Husband is often angry & unpleasant. Comes home angry every night and slams things around...?

Question

He says he hates his boss,the country is going to hell,hates the traffic he must drive to work in,can't get caught up on bills,etc.I've been ill off and on and haven't been able to work-so he blames me for not helping although I keep a very clean home & cook like a gourmet.He talks very mean about my 10 yr old son behind his back, and it hurts me-my son's a good boy.Husband is very passive agressive.Everyone worries about $, & hates to work, but he acts like he's the only man who ever had to go through hard times.His mother has millions & he won't ask for help.Now my once nice, kind husband is hateful & blames me for his misery.He's very longsuffering.I'm so tired of it.If I raise my voice to correct the dog,he tells me to not 'yell' at his dog!He says good morning to his dog in a pleasant voice & ignores or yells at me about his frustrations.He's making my life miserable.He used to be kind & caring to me & now I can't stand to be around him.I dread his arrival home each day.WWYD?

WWYD=What would you do?

Why do men thinks it is ok to take out their frustrations on their wife?Why are they nice to everyone else and cruel to the one person they should care most about?And don't tell me it's because they "feel safe" or "know she'll forgive him"... That's bull.

Harry D - You must be proud of your inane joke at the expence of someone else's sorrow.

I have gotten part time jobs to help out, but he's never satisfied. If I work part time, then I'm not helping because I don't get my own medical insurance. He has always resented having to pay for my medical insurance through his job. No matter what I do, its never enough for him.

Answer 1

Sounds like depression, and he's taking it out on you ! here's the hard part - he has to see this for himself to agree to getting some help.

Can you book a weekend away with him, away from work and all the stresses of life and see if you can redress the balance, take the dog as well as pets are known to help with stress.

maybe some time on your own, will get him to open up and I am sure that he is not happy with the situation either, maybe then he will seek some help

Good luck - I feel for you, hard when the one you love the most turns on you.

Answer 2

Dear Cathy. It sounds like your husband is going through the depression syndrome. His boss (who doesn't like there boss). The country well that is his opinion, we all hate traffic even after a bad day and get frustrated at being cooped us in a small metal casing breathing in someone else's fumes. But Cathy you can do some thing so little that it may diffuse the situation before it starts. If his time of arrival is more or less the same time every day, have a cup of tea or a fruit juice, not alcohol as it could be seen as an alternative and he would properly drink more. When he arrives home, put your arms around him and give him a big kiss, let him know you love him and appreciate all that you do for the family. Sit him down and ask him to tell you about his boss and why he dislikes him so much, Just talk don't try to be a counsellor as it doesn't mix within the family boundaries. If he start ranting and raving, just say, "hey calm down darling, lets just talk, I want to help YOU as much as I can". I believe it or not, but it is normal for a man to rant and rave in is house as he feels safe there, he can't do it to his boss as he could possible lose his job, He can shout all he wants in the car, but there is no one to listen to him, (they all have there own problems with out having to listen to another persons) so home is the safest, but I am sure it is not aimed at you, he just wants to let his frustration out which is a good thing to do rather than to keep it hidden until one day he explodes!!!!! I'm sorry to say that like your husband, I too dislike people shouting at my dogs, I just ahve to snap my fingers and point and they go where I am pointing to, they sit and wait, learn to command the dogs with out shouting, they will learn in time. keeping the house clean and cooking a gourment dinner (but I bet he eats it) It seems that he is looking for some financial help now that you have a part time job this maybe will help. But you must remind your husband that you are ill and can only do as much as you are at the moment. You also need to deal with why he has to be mean towards your son behind his back. 8/10times it has been proven that a man is jealouse of their young as they don't have the pressures of todays society, ie, work, driving, and keeping the family in the best means possible. If you find that you can't deal with all this seek help from a counsellor or relate. It is possible they can put you both on tack, but let you husband always know, you are here for him. Good luck Cathy....David

Answer 3

Unfortunately men always take their hurt out on those that are closest to them, and you don't get much closer than being his wife. It also sounds like this man is a bit dangerous. Maybe you should think about separation for a while, or at least move away for a while - go stay with a friend or your parents. I'm presuming that he is not the father of your son, in which case take your son with you. Maybe some alone time will help him see sense. Have you or anyone told him how aggressive and hurtful he is being towards you? Perhaps its about time someone did, because there is a good chance that he does not realise what he is doing. Some alone time could really do you both the world of good. Honest! Good luck!

Answer 4

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Answer 5

If he has changed this much in a short time there is something horribly wrong. Having a spouse that is ill is even more pressure on him. You need to seek a family counselor and get your whole family some help. Tell him that it's not about him it's about the family. While your in counseling do not talk about him or his problems, talk about yourself. Don't put any blame on him while you are talking. address your feeling and your problems to the counselor. In doing this it should help open the line of communication so he will talk about what is really bothering him. If he feels like he is being attacked in this counseling he will never want to go back, so you need to make sure you do everything you can to not put more pressure or blame on him. If he is willing to at least go once and it's just a 3rd party to listen and assist in working problems out, if he is truly the man you say he is he will talk with the counselor and become more as easy with life. Seeking professional help doesn't always mean something is wrong. in fact most professionals agree that having a 3rd unbiased person helping you work out problems is often better then two people attempting to work it out themselves. I hope this helps. Good luck

Answer 6

OK---this story and Cathy ticks me off,

Does anyone ever take the time to research the people behind these questions, like their Profiles and their Q&A's.

This lady was answering this question 19 hours ago to SarahS.
How many books were written to answer this woman.

Cathy, where are the other two kids.

Is your rich mother-in-law still in a retirement
home. Is she still calling you and your great husband at 6 AM.

What happened to all your self employed jobs.

Anyone want to report me for abuse do it.


Jud B

Answer 7

It sounds as though your husband is extremely stressed out. He probably feels it is all on his shoulders to keep the family afloat since you are unable to help out financially due to your illness.
Your husband is blaming everything and everyone near him for his own unhappiness....to begin with, he is probably in a job that he dislikes very much and feels trapped there because he is the sole breadwinner. He is behaving childlike insomuch that he is taking his frustrations out on you and your son (the only 2 people who are closest to him that he loves most...yes, even more than the dog). On the other hand, I think your husband is intentionally saying mean/being mean to you and your child because it probably gives him some gratification in knowing others (you & child) can emotionally 'hurt' in the same way that he is.
I think your husband needs a time out to regroup himself and the only real way he can do this is if he seeks counselling; or even speak to his family physician about his mood swings. I'm almost positive your husband needs anti-depressant medication.

As hard as it is for you to live with your husband when he is in one of his moods, you should know that it is probably just as hard for your husband because all he is seeing are the negative sides of life which is making him miserable...he can't possibly be happy seeing himself that way. If he could go back to the days when life was easier, he would no doubt feel elated. Perhaps you can reminisce those times with him?

Is it possible for you to sit down with your husband and have a calm 'talk' without 'finger pointing'? Maybe let your husband know you appreciate all that he does for the family (I think he's feeling unappreciated...sometime's men need reassurance just like us women do).

I hope your son isn't affected emotionally by this. If he is, you should let your husband know that if he really needs to vent, then perhaps he can vent in another room so that your child will not see 'this side' of his father.

I hope you have found this helpful. Good luck, dear.

Answer 8

I will never tell a woman to leave her husband, b/c marriage vows are sacred, however, I've been through it and I had to eventually leave. Living with a man like that isn't worth it. You wake up every morning wanting things to be different and it's not. I would suggest counseling,but he has to want to get help, he may not even realize that he has a problem. There are some things as a woman you should not have to put up with from your husband. Being disrespectful and only thinking of himself are the makings of a selfish man. Men get caught up in their own minds and forget that you have feelings and emotions that need their TLC. Take some time to really think about what makes you happy. You may not realize it, but you being ill all the time is from him and his constant mood swings. Its stressful cleaning the house all day and cooking only to have him come home and fuss about everything. He needs to realize what an asset you are to him. Take time and think about what is best for you and your son. Your husband is suppose to be the rock in the family that keeps your family unit strong and moving forward, not bring you down.

Answer 9

Have you confronted him about his over the top anger? He may not realize that he is as bad as what you are describing. While it is not right to come home and take out anger on people that are not the source of the anger is wrong. It actually sounds like he is depressed. I've told my wife to tell me when I'm over the top about something. This is an agreement we have and it works, but it may not work for others. My advise to you is to ask him if he realizes how intense his anger is. Tell him you are there to help him but do not appreciate being yelled at for things that do not involve you. You can asked him of ways to help him, but ultimately the choice of dealing with his frustration is his.

Answer 10

I think it's really time to ask yourself if you are prepared to suffer this sort of behaviour for the rest of your life.
My guy can be very unpleasant, too, but he has had a couple of strokes which have affected him mentally, so I can love him for the man he was, not always for what he has become.
Can you take some time out - it could be a case of absence making the heart grow fonder again.
I don't suppose he would agree to seeing a Counsellor - that's a statement not a question.