Brad's ex wife has a key to our home and never knocks on the door. She always walks right in. If the kids are with her or not. If the children are with her, I could understand. She takes showers in our home because all she has is a tub and she hates the tub. She still has clothing hanging in our home because she found a house that does not have much closet space. Everyhting in our garage is half hers. Therefore, I cannot freely go out there and get anything.
Brad does not understand this at all. He says that I am not trusting enough. That we have a peaceful relationship and I should not rock the boat. I try to explain that their is a difference between peace and privacy. I do not want ot cause trouble with his ex. I like the peace. I just do not want her to have free run of our home.
Am I being unrealistic?
2007-07-06 07:16:02 · 21 answers · asked by just me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are right, just change the lock on the door, and she has to knock to come in
2007-07-06 07:20:52 · answer #1 · answered by skcs11 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that'd never happen...on so many levels. Are you married or just a girlfriend? If you're the girlfriend then suck it up, you dont have a place to say anything. Wife, well thats different. If talking to him doesnt help, say it to her. It would be your house too so youd have every right. Im a different kind of person so I'd just change the locks and rent a storage unit with my own money putting her things in there. I realize most people wouldnt do that but Im brazen and will get my way...especially in my own house.
Their marriage is over, the only thing shes entitled to sharing is the children. The three of you have a talk and if an agreement cant be reached to make all parties comfortable then youre going to have to come up with a solution yourself. Leaving may be one of them.
2007-07-06 14:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by mrsNO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell Brad, that you love him, love his kids, but that his "relationship" with his ex is over. If he wants her back take her back and you'll move on. Otherwise you are trying to make a new relationship. He needs to stop letting his ex have run of the house. That is disrespectful to you, your relationship and what the two of you are trying to build.
If he is worried about rocking the boat, tell him it is TOO late. His ex is already rocking it and he needs to not be a wuss and put a stop to this BS.
If he is unwilling to change you may want to rethink this relationship. Also, if you are not married to the guy....
well, you probably should just get your own place.
2007-07-06 14:29:51 · answer #3 · answered by Spiral Wizard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not. Tell your husband that he is married to you or that he is still married to her, but he can't have things both ways. If he doesn't understand your thinking on this issue, then I really feel sorry for you as things are soon to get worse for you.
She needs to get another apartment that suits her, stay out of your private space and to return the keys. Your husband allowed this in part because you allowed him to. Ask him how he would feel about loaning out a spare set of keys and the other half of the garage to your ex?
2007-07-06 14:28:28 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a legitimat complaint. it's nice that he has a peaceful relationship with her and i can understand him letting her store stuff in the garage but, giving her a key to YOUR home is a definate deal breaker.maybe you could talk to her, not him, about the key and showers. surely if she were in your position she'd feel the same as you do unless she's aware of your feelings and doesn't care as long as she gets her way. personally, i think she's taking advantage of this situation and your husband. there is absolutly no reason she should be able to come and go at your home. not even the garage.
2007-07-06 14:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would never allow an ex to control my home, you have every right to not want this. This is not normal ! Is Brad still in love with her, wanting his cake and to eat it to or what? I would talk with him and let him know exactly how I felt! She has no right to be in your home showering, just walking in or using it for storage! She should not have a key!
2007-07-06 14:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by taurus_lynne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he is way out of line. It is your home not hers. You have a right to privacy. Insist on the locks being changed. Sit down and negotiate some hard rules. Allow some access under those rules. She should not have free access, but controlled access. If necessary both of you should see a counselor who can talk about what is reasonable and what is not. This is not a trust issue, but a reasonableness issue. He is being unreasonable.
2007-07-06 14:20:13 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope you are right on. Brad needs to be reminded that it is Brad and _______'s house now and threes a crowd! I have a lot of family and friends that I have a peaceful relationship with and they still respect my privacy and my personal life.
2007-07-06 14:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a small taste of his own medicine. Let him feel uncomfortable for a while. Give your mom, sister or someone in your family a key and invite them to come by any time unannounced and just let themself in. He will become annoyed very quickly I'm sure. Then you explain to him that you feel the same way when his ex wife does these things. He'll take back the key.
2007-07-06 14:44:33 · answer #9 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being unrealistic. BS....if the shoe were on the other foot, your husband wouldnt want your ex just letting himself in the house all the time. That house is now your house too and you deserve more respect than that. tell him either he talks to her, or you talk to her. things can be resolved if you talk to her nicely. She also needs to deal with the tub issue and no more showers in your home...that is just retarded.
2007-07-06 14:22:58 · answer #10 · answered by Christie B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I assume Brad is your husband, and this woman is his ex wife. This is your and his home now, not hers. It's nice that they kept the peace, but they are divorced. Aside from the kids, each should have their own separate lives.
2007-07-06 14:23:56 · answer #11 · answered by ron-D 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋