i need a few opinions on a family situation.?

Question

my sister's hubby recently left her and now she is out every night drinking and acting like an ***. she is dating another guy (after 4weeks of being seperated and has been w/ him for 3 months now) and is always with him. the sucky part comes to play when i tell u that she has 2 children that she now neglects big time. they are great kids and she used to spend 100% of her time with them. now she might have them 2 nights a week. and when she does have them she complains about them and tries to send them to grandma's instead. she is 30 years old and thinks its her right to have fun. she has admited she wants freedom from the kids and says she is at a time in her life where she doesnt want the burden of kids.
the whole family has tried to talk to her and nothing works. she is hurting her babies and they have changed so much! any suggestions on how to get through to her. she just doesnt see what she is doing to them.

dad is great w/ the kids! he has them almost all the time. he is kinda the problem too though. he is such a push over! he enables her to go out 24-7. and she is playin him hard so he'll keep payin for the apt and utilities ... therefore she can use her money to party

sorry to be so long in this...
she is NOT in a depression! she has her cake and is eating it too! she has both men wrapped around her finger and admits it! believe me, she is not sad.

Answer 1

Your sister is going thru a rough time, but that is no excuse to treat her children badly or neglect them. Sometimes when people are going thru this they tend to not listen to people very well, or they are hurting too much to think things can get better. If everyone has tried talking to her, she obviously has made her choice. She will probably come around in time, and hopefully she will not have lost her children by that time. Child Protective Services takes a dim view of this kind of treatment of children. Your sister is the adult, she needs to buck up and take responsibility.

Answer 2

Ok first!

She's going through a helluvalotta pain right now and she's trying to mask it by "having fun". Think "Britney Spears".

Her world collapsed.

So if she were to hang around the house and look after the kids, she might drive herself into a depression and that's something the kids just don't need to see.

I'd suggest letting the kids stay for some time with other relatives (uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc....) while she drives her emotions - her demons - out.

If you want her to be a good mother, she'll never be able to do that until she can get the pain out of herself.

And help her BTW.....if she needs someone to talk to, talk to her!

Answer 3

Well, this situation is hard to fight the fine fight because most often no one wins! Keep that in mind as you make strides to reconcile your sister and her children. Pushing the children on her will only hurt them. Let her come to them when she chooses. As they become less attached to her because of her lack of visitation she will notice what she is missing. Regardless, this shouldn't be about her behavior but about the welfare of the children. From your post I understand they have an alternative guardian. This guardian needs documents for medical consent to care and others of that nature. A conversation discussing another adult making life-changing decisions for her children could possibly wake her up. The children are the most important. If you have been a constant in their lives continue to be there for them. I don't know their ages but much emphasis needs to be placed on their security. They need to have a real home. Further, they need to know that Mom still loves then but that she is hurting and doesn't want to take it out on them. This is the truest statement you can make to them; because of her history as a phenomenal mother a hurt of some kind has occured. You don't want to dog on her to them. No matter what she does they will still love her. They may say nasty things about her to appease you, if they know your feelings. Secretly, from the children you can begin to invite her into their lives by open invitations to movie nights, dinner, school functions, letter writing. Invite her weekly. She may be more positive toward the situation with others around to bear the "burden" of caring for them. It will also ease her mind to know when the "date" with her children will begin and when it will end. I'm sorry this has gotten so long; but I hope some of it is helpful to you. Keep you spirits up!

ALSO~ Child Protective Services will do nothing if the children are with the father most of the time. I know I'm a licensed social worker. Don't push that angle, she'll run. And neglect is simply impossible to prove in a court of law.

Answer 4

Seems that her brake up with her first husband really put a strain on how she feels and thinks about her self and what going around her sorrundings. She is in a deep deppression and feels that everyone is against her. All you can do is talk and find someone to help her like counseling, but in reality the only way for her to come to her senses is when she completely looses everthing her kids, family, and her sanity. She drowns her sorrows and pain with drinking and with other men. Sometimes a hard slap on the face of reality can someone realizes thier mistakes.

Answer 5

The only thing to do is to hand the kids back to her and refuse to babysit. This might bring her back to reality. She is trying to redefine the fact that she is attractive to other men and worthwhile. However, she needs to be reminded that kids are not a throw away item.

If she refuses to deal with her kids, the next step would be to take them away from her and have the grandparents become their legal guardian (expect the fir to fly over that one). By the way, where is the Dad and why isn't he taking care of his kids.

Answer 6

wow..u have the same case as mine...well, my case is more complicated than u...my sister's hubby did not leave her...he treats her really good that he would even send her back to my mom's place..he said that if u really wish to have fun, u go back..but our daughter must stay with me..u go and have fun till u think it's time to come back, u go back..our home will always welcome u...she neglects her 2years old child...
but ur sis is different...my niece still has a loving dad, but urs only got her mother..yet their mother still leave them to others..
well i guess no one can change her unless herself.she wont listen to every word we said...maybe doing this is a way for her to get over her heartbreak...maybe she's under a lot of stress...so she paid it back by having fun all the time...give her some times...let her play until she is tired..as her kids, try to give them more mother love...even if ur not her mom, but a love from a family is important for their growth...

Answer 7

Your husband needs to strengthen a pair, pass decrease back in with you and teenagers, regardless of what your Dad could say/do. in the journey that your husband truly needs to return decrease back to you, he will give up making excuses, and in basic terms confront your Dad, enable them to the two get all of it out, and then communicate. on condition that he's no longer prepared to do this, and he needs YOU to tender issues over, he's in basic terms taking his time. you're saying he's dwelling at homestead now. So he's no longer out on the line. He could hate having to handle his kinfolk, he could be ill of listening to them tell him how incorrect he's, or how lazy he's, or how valueless he's, etc. So constructive, coming decrease back homestead to you would be like a walk interior the park, given which you enable him do what he had to do. consistent with probability they advised him to get a job. With you, he can stay homestead, on a similar time as you artwork. It seems such as you have the greater suitable end of the deal. Why do no longer you enable him look ahead to you, for awhile ? while he's incredibly waiting to settle for some duty, he can first bypass communicate on your Dad, using fact with 2 teenagers and a job and the trailer, you're truly too busy to do this for him. He needs to step up, and all he needs to do is take a seat on his a** !!

Answer 8

Have the dad document this all with depositions from you and your family and get custody, then cut her off monetarily wise completely. Better for the children and then she will have to find her own money to party

Answer 9

Send the kids to live with their dad.If he is a decent human being at all, he will be overjoyed to have them.Then tell her to get her tubes tied, she isn't FIT to be a mother.

Answer 10

sadly time will heal everything, shes going to have to fall before being picked up. it seems shes selfish, what i would suggest is them being with there dad full time, that way there with one parent who acknowledges there there. good luck.