"Secure" women and mature men, I need your thoughts on this "issue". I openly acknowledge that I have a

Question

problem with being insecure. So am I??? My fiance and I have a married couple that we do things with a few times a month. He has known them for several years (10+) and actually set them up on their first date. I have only known them for about (7) months. We all have a lot of fun together and I enjoy the "friendship" with one exception. The wife's a hugger and she also has VERY big breast. It is also common knowledge that my fiance is a "breast" man. The first time I ever met this woman she commented to me as she hugged my fiance good-bye "he likes to hug me cause he likes to feel my big boobs". When I discussed this with my fiance he just kinda blew it off. He said she has always hugged him from the first time he ever met her and that she was making a joke and I took it out of context. He is very secure and confident and thinks jealousy is silly. He says he has no attraction for her whatsoever and has never seen her as anything but a long time friend. What do you think????

We go bowling, movies, out to eat, etc... I do trust my fiance 100% I'm just a little "uncomfortable" with it and I'm trying to reestablish not be so insecure about everything.

Answer 1

As a 'secure' woman, I say you are not ready for marriage!!

If you have trust issues with his very long term friends, what are you going to be like if a cute little thing comes up and flirts with him and he smiles????
Give the guy a break.
If you cant trust that he loves you and only wants to be with you....even after he put a ring on your finger....then you are obviously in the wrong relationship or you aren't emotionally ready for this one yet.
In my experience, only people that can be trusted, can trust.
And only people that are deceptive look for deceit.

Answer 2

The other woman is more insecure than you are! She is having to use her body to show you they are bonded. You are giving her energy!! Accept the fact they have all had a realationship for years. She is the wife of your fiance's buddy. Do you think that he would be bringing her around if he thought there was a threat? The buddy is not too worried or putting energy into this body hug. Don't put trouble when there is none. Re-visit why you cannot trust 100%. Don't ignore the inability. Did your fiance' behave badly and it is unresolved? Do you feel unworthy of your fiance' and why? Your questions of insecurity are very important. Only you have the answers as to why you feel that way. Don't wait for others to make you feel important and whole. Spend time with yourself and answer your questions. Is it knowledge of your future husbands big ideas about "Boobs"? It is a BODY PART!! Dig deeper...find yourself and love yourself and don't let anyone put you aside!

Answer 3

I think that he is right and she was joking. let it go. It looks like he has known these folks for a long time and the husband is ok with the breast thing, so, laugh and have a good time. Good friends are hard to find and she may be a woman that you can talk to about personal things later on. Your relationship is a new one and jealousy can be an issue. Try to not let it become an issue with these friends who have had the same relationship for so long.

Answer 4

If you are secure, then you won't mind this breast hugging thing going on. It's a silly thing is all, I wouldn't let it get to me. They are friends, that is what matters, and he doesn't feel anything else toward her, but yes, he enjoys her big boobs...so what!
Don't let it get to you. Friends can touch, a little, not a lot! and that's ok, as long as they are just that...friends. It sounds to me like there is absolutely nothing else going on here. People who have been friends for a long time get comfortable with eachother, that's all it is, and don't feel bad about it because you are new to the circle of friends.

Answer 5

Personally I've found that most guys are pretty swallow and do go for the perfect sized woman. In my case my weight continues to be a constant struggle for me. I fall into the normal/health category for my height yet by culture standards I'm overweight. It's frustrating and I don't think guys appreciate that most woman can't possibly fall into the rail thin category. My bf tells me constantly that I'm beautiful and no where near overweight...but he's my bf so i think he's impartial. So yes I to am interested in male responses as well.

Answer 6

Okay people clearly communicate differently. My husband and his family when we get together as a family function they walk in and just begin talking and then they just leave when the leave simply walk out the door. My family they greet and say good bye with well wishes and big hugs. Its been something for both of us have had to get use to. It has been a bit weird I have to hold my self back and not give hugs hello and also I feel so rude leaving his family and just walking out the door when we go. At my family functions everyone hugs and says their good byes. My husband I have to slow him down and make sure that he gives hugs hello and good bye as to assure no one becomes offended.
When we get in the car he always comments on how different it is. So with this said celebrate her differences maybe she doesn't hug you good bye too because she can sense that your uncomfortable with a hug good bye and are protective of your personal space. As far as the boob thing do you think that he could of been joking with you? My husband is a big boob man himself. Just remember who's boobs he sleeps next to every night is most certainly not hers.
My personal take on jealousy, Jealousy is insecurity with in the one that holds the jealousy. What are you afraid of? Who and how did one step on your toes to have such insecurities with in? Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

Do you really want to know what we think? Well, I think you need to get over it. You are going to marry him, not her. Men and women can be friends, they can joke between each other, and it can strict;y be platonic. My boyfriend of 7 years, whom we live together and have a 19 month old son, is very very jealous. He has no reason to be. I am totally in love with him, respect him and admire him. This is really the only thing we argue about, HIS insecurities. Like I tell him, Get over it, I love you, and no one else! Get secure within yourself and with yourself. Life is way to short to go through it so darn jealous! Really, it will get you no where, but may be not to the alter. Good luck.

Answer 8

I think his friend was just making a joke. Jealousy is such a waste and a total turn off. Channel that energy into your own self esteem. He is with YOU. Had he wanted this women, he could have probably had her long before you came into the picture. Some people are just naturally touchy. they like to hug. That doesn't mean anything but friendship to them. Secure people know this. We also know that people of the opposite sex CAN be friends and nothing more.

Answer 9

If this is how you feel, then it is how you feel. It's not right or wrong, it's a feeling. Feelings don't think, and they don't always make sense. Sit down with your fiancee and tell him the true depths of your feelings. I could feel you pulling your feelings back even as you wrote this question. This is the rest of your life you are talking about. If he can listen, respect and change because your feelings are so much stronger about this than his, I'd say that you really have something special there. If you convey your feelings as deep as they are and he doesn't care to listen, brushes you off, things remain the same....you need to realize this is how he reacts. He's not gonna change after you marry him. Can you live with your deepest feelings being ignored, or blown off???? Think with your head, not your heart.

Blessed Be

Answer 10

I think she sounds like fun! Develop a friendship with her and I promise she will keep you laughing. He blew it off because he loves you and is with you! Don't hold him responsible for what others say. She sounds like an extrovert who has a great sense of humor. See it for what it is and lighten up, have a little fun! People like this always make life a little more enjoyable. Don't be one of those insecure party pooper women. Learn to take a joke when someone puts it out there and trust that your guy is with you because he WANTS to be. Good luck :)