My mom and Dad have said they were going to divorce over 20 times in my life now. This time, I think it's actually happening. I can't stand having divorced parents, and they know it. I just think that if they loved me and my younger brother, they would wait to do this. Recently they've been great together, but an isue with money came up and now they won't talk to each other. I know they both love me, but if they did, wouldn't they bear a little longer just to make my brother and my life better? Am I wrong to think that way?? I don't know what to think anymore. Please help.
2007-07-06 05:17:31 · 37 answers · asked by :) :) :) :) :) 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry that your going through this.. But the best things for adults to do is to NOT stay together just for the children's sake... it could actually make it worse for you kids when your parents are ignoring each other and fighting... instead of just thinking about you and your brother think about your mom and dad and what would make THEM happy as well!
2007-07-06 05:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your parents have had marital problems for some time. Some threaten divorce when things go bad but do not act on it and some actually do. It depends on how serious they are about ending their lives together.
Perhaps their marriage has lasted this long because of you and your brother but it's reached a point where even kids can't hold them together. Divorce/talk of divorce is always toughest on the kids.
If they do opt for divorce, think of it this way: Do you want to live in a household where the parents are so miserable they make each other angry/sad and, in turn, raise their kids in an emotionally unhealthy environment? Sometimes, when you have such unhappy people, it's best to let them part ways.
If they don't, if might be helpful to sit down with them and have a family chat about how threats of divorce really scare and concern you and your brother. That, they can work out their problems without resorting to talk of divorce.
Good luck to you and your brother and hang in there.
2007-07-06 05:33:19 · answer #2 · answered by JC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First-I'm sorry your parents are divorcing. A divorce is never a good thing.
But How Selfish do you sound?
Nobody will be happy in this situation if the stay together. They will still fight & still have the same problems.
I am sure after saying it that many times they have come to a point where they feel they have to break up.
It's not your fault they aren't happy together and nothing you can do will change that fact.
My parents Divorced when I was 9 and I am grateful they did. I wanted them to stop fighting and if separating them was the only way to do that then so be it.
My Dad has been remarried for over 15 years & it wasn't always good but they decided to work it out. As for my Mom she stayed single & she is happy that way.
Don't you want happyness for your Parents?
What would keeping them together accomplish?
2007-07-06 05:34:23 · answer #3 · answered by Kier22_2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you can look at the whole picture ask yourself if you would want to be with someone day after day living under the same roof that you really don't get along with or possibly have fallen out of love with.....kind of like being tortured.
Both your parents love you I'm sure but how's family life for you and your brother going with this stress and tension all around you all the time.
DO NOT ever blame yourselves for these two people's problems....its not your fault. Try to think of it like this....they both love you two just not each other, nothing is different between you and your two parents except one doesn't live at home any more. You still have your Mom and Dad and they love you... and that's what really matters in the long run. Your lucky to have both...my Dad commited suicide when I was very young....and haven't known a father since.
P.S. Have your parents gone to marriage counceling at all....if not maybe you could ask them if they could give that a try first. I hope everything works out, but if it doesn't and I can't say this enough times don't blame yourself for there problems and as bummed out about it as you are try to keep a positive outlook...and remember...you still have them both to love and to love you know matter what happens. Chin up ok!
2007-07-06 05:33:55 · answer #4 · answered by MLJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They want your lives to be better and that is why they are divorcing. They are very unhappy together and that unhappiness spills over into your lives too. That is very unhealthy and destructive. Wouldn't you rather have 2 separated but happy parents than parents that stay together for the kids and are miserable all the time? I came from a broken home and the divorce was the best thing for everyone. My parents were unhappy together and they never smiled. They argued all the time and I would dread when they were both in the house at the same time. That is no way for children to grow up.
2007-07-06 05:23:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to tell you this dear but yes, I think you are wrong to feel this way. Like you said yourself, they both love you, so you'll just have to make the best of it.
I'm not sure how old you kids are but you could be asking your parents to suffer for 10 or 15 years in an unhappy marriage. As a kid you cannot imagine what that is like.
At first it will be a disruption but if you can just hang in there for a few months you'll have 2 homes and 2 happy environments instead of 1 home where there's always sadness and tension.
It's hard but try and leave the adult relationships to the adults. They love you and I'm sure they're trying to do what's best for everyone.
Good luck and keep your chin up.
2007-07-06 05:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by Nic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents almost separated when I was 6 yrs old, and my eldest brother was 16 yrs old at that time. I have 4 more siblings and I'm the youngest. We didn't want to have a broken family , so my big brother who was so mature and very responsible brother talked to my parents heart-to-heart and explained to them the pros and cons if they get separated.
He did not have to beg my parents to reconcile for some issues , but my mom and dad realized that time that they have to work on their MARRIAGE for the sake of their 5 kids.. My parents have been married for 45 yrs and never got a divorce. I don't think you are selfish....talk to your parents and advise them to get marriage counselling and voice out your feelings with them about their divorce plan. If there's anyone here I can accuse of being SELFISH.. then that would be the PARENTS who want to get divorce. They are forsaking their kids by getting divorce for some monetary issues only? This is the problem here in AMERICA, all married couples resort to DIVORCE rather than fixing their problems.
2007-07-06 05:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by pinaytechie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being the child of divorced parents was hard for a while (I've gone through this myself). But, parents who 'stay together for the children' almost always hurt the children more this way. Think about how you've felt before and feel now. Imagine your parents staying together and the fights and anger continuing on and on, getting worse and worse.
They have already inflicted a lot of emotional pain on you and your brother, which is clear. The breakup of your parents is a painful experience, but is not your fault or your duty to try and fix. Please take my word for it -- once the divorce is over and any custody issues are resolved, things will get a lot emotionally easier for everyone involved even if the living arrangements change.
2007-07-06 05:27:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Their divorce has nothing to do with the love they have for you and your younger brother. That's the reason they probably have stuck if out this long. How is it making your life any better by them staying together and you seeing them fight or not speak to each other. I know it's hard when a family breaks up, but a lot of times it is for the better. You are basically asking them to stay in a relationship that doesn't work because you want them to prove their love to you. It's selfish.
2007-07-06 05:24:30 · answer #9 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your parents love u alot. If ur parents get divorced, there won't be as much arguing. Your parents' marrige wouldn't work just because they love you. there doing u a favor by divorcing now. they should have only told u when they were actually going to do it. My parents recently told me they are getting a divorce and i was relieved. There is so much tension i hated living there. My parents were going to wait until my little brother graduated highschool. but that wouldv'e been hell and they both relized it. They've screwed up his life so much already it would have been torture.
You can only feel how u feel, it is sad, its pretty much the death of a marrige if u think about it, and i was sad when she told me, even though i knew it was gunna happen eventually.
unfortunately its just something we all have to deal with, i wish i knew how.
2007-07-06 06:01:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋