My fiance and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 kids. Last year I found out that she was cheating, which she denied. We have a lot of history. She has suspected me of messing around when we broke up in '98, but I haven't since, until she went to Florida with the guy in March. I tried to break it off then, go on with my life. She saw that and professed her love and desire to marry me, so I forgave the last year and said ok. We were s'possed to get married last week but she called it off. We had a lot of unresolved issues that needed to be aired (2 abortions we never discussed, distrust, lying, etc.)We had a heart to heart and she told me everything she's done and I did the same. We have 2 kids and she is unemployed, so I support everything. I have a masters and she hasn't completed school, so she feel inadequate. She says she sometimes wants to be with me, sometimes wants to be with him. She still talks to the guy. I really want to get married and move forward, but can I ever
2007-07-06 06:58:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's only over if the two of you want it to be over. Probably 1/2 the people on this site aren't married, haven't been in a relationship and don't have kids, but have all the advice in the world to offer. Please don't be easily influenced by idiots.
I would suggest that you take some time out to sit and think and don't make any decisions that you are going to question later. Don't make decisions that are based on haste and emotion, those are always the wrong decisions.
it doesn't matter what degree she has or doesn't have, what matters is how she makes you feel, how the two of you mesh together. There is a lot of healing that needs to take place here. Your feelings are totally valid and so are hers. Let me reiterate, take some time to think, think of your value, think of her value, how will you life be with and or without her? There are a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself. There is forgiveness, but there is also insecurity. Know what you're doing, what you want to do and do it well!
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Gandhi.
Are you harmonizing?
2007-07-06 07:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by paytaymak 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Really think about this. You've been with this woman for 11 years and have 2 kids together. Most women by this time, is ready to marry the man that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Think about this...cheating, distrust, abortions, inadequacies, are issues that should've been resolved long ago. 11 years with this woman and despite the kids, what do you have to show? She's in love with another man but at times wants to be with you? Sounds as if missy wants her cake and eat it too.
Look, it's up to you and how much you will allow this woman to bring you down. See, once she has hurt you to the point where you are unable to trust anyone again, it will be difficult for you to be in another relationship. With that said, you must do what is best for you and the two children that you have together. Living the way you are living will eventually lead to disaster.
Why would you want to marry someone who continues to hurt you and lie to you? Marriage is not a word it is a comittment for life. Are you willing to continue to ignore the fact that this woman does not love you but needs you for convenience? She isn't working so she needs you to help foot the bill. Yes, she trying to hold on to you for that fact and hold on to the other man for his good lovin'. She's weighing out what is more meaningful and once she decides to leave you because love has outweighed the money you are supplying, what will you do?
2007-07-06 14:15:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one thing that yall shouldnt be doing is getting married. Cause she is definately not ready as she still wants to be with the other guy. If she wants to be married too you then she needs to find herself first and figure out what she truly wants.
You on the other hand can't marry someone who you will be second guessing all the time. Especially when she just told you that she wants you some of the time and him the other set of time. you Y'all need to seperate for now and focus on finding yourselves. 11years is alot of time but its doesnt amount to anything when its filled with distrust. Maybe she is only wanting to stay with you cause of the financial safety. cause she knows that you will help her out and take care of both her and the kids.
I wish you the best
2007-07-06 14:09:41 · answer #3 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion....this relationship is never going to work. First clue, she doesn't really know who she wants to be with. Second, your whole relationship has been filled with lying, cheating, etc. You have no real lasting foundation with which to start off. Third, she is still talking to the guy. Wake up!!!!!!! Go your separate ways and hopefully both of you will find people who will respect you and care for you. You two do not belong together.
2007-07-06 14:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's over, 11 years and you two are still playing house. With all the unresolved problems you have including the trust issue I can't see marriage in you future. Get out now because without trust what do you have.
2007-07-06 14:06:14 · answer #5 · answered by harold 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough position to be in but at least you were honest with one another and told each other everything. You need to make sure she knows that you don't view her as inadequate, let her know you totally respect her and love her and if you want to be with her you need to tell her...it sounds like she has a decision to make...just tell her how you feel.
2007-07-06 14:04:17 · answer #6 · answered by Cupcakes Moosey! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not if she is still communicating with this other guy. It is either you or him. I would just move on without her. It doesn't sound like she can be trusted. She is using her feelings of "inadequacy" so she can continue to have a relationship with you (her supporter) and the other guy. You are allowing her to have the best of both worlds. Why wouldn't she want to screw around on you if you allow it.
2007-07-06 14:04:34 · answer #7 · answered by JoliCart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahahahah....you "really want to get married"??? After 11 years, two kids, abortions, et al???
No wonder she stepped out on you. She got tired of waiting. Real tired too if it took 11 years for you to get around to maybe...maybe getting married.
For a guy with a Masters you don't seem too smart fella.
2007-07-06 14:05:55 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont think yall can work things out.to many things have happened in yalls relationship.and shes not willing to leave the other guy completely alone.maybe yall can stil be friends and be there for the kids.but i would say let it go.once u loose trust its all over...
2007-07-06 14:08:09 · answer #9 · answered by krazygirl30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOOH! that's a tough one. i think you should maybe try couples counseling if you really love her and want to be with her. But then again, if she doesnt truly know whether or not she wants to be with you, it could be a waste of time. I would seek a therapist.
2007-07-06 14:07:16 · answer #10 · answered by Christie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋