My husband wants to go to a bachelor party in CA (we're in boston) in Oct. I'll be 8 months pregnant. Even if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't really be happy about this, but at 8 months along the idea of it really upsets me. The bachelor is a nice guy but tends to be very wild. Am I being selfish by not wanting my husband to go? I'm reluctant to say no as I'm already considered the witchy (with a b) wife who gets upset if he goes out to often.
2007-07-06 01:46:02 · 20 answers · asked by Jennifer D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you to everyone who responded. I should clarify a few things. I'll just be starting my 8th month and this is our second baby. We have a 17 month old as well. So I'd be home with her and our three dogs. Not certain how long the trip would be. We're guessing a long weekend but that hasn't been decided. It's really not a trust issue. I trust my husband. I guess I just wish he'd rather stay home just in case something comes up with the pregnancy.
2007-07-06 03:20:52 · update #1
There are only three reasons for your husband not to go to the bachelor party.
First would be if you were likely to deliver than, but you say you will only be eight months then.
Second is if it would be an extreme financial hardship.
Third would be that you either do not trust him, or want to control him! Seeing as you are "already considered the witchy (with a b) wife who gets upset if he goes out to often", there is most likely some truth to this!
Has he given you reasons not to trust him? He obviously is an outgoing person, who enjoys spending time with his friends. He was like that before he was married, and he has not changed! His personality was part of the reason you fell for him!
If you put up too much of a fuss, he will stay home. He also will resent it. He may not show it, but it will eat at him. He is looking at a major change in his life. He is going to have to deal with parenthood. His life is going to be changed! This is already a lot for him to deal with!
Give him the freedom to enjoy himself a bit!
2007-07-06 03:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a tough one. Normally I would suggest you tag a long like a mini vacation, but since you will be that far along you won't be able to fly. You say you will be 8 months? Just the beginning or closer to 9? If it is within 3 weeks of the due date then I would be concerned, is he also staying for the wedding?
One thing you could do is see how the pregnancy goes and when it gets closer to the date ask the Dr. I'm sure you want him around for the birth and if it looks like you might go early then he should stay home. If the Dr says you will go to term then he should go if he is a good friend to the guy.
Just remember sometimes guys have to be guys, don't hold the leash too tight.
2007-07-06 01:54:28 · answer #2 · answered by glbenner 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Is the issue that you don't trust him? Or is it that you are afraid of complications with your pregnancy? They're two totally different issues. If you don't trust him to spend a weekend away from you then you've got far, far deeper issues here. If it truly is because of the pregnancy, then explain that to him -- have a good heart to heart -- and he should understand. However, the fact that you said that even if you weren't pregnant you would be upset leads me to believe that you don't respect or trust him enough. True love is not about controlling the other person. Perhaps you might want to look into why you trust him so little that you are threatened by his desire to go out -- or why you value yourself so little that you think you are somehow "not good enough" for him to want to be faithful to. I wish you the best.
2007-07-06 02:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by Megan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a mum of two and i have been left at home aplenty so i get were your coming from but i do believe that there needs to be a balance if you hold him to tight against his will you will both be unhappy,let him go with your blessing get a dvd and a foot spa and lap up some quiet time before the bub gets here and evryone will be happy
2007-07-06 02:21:48 · answer #4 · answered by mummafuzz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My personal take on it is that you have the right to feel anyway you wish about this situation. So I wouldn't worry about being witchy (with a b).... I'd be more worried that your husband would WANT to go across the country when you are 8 months pregnant. I don't think its unreasonable to ask that your husband stay with you. If anything, I'd think he would want to be there in case there's an emergency, you know?
2007-07-06 02:04:46 · answer #5 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It depends on what is supposed to be going on at this "bachelor party." If we are talking strippers and prostitutes, I wouldn't want my husband to go either - pregnant or not. However, in your case, the more important reason that he should not go is because you will be 8 months pregnant. He needs to stay close to home in case you go into early labor or God forbid something else happens. If I were you I would tell him that it is up to him if he goes but tell him your concerns with you being pregnant and the possible medical emergencies that could come up when he's gone. I would also tell him that it's disrespectful to your marriage if he is oogling/touching strippers and prostitutes. Don't be mad when you talk to him, just tell him how you feel about it without getting angry. Hopefully, he will respect your feelings about the situation. Good luck.
2007-07-06 01:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by Be me 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Make your own plans for that week, do a spa or take a mini vacation with your mom or sister or friend, this may be the last time in a long time you will have no one hanging on you or looking for dinner or a diaper change. I don't think you are being selfish for not wanting him to go, but its going to look that way and now you have a chance to look really generous and let him go, you can bring that up for years to come you know, for that reason alone its worth it LOL.
2007-07-06 01:59:07 · answer #7 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he should stay home. I understand how he feels about missing out, but he's got some serious responsibilities now. If it were me I wouldn't go to the bachelor party. I'd be afraid of not being there for the birth of my second child.
2007-07-06 03:41:46 · answer #8 · answered by tigrompy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can understand where you are coming from, but I would probably let my husband go. One weekend is ok.
Trust your husband, it doesn't matter what you say or do, if you can trust him, you are golden. If the issue is that you don't trust him, that is a whole other topic. Don't use being pregnant as an excuse.
2007-07-06 01:50:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well you have every right to show concerns about him leaving you in your last term of pregnancy, especially if this is your first child. He should be there for you, if this really brothers you then let him know, but if you trust him, and there isn't any insecurities in the relationship, then you have nothing to worry about.
2007-07-06 01:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋