Im so upset.My husband is so mean.He comes home from work and just screams at me.Says Im a fat lazy bit**,im a slu* and all because we are having a rough time at the moment and havent got alot of money.He makes me cry everyday and he doesnt even care.I feel worthless and Im just the most loving person in the world but all he ever does is just shi* on it!Please help me to understand what I am doing wrong??Thanks so much!
2007-07-05 23:58:32 · 17 answers · asked by Jennifer M 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way I do work and take care of our two kids!!!!
2007-07-06 00:29:00 · update #1
To Daddy in a box=I am not playing any role let alone poor innocent wife!Has anyone ever screamed so close in your face that U could feel their anger?And as far as money to fit my lifestyle????WE AINT GOT ANY MONEY!! I work too and he JUST went back to work 2 weeks ago! I have two kids to think about! Its not about money to fit my lifestyle,its about money to survive on!
2007-07-06 00:39:40 · update #2
He is obviously taking his hate of himself out on you. Everyone is different, but I would suggest to try and find out what the root of his anger is. Also when he is going of on a rant (which is proven to be addictive) just try & remember that he probably doesn't mean what he is saying, so don't buy into it and start crying because he will just go off some more. And when he is done you will want to try and be in a good mood, even if it is fake. If you do this enough then I think that he will stop going off on you so much. Just remember that it's not you. it is his inner demons that he needs to deal with some how & he doesn't know anyway to deal other that taking it out on you. God Bles & good luck!
2007-07-06 00:12:43 · answer #1 · answered by Pisces9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As everyone has told you and based on what you are telling us, your not doing anything wrong but, we must remember that there are two sides to every story.
You need to ask him what he feels that you have done wrong. The lack of money does play a big part of marital problems and I don't believe that you need to be rich but, it would be so much better not to have to worry about how your going to pay the bills this month. I am not trying to excuse his behavior towards you at all but, I would imagine he is under a lot of stress and when things are rough at home, they are rough at work as well. My question is, do you have children? If not, what about getting a part time job to help out with the finances. Discuss this with him first. If you have children and you think you can handle it, provide some day care in your home. You can do this without a license if you are only caring for one or two children (depends on the state) and if you charge a nominal fee that pays for your time and any food you would be providing for the children, you can help to make ends meet.
You say that you are having some difficulty in the relationship and it sounds like you want to work on it. Good for you. Understand that it will take a lot of patience and hard work on both sides. I would recommend counseling but, I generally don't any time because I haven't seen any success stories.
What I recommend you do to get things started, is to first find out if your husband wants to make your marriage work. If he is willing to work to save it then both of you need to sit down and open the lines of communication. Biggest thing here is not to make accusations but express feelings. If you start your sentence with I feel ... it will be harder to get into an arguement. Most important and yet hardest thing to do is never walk away from each other mad and never go to sleep angry at each other.
2007-07-06 07:31:24 · answer #2 · answered by dadof7n2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I try not to have a preformed Idea before answering a question, however on the face of it, Your question was loaded, yet I remained impartial until I read all the way to the last word which was "MUCH" now I see more clearly,, I think I can offer you an answer.
I look at your question in the (4) four parts that come from it, Part #1: I don't like my husband, Part#2: I don't want you to know I do and say things to set him off Part#3: I need you to see me as the good guy in this matter, Part#4:I need you to help me feel better about the crap I am prepared to do next...
You may disagree with me now, mostly because your intent is exposed, but don't mind my answer, your question will appeal to the hearts of Many Femi-Nazi's and Men Haters to give you the justification you seek, never mind the cold hard truth.
Your ideals about your marriage and your husband are appearant in your first words to the public at large, You Start off by defaming your husband and then your marriage,, Why don't you do both of you a favor and just leave now and save you both the pain and furhter heart ache simply because he is not making enough money for your taste and you dont want to feel bad for leaving due to such petty reasons....
I wish you both luck, but you will need more than luck to make it, you will need to stop the ACTION = REACTION game and then using the end result of it to play the pitiful good wife role,
I wish you and husband prosperity and love, mainly love :) for money is the root to all evil, remember ?
2007-07-06 07:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by Daddy in a box :) 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Write him a note tellinghim how much you love him and understand what he is going through. Ask him if he could try now to take it out on you so much, because it hurts you , and makes you feel that he does not love you anymore.
That should open a conversation up, and hopefully resolve the problem for now. If he acts as if he still does not care, then you need to pack up and go away for a few weeks, to see if he will realize how much he would miss you. If that does not work, file for divorce. What he is doing is called mental and emotional abuse, and you should not have to suffer like that.
2007-07-06 07:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look i went through sorta of the same thing money is always a problem don't let him yell at you for no reason tell him if you can't talk to me nicely don't speak to me at all focus on what you need to do try to focus on yourself your stuff ,have dinner ready, clothes anything to keep things running smoothly if he's in a bad mood tell him babe i know we can survive i know it's hard better we gotta keep us going try to talk about positive things.
2007-07-06 07:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was not like this when you married him, It sounds like he feels that he is doing all he can to make ends meet, and it's not working. If you dont' work, maybe you should think about it. He feels he's pulling all the weight in the relationship, and he's not happy about it. He's taking it out on you, even though he may not mean it.
2007-07-06 07:02:58 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Silac 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you haven't done anything that is wrong, your husband is just been mean. I can feel you because i have a mean husband too, he says all kind of bad words to me and makes me feel like i am not worth living. I have learnt to keep silence and just wacth him each time he tries to pull me down. Although we still live together i have since tried to keep him out of my mind by doing things that gives me joy.
I think you should try it too. it surely works
2007-07-06 07:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by black&proud 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't doing anything wrong. Unless he's telling the truth. In any case, no one should have to put up with that abuse, leave. He's the one that needs help, if he won't get it then you need to get out. Abuse is usually progressive, if he's verbally abusive now, it's very possible that he'll become physically abusive later on.
2007-07-06 07:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by wolfatrest2000 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your not doing anything wrong, by the sound of it it will only be a matter of time befoer he starts hitting you, thats if he isnt already. Leave him, go stay with a friend or relative for a while and tell him to sort himself out. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. If he isnt willing to go and see somebody about his behaviour towards you then he isnt worth it
2007-07-06 07:03:07 · answer #9 · answered by caz 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
honey, it isn't you it's him. don't let a man treat you like crap..no one deserves to be treated like that..
try talking to him and tell him how much he hurts you, go to a counselor if you can't work it out between yourselves. or just dump the jerk.
do not let yourself be an emotional victim-- its the trap that most women fall into because we just feel too much and are scared of being alone. do not treat yourself worse than you would anybody else.
good luck
2007-07-06 07:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by gigi 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋