Divorcing one's wife because of physical abuse?

Question

We are an Indian family and we have a serious problem with our eldest brother's wife. They have been married for one year on 1 March. Not only is she refusing to make food for her husband or take care of her baby boy (born in January), but also she is becoming verbally abusive towards her in-laws (Bahiyaa and bhabhi are living with us).
Last week matters have gone worse, and she hit her husband on the chest, in consequence to which he suffered from a minor hear-attack.
The girls family are also threatening our family.
Although we are a traditional family, we do not see any option for the safety of our family.
I would like to know if it is possible to file a divorce and how long it would take, as well as whether we would have to pay this lady compensation, considering that the harm is coming from her side.
ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERERS PLEASE

She has only been living with her in-laws since January, when the baby was born, and yes, she has always been very to-herself only.
In India, laws are different, and because of many in-laws harassing the girl for dowry, court always is in favour of the girl (which is right in 99 % of the cases)...
Our brother has done nothing to her, he just expected her to take care of the baby at least, if not of him..

First of all, thank you for all these valuable answers, we will look into the matter.
She is indeed refusing to feed the baby and locking herself inside her room, letting the baby cry. I could indeed suggest taping this, if it would help, anyting is good.

We have a tenant in our house, who is an impartial witness. He has seen our bhabhi hit our brother in the chest, which resulted in the heart-attack.

Her family is not calling, or harassing us at all, she is just refusing to collaborate in any way.

My husband and I are living abroad, and we are trying to take our brother here for a few time, so that he can get back a clear thinking...he is really very upset by all this, he has a reputation to loose.

On top of it, we were cheated on the girl's background: We were lied to concerning her education and qualification, as well as her home.

Answer 1

I have gone through all the facts of your case. Matter is serious. Although the case is covered by the ground of physical cruelty by this lady on her husband as you may be having his medical report regarding his heart attack due to her physical attack on him. Her abusive nature amounts to mental cruelty. But as you have rightly pointed out the matter is not so easy for husbands to get easy going in court cases relating to divorce as the wife come out with a contra attack of criminal cases under section 498A of the Indian Penal Code coupled with complaint under the Dowry Prohibition Act & the Protection for Women From the Domestic Violence Act. All these are not easy to handle by the husband & his family & the whole issue takes about four to six years to decide & lot of financial loss coupled with wastage of time & energy. The best solution which I suggest in all such cases is a mutual settlement between the couple for divorce by mutual consent where the parties decide about the custody of the children & permanent maintenance/alimony amongst themselves & move a joint petition for Divorce by mutual consent, such matter is based on no evidence basis i.e. no evidence is required in such cases but only a joint petition as mentioned to be filled & a date after six months is given when the decree of divorce is granted to the couple. This is the most economical & quickest manner of dissolving any such marriage. Now the question about how much Alimony has to be paid to her? Well it all depends what is her demand. Any thing between 7 to 12 lakhs is the present rate for any ordinary case (middle class)which is usually demanded or settled, but it can be more or less depending on the parties, in case of very rich parties the amount can go beyond 50 lakhs or even reach upto1 crore. As far custody of children is concerned similar agreement can be reached in their case too. The amount of Alimony which I told you can be settled out of court itself & one should not waste time for it there as it can take about 1 year or even more for this thing to settle in court itself. Another thing that one should always note more the wife/lady is arrogant more the demand will be for her alimony so one should always be prepared for it. This a brief legal position best for any matrimonial dispute which cannot be resolved by any compromise.

Answer 2

I can hardly believe what you say... it´s so unusual.
You say you are a traditional family, right?
So I reckon that it was an arranged marriage between both families.
Your family may be traditional and your brother as well, I am sure that her family thinks the same way as yours - but SHE seems to be completely fed up with her role in a traditional family and acts just this way to achieve a divorce and free herself from your brother, the in-laws and the family...
You have to look behind the whole picture.
Did she really want to marry your brother?
Did she really want to live with her in laws?
Did she really get pregnant and have children so fast?
Did she really ever want to be housewife and nothing more than a traditional Indian housewife??
Maybe she would answer all these questions with "no".
So, that’s the reason why she behaves this way.
Traditional or not, your brother should get a good lawyer and both should divorce with mutual agreement.
Otherwise, your brothers’ life, your parents’ life, the child’s life and also the woman’s life will turn into hell.
She feels frustrated and she will never agree to live a life like that.
It’s hard for the poor child, as his mother obviously can’t take care of him.
Maybe she feels aggressive towards the baby, as she thinks he is the one to blame for her situation or she might also suffer a depression from giving birth, which is more common than many people think.
Anyway, maybe it would be best, if your brother and your parents (the grandparents) could claim the custody of the baby.
They should point out, that it could be dangerous if the baby stays with the mother.
Don´t get me wrong, this situation is very delicate and I feel sorry for everybody, but in this case, the most important think is to protect the life and health of the little baby, because the baby can´t stand for his rights and needs protection.
Your family should move on and make the best out of it.
Good luck....!!!

Answer 3

It's a bit difficult for men with the law against them in most cases; however, if your brother has the brains of a good and experienced lawyer behind him, he still has a good chance of evading the compensation; for divorce shalln't be the problem.
However, dowry is against Indian law & anyone commiting or supporting this liable to undergo penali action. Hence, lawfully, even if your brother has not actively participated in the matter, his silence shall be viewed by the court as a sort of acceptance to the practise. And mind you; this is a stong point against your brother.
So, before moving the case, you all should weigh the pros & cons. It's better to get the matter solved amicably,considering there's a child amidst all this. Remember; it was not your brother but his wife who moved into a new home. It falls a responsibility to you all to take care of her just as you expect from her. Have you done your part ? Was she overstressed with the dowry factor ?
Sometimes, taking decisions in haste brings about a downfall in the future. So, think hard!

Answer 4

Sometimes domestic violence occurs and stops. The physical part does but emotional abuse still occurs such as constant yelling, cussing, threatening they are going to hit you. Yes this can go for men or women. Both could do these things. Its wrong both ways, I could emotionally abuse someone by making comments without raising my voice. The other person could be yelling and cussing at me while I am calm and say Well I don't think I deserve this type of treatment from you, will you please promise you won't do this and this. Can you agree with this or do you share a different opinion? The other person could be mad I am doing it and yell and get upset. Now whose is being emotionally abused? I could yell and scream and that is emotional abuse. They could yell and scream and that is emotional abuse? Or is it them reacting? A fine line. As for your two co-workers are they telling you this or are you seeing this. I have in the past been with someone who when I called at work to tell them what time I would be there for lunch and how much I miss them start yelling at me I know I know, I gotta go! What was wrong with what I said? Nothing. They wanted those around them to think I was being mean. Go figure.

Answer 5

Have her total background check, the child may not be of your brother. Try to find all this with out her knowledge(blood test)
How ever if that ***** behaves in such a way , throw her on the roads. Loadge a complaint, for the safety of your own family aginst her and her parents also take a legal advice from some good advocate. Note"; Once you have taken this action you can not withdraw again, as she would make your life miserable in future.

Answer 6

I'm no lawyer but I read the papers and everyday u see more of these cases of women falsely accusing their husbands for some reason.... In my opinion you should probably get an impartial witness to see how she treats the family. If her family calls you and threatens you, get Caller ID and try to record the calls. Try to build up evidence for a judicial case. Consult a proper lawyer without alerting her or her family.

Yes, your bro in law can file for divorce but unless u have ironclad proof, the case will be thrown out of court. If the divorce does go thru, it will take at least a year. In most cases the judge orders a separation of at least 6 months. And before the decision is made, your bro in law n his wife will have to go thru Marriage Counselling to try patch up their marriage. Divorce is an expensive option. You might end up having to pay some sort of compensation unless you have proof of domestic abuse.

Another thing is that custody of her baby might be given to her. In most cases judges are biased towards women in custody decisions. And if she's given custody, she can claim child support. In fact it is almost sure that she'd get custody unless u have incontrovertible proof that she is an unfit mother. Some video of her refusing to feed the child or mistreating the child might help.

You'll have to talk to a lawyer for more details. I'm not completely sure about the legalities of the issue. It might be entrapment...

Answer 7

Yes, your son should file divorce papers.
and Yes, he is probably going to have to pay compensation (probably having to divide everything up between the 2 of them), but what's the other choice?
Staying in this abusive relationship?
I would rather pay the compensation.

Something else that came to my mind:
Has she always been acting like this?
Or could she be suffering from Postpartum Depression after having the baby?
It might just be that she needs help dealing with her emotions, the best thing for this would be, get her to a doctor.

Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 8

If you live in the US we have laws on the book against abuse. If you report her she will have to spent 48 hours in a cooling off cell. There is no charge for reporting this and no money is owed to the the wife's family. I think it is best that you as the family get out of your son's business. Why, because he knows why he is putting up with this kind of abuse and unless he himself take action nothing can nor will be done.

Answer 9

It's hard for us to answer because we don't know the laws in your country. Here in the U.S., if someone hits another person, you can call the authorities and have them arrested - even if it's the woman hitting the man. And here, if you're in an abusive marriage or even if you just don't want to be married to that person anymore, you can get a divorce. Do you have lawyers in your country who can help you find a solution? I hope so for your family's sake.

Answer 10

Your brother may seek divorce from his wife on the grounds of her being violent towards him and also because of her abusing her in-laws. No alimony is payable for to the wife in such cases. Only the child will receive financial assistance. For news report on a similar case, please visit http://www.telegraphindia.com/1070314/asp/atleisure/story_7511583.asp .
For abuse of the provisions of Section 498a and redressal therefrom please visit http://www.498a.org/contents/Publicity/498aReport_version8.pdf .
Calcutta High Court recently denied alimony to a wife who sought divorce on flimsy grounds and also tortured her husband mentally. But the court maintained that the child should receive monthly allowance. Unfortunately, I can't recollect the exact details of the case at the moment. However you must consult a very good lawyer.