How do you handle discipline with your children? do you let your partner spank/repremend etc. your child? how has exposing ur partner to your child affected the relationship? What do you do in a situation in which your child is misbehaving and your partner tries to tell you how to handle it but you don't quite agree and keep doing what you usually do?? thing is i'm 24 and my boy is 4. I've dated my fiance for 4 years and now that we're gonna live together we're having problems because he says i don't repremend my child the correct way. I spank my child when i feel i'ts about time but- i don't get on him for every little thing he does. He's quite obedient in general but there are times he'll throw a tantrum if i don't buy him a toy & it's hard to handle this when ur partner wants to spank a child that is not his. How do i handle this? it's really affecting my relationship with my man. I just think that my son has his father and if anyone should spank...
2007-07-06 04:49:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it should me me or my son's dad. Sometimes when we're out with my son my fiance gets realy annoyed when i'm trying to get my son to do something and he doesn't listen to me .
2007-07-06 04:51:02 · update #1
It's really frustruating me because i love my fiance very much but i would never choose him over my son. What should i do? what do you think is the best way to deal with this situation without having my son resent me later when he's older and give my fiance his place as my husband and the man of the house. my son's dad has never been involved with raising him so he's never had a father figure or man tell him something when he's done soemthing wrong. I'm stuck help please! i just want to have peace and be happy. Note: i;m 7 months preg. by my fiance so i know we have to do something and quick becuase when the new baby comes it's gonna be the same problem even if it's his child if we don't figure something out now before the relationship goes down the drain.
2007-07-06 06:01:19 · update #2
You choose.
Your fiance or your child.
The writing is on the wall.
It may get worse after fiance officially becomes step-dad.
2007-07-06 04:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by Char 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for putting your son's welfare first. This is a very delicate balance in relationships where couples with children are trying to merge.
It is important that your fiance have disciplinary tools at his disposal but spanking does not have to be one of them. Timeouts, verbal reprimands, taking away of priveledges (like a favoured toy or TV) time are all very effective in their own way and can be used be you and your fiance.
Do not argue about any of this, especially in front of your son! He needs to see that you are united on the behavior you both expect and the way it will be handled. In order to do that, you and your fiance need to sit down and literally write down what behaviors will warrant which discipline. Do this at a time when things are calm and going well. Then stick with what you have decided EVERY TIME.
This gives your fiance the opportunity to get the respect that every adult is entitled to. And it will keep your son from being confused as to what will happen if he acts up.
Bear in mind that you might have to revamp that list as you are able to tell what works effectively and what doesn't. As long as you both keep the lines of communication open this should not be a problem.
2007-07-06 12:15:40 · answer #2 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that's tough, it's like you are in between 2 walls. I know how you feel right now - lots of frustration for 'misbehaving' kid and a partner who can't seem to understand your situation right now. I know your child is not that bad.. he just wants to grab all you attention because he is being threatened by your finace's existence in your house. All your attention was with him before, and now part of it goes to your fiance, and he does not fully fully understand that yet. What you can do is to show your kid the affections and lots of assurance that you love him. The child is adjusting right now with the new man in the house. Now for your fiance.. I think HE SHOULD UNDERSTAND you and SUPPORT you.. this is IMPORTANT. It might be diffucult for him to understand what you've been going thru right now because he has never raised a CHILD and is not experienced in handling kids. You have to talk to HIM that you NEED his support if he wants your relationship to work.... Now, if time comes that he leaves you bacause he thinks you are not disciplining your kid ( which you do), then don't be upset.... you don't want to live with a man who cannot accept you and your kid. Your fiance has to know that you have a baggage, and he should understand these little disciplining issues. In other words, your FIANCE should be aware that you are trying hard to make the relationship work.. but you NEED him too make it happen.
2007-07-06 12:14:21 · answer #3 · answered by pinaytechie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 children and have been with my fiance for over a year now.
He disciplines them by making them do push up and flutter kicks (things of that nature). He has not and will not lay a hand (not even to spank) on my children. I made it very clear from the start that I am the main disciplinarian.
You can't expect him to understand how you feel because he isn't in your position. These are your children.
Now I'm sure you wouldn't let your kids run all over him. You also need to teach your children how to respect him.
I hope everything works out for you!
2007-07-06 13:22:21 · answer #4 · answered by JMC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel that your fiance should be disciplining your child. You are right, the only two people that should is you and your son's father. I do feel that you should teach your child to respect your fiance and to listen to him but ultimately you should be doing the discipline if he disrespects him. He doesn't have children. It is alot easier to tell someone else how to discipline their child. I think that you and your fiance are going to have to sit down and come to some kind of agreement.
2007-07-06 12:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do you plan on having children with this man? because at some point the two of you will have to agree on child-rearing. you need to learn how to stop being a single parent. because you are no longer a single parent. my stepfather was my dad for 8 years. and he was damn good at it. he never once treated me less then his own daughter. he introduced me to anyone and everyone as his daughter. btw, i'm light skinned hispanic, he is black. not light black, but black. he had no shame.
stop thinking of your child as "this is mine and mine only"
however, both of you need to go to parenting classes. at no time is it EVER okay to spank your child. it doesn't discipline the child, it only relieves your frustration on the child. NO ONE should be spanking your child. I had to get a court order for my ex to STOP spanking our children. and the judge agreed with me. so did Child Protective Services.
2007-07-06 12:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All i know is that if a stranger spanked my child which will probably end up happening in your situation, i would decapitate the step-father and ***** slap my ex for allowing it.
2007-07-06 11:58:29 · answer #7 · answered by reddrgn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same situation....you have to sit down and talk to him about how you feel and when its time for spankings or timeouts...parents like u and i know when to choose our battles, people without kids do not...and try talking to tog about the sit b4 making a decision about discipline not after ya know...if not u will end up like me, separated 9 months after marriage and it sucks
2007-07-06 11:55:09 · answer #8 · answered by amayseng 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋