I get really angry/jealous when my husband watches something with naked women in it. (Not necessarily porn, but just R rated movies). Sex scenes in movies have always embarrased me for some reason and now that I am married I get really mad when a topless woman or a naked *** ashows up on the tv when we're watching together. I end up fussing at him and it's coming between us. How can I work on this?
2007-07-06 06:01:07 · 15 answers · asked by ashley b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know I have insecurity issues, but mostly it is the fear of him wanting someone else, on tv or otherwise...I'd like to get over it...any ideas?
2007-07-06 06:12:54 · update #1
I suggest whatever you do, you do it quick. I can't imagine how long a man would put up with that (sorry).
Can I plug a book here? I recommend "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps." An excellent book based on decades of research and study into how men and womens brains are physically "wired" differently. If you understand what men think of the sexy scenes, you'd realize it is no threat to you, how much he loves you, or your relationship. Men look at curves - we "have" to - but that doesn't mean we'd like to dump our wives for every woman with a better figure. Not even close.
Your insecurities are YOUR insecurities. Don't expect your husband to have to cater to every insecure feeling you ever have. No man is capable of that (let alone aware of your insecurities or why you have them - we're pretty dense in that regard). Read the book and learn how/why men and women actually think differently, it will be a great relief, I guarantee.
What WILL drive a man away is your behavior if you don't change it. [So he sees a naked woman on tv - and even ... LIKES it. So what? Aren't you glad you have a husband that is still alive, and a man with normal drives, who TURNS TO YOU instead of looking for a tv actress?]
2007-07-06 07:23:03 · answer #1 · answered by tj 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reason why you feel uncomfortable is because you are aloud to! Good Christian men would respect his wive's feelings and not stare at naked women on the tv screen and make their wives feel uncomfortable. I mean if you sat there and watched naked men on the screen with your husband right there, how would you feel? If that were me, I would instantly think about my husband and not want to do anything for him to think that I don't think he's #1 hottie in my eyes. Now if he's just watching the movie then I mean, you can't start a fight with him but I guess it would depend on his reaction to the naked woman on how you should react. If he is kind and sensitive tell him how it makes you feel, but honestly most men will get irritated and call you crazy! But either way, you don't have to sit there and watch movies with nudity in them if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe it would help if you just leave the room when he's watching it. Then you won't have to deal with his expressions and it's a subtle way of telling him that his reaction makes you uncomfortable. Hopefully he responds better to you being naked then the movie character and that would help your self-esteem. Just talk to him about it. (without yelling though!)
2007-07-06 07:54:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be like that too, until i realized that no matter what you do your man will still look at other women, they may not cheat but they can control their wandering eyes. what i did was i started doing things to make myself feel more confident i.e. working out, wearing cute clothes. And then i started looking at other men but not in a sexual way (well maybe sometimes ; ), and when theres a naked man on the tv i check him out. And eventually it made my jealousy diminish and i became a lot more trusting of him. I know it sounds crazy but it really worked for me. Oh, and when there is a naked girl on the tv use it to your advantage and get some booty.
2007-07-06 06:19:34 · answer #3 · answered by wish upon a star 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex sells. It's the culture, not your husband's fault. Sometimes the steamy scenes are made for either spouse, sometimes you can tell by watching them that they are written by men for men specifically to get men to ogle the ladies in the scene. Like I said, sex sells. But it's not just sex scenes that are shallow, often the shooting scene movies and car chase movies are shallow too, with hardly a hint of sexuality anywhere in them.
This is what you do. Don't let it bother you unless your husband looks like he is going to start drooling any second, a big glob all over the couch. Now if he acts like that, just slap his thigh or smack him with a pillow, not hard, not abuse! But just to get him to come back to reality and wipe that look off his face. It's not something he can completely control...naked people makes us all stare. But definitely stop arguing and getting angry with him. He doesn't write the movies, that's unfair to treat him that way, and he is going to get angry back at you for that.
I suggest that you watch some movies with naked people in them by yourself, and still the tv at the point where they are naked, and just stare at it until you get used to it. I think that is all it is...you simply aren't used to seeing a lot of nakedness and it naturally bothers you. That may not sound appealing to you, that idea, but what I am trying to help you to do is to numb yourself a little to it, because you can't escape the culture. All you need is to get a little more comfortable with it...Your only other choice is to move to a muslim country.
2007-07-06 06:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to see how pretty and sexy you are yourself. You have a lot of charm and power as a woman but you're not aware of it...when you see other women with that power of seduction you feel threaten even by the fake ones on TV. Stop being a little girl and discover what it is to be a woman. Once you figure that one out you will feel empowered and not worry one minute over other women.
2007-07-06 06:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes!!! I am the exact same way. My ex-husband was addicted to sex. Porn, magazines, massage parlors and strip clubs were on his daily diet!!! The emotional pain I endured during our (10) year marriage has left a lot of scars. One of them being "hatred" of the things I felt destroyed my marriage. It's easier to hate an object or idea than someone you love. I am in a wonderful healthy relationship now and I'm struggling to let go of these issues also. I'm not really sure how to do it either and I'm not even sure I want to. I'm really confused about this issue myself.
2007-07-06 06:14:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn`t get angry at him. He is just watching the tv. Sounds to me that you have alot of insecurity issues going on. Take a pill you only live once.
2007-07-06 06:10:42 · answer #7 · answered by ranger33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you not happy with yourself? It sounds like an insecurity issue to me. My cousin was actually the same way. Except she was worse. She would scan through the movies before her husband saw it, and if it had a sexy girl in it, he was forbidden to watch the movie. They are no longer together.
2007-07-06 06:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by JMC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you for real? "How can I work on it"? How about acting mature and lay off. This is so unbelieveably asinine it isn't even funny.
Quite frankly you're lucky he doesn't get up and try and smother you with one of the couch pillows. Some women complain about husbands watching pornography. You take the cake madam.
I guess the Disney Channel must be the only channel watched in the household.
2007-07-06 06:19:41 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why would you get mad i mean its just TV. its not the reall thing and also it helps him get more horny and ready for you. all you got to do is think about something when that comes up or turn around just ignor it and try not to make anything of it
2007-07-06 06:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋