence. i was like this when i first started dating, i wasn't sure what to do either, but i got over it and i enjoy now more than ever, .please be patient with him and show him what you want, unless you do this, he will never know, and you will end up more dissatisfied then ever
2007-07-07 04:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by generallee18642001 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I've had this problem, but it can be sorted. suggest a game with him, write down things you'd like to have done to you and do to him on cards. See which ones you pick out. Or tell him you want to slow things down before you have sex, explore each other, maybe try dressing up. Good luck!
2007-07-06 07:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Demand more and encourage him to wait don't allow him to rush the pace , they say sex is wasted on the young perhaps you both have rushed into too heavy a commitment too soon
2007-07-06 10:09:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋