Wife leaving for good?

Question

My wife is going to leave me after 9 months of marriage. I am 27 she is 25, we both feel we rushed into marriage. I proposed to make her happy because I was kinda neutral on the whole marriage thing. Our relationship has really gone downhill since the marriage, both finacially and physically.We both wanted to go to counceling but we lost our insurance. I have gone through 3 jobs since we got married and am not making as much as I was. The hard part is we are each others best friend and I treat her like a princess and she nows that. I left for about 2 weeks and I missed her alot and she likewise. We are probably going to move out of our apartment seperately, ( we cant afford it ). She says that 95% of our problems are finacial. She says I'm the best guy in the world but I don't see why she is with me. I have gotten a second job but I think it might be to late. Am I a failure at marriage or just not ready?

Answer 1

Ok...if you really want to make it work sit down with her and lay it all on the table. Your needs, her needs and the needs of your little family. Figure out what you need to do in otder to change the situation so that you fight less and can focus on just being together...remember...nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Answer 2

I think she is right. Your problems are exacerbated by the financial mess you're in. Money problems are relatively easy to fix, especially when best friends (and lovers, in this case) are 'in it together' so what's your problem?
You can go to counseling and be charged on a sliding scale, meaning 'the less money you make, the lower the fee' so do that.
Why can't you move in with family and work until you get back on your feet financially? If that sounds awful to you, why not just move into a much much cheaper apartment, even a studio apartment? It's just the two of you.
You got a second job and that will buy you some time so hang in there together and work it out. With a bit less stress because there's more money coming in, maybe you'll have some breathing room to think about why you've lost so many jobs. Did you get in over your head because you both have such high expectations and you had to be in jobs that paid well but you weren't ready for (yet)?
Do you know how to live below your means at least until you can figure out what your standard of living reasonably should be?
So soon after marrying, it would be shame to break up over something that's easy to measure (money) and easier to control (budgeting) than the really mean nasty reasons for divorce - that can't be measured or controlled.
I say, stick with the marriage. You're not a failure but you both need to learn from this.

Answer 3

I believed you answered your question when you said " both feel we rushed into marriage. I proposed to make her happy because I was kinda neutral on the whole marriage thing"

You may find the following information useful.
Years of research by psychologist have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors. Lack of any two or more of these factors indicates there is high probability the marriage will not last. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)

1. Both parties married at age 25 or older.
2. Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)
3. Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).
4. Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)
5. Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)
6. Open Communications (agree that it is ok not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)
7. Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)
8. Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage.
9. Both individuals are not egoist. (a egoist believes that everyone would be happy by making them happy)

Answer 4

Try talking to your clergyman. There is a possibility that the marriage can be saved. Sometimes when you get into a financial bind, the marriage will suffer. If you sit down together and try to budget your expenses, you will handle the financial problem, and can then move on to the romantic part of it.

If either of you have a special parent that you can talk to, it would be to your benefit to discuss the problems with that person. They may be able to advise you of what you could do to get on the right track.

All marriages have both financial and romantic problems many times during the course of a marriage. If you take your vows seriously, you will remember "in good times, and in bad times, in sickness and in health, until death do you part" Right there should have been your clue that there would be those kind of times.

Marriage is not easy. It takes a lot of work and sacrifice, but it is well worth it to be able to enjoy that one special person for the rest of your life. Please don't give up too soon, or you may never find a true love again.

Answer 5

You are to young to be a "failure," period. Perhaps you rushed into the marriage, but there must have been a reason. You are now in somewhat over your heads. And that is stressful. The two of you can see counseling for credit/financial issues. You also mentioned that the marriage has gone down physically. Added stress can do that to people. If you both truly want to make the marriage work, you need counseling and the wills to want it. Good luck.

Answer 6

You both need to sit down and figure out the real problem. If you both love one another why split up. Try to work out something different. Reschedule your finacial problems by sitting down and figuring out who can pay what and all that. Do you both have jobs ? does she make more than you or you make more than her ? that might be the problem ? you gotta think things over. Your first year and second is the toughest then from then on is easier. Ask her if she just wants to try or she wants out right now. Hope you get the right answer of what you want to hear . I will be praying for you.

Answer 7

Don't blame it all to yourself. Does your wife has a job? When I married my husband he doesn't even have a job. He just got off from the service, he has a little money that we used to rent a 1 bedroom apartment. He's only 21 then but we help each other and did some tight budgeting then. Now we are fine. If you both really love each other nothing should come in between. Talk to her again and ask her if she is willing to help you. Good luck.

Answer 8

i would not call you a failure!!! it is very stressful these days,especially financially which is one of the top contributors of divorce (money is the root of all evil)!!! i would probably have a heart to heart and tell her how you feel.
if you have a church home or your parents do maybe you could check into counseling with a pastor/preacher.perhaps the one who married you!!! it wouldn't hurt anything if you are desperate for a reconciliation.
do you have family that could maybe let you both stay till you were financially back on your feet?
i know it is hard to ask,but i know a lot of young newlyweds doing that and saving up to get ahead before they move out on their own!!!
hope it works out & good luck!!!

Answer 9

Why is the financial burden soley your responsibility? Marriage is about compromising. If you are in a financial bind, then be frugal and get a 2nd job but it has to be a two way street. She also has to have the dedication to want to improve the financial situation. If she can not keep her vow for richer or for poorer then she may not be the one for you.

Answer 10

I blame a lot of this on TV,-ppl have been duped into thinking marriage means fun,getting along and generally everything good, really marriage is a lot of hard work and COMMITMENT, if your not willing to put in the work,YOU WILL NOT GET THE PAYMENT(ie:making it-)peace