Is it stupid to come out at the workplace?

Question

I'm a little embarrassed by some female co-workers flirting with me, and I'm tired of getting teased (not mean-spirited) by some male co-workers regarding my hair and how I am such a "pretty boy" and a "fruit."

I swear, the next time some girl at work asks me whether I have a girlfriend or not, I'm just gonna tell her straight up that I'm gay.

Answer 1

It's not stupid to come out, if you feel like it is something you want to do. Do understand, unfortunately, that it may make the ribbing done to you worse. I always come out, I don't make announcements, but if someone asks about my spouse etc, I let them know it's a "her" and I don't have a husband etc.. I have the type of attitude that if you don't pay my bills, then I don't care what you think.

Answer 2

I agree with many of the answers you have here saying that you should tell these women that (either) you're gay or uninterested. I don't think you should go around telling people your orientation, it isn't their business, but you could descreetly tell the women why you're uninterested. If you REALLY like your job, maybe not, but I don't feel like the guys at your work would harass you for being gay. I think the pretty boy comments might prevail, but with the extent of political correctness now, I don't think they would want to cross that line. If they really bother you, you could confront a supervisor about the problem. In the workplace, any harassment should be unacceptable.

In short, I think you should talk about your personal life as much as a straight person. "My wife and I are going on vacation"="my partner and I are going on vacation", etc.

Answer 3

While I agree with the concerns of the previous posters about the possible backlash of your male coworkers if you were to come out I don't agree that work should be work and home should be home. I am a fairly private person at work but my sexual orientation is established early on. Its not as though I go around the building shaking hands and professing my love for men but a simple desk object or pin declaring is all that’s required. I feel that its important to be present and counted, a company is less likely to offer a gay friendly environment (i.e. same sex/ domestic partnership insurance, sponsor gay rights events ect.) if they are not aware of gay employees. Regardless of if we like our job we spend a great deal of time there and because of its critical link in the economic chain (consumers money being returned/paycheck) social change often begins in the workplace.

Answer 4

First off, if the guys are calling you names or otherwise making fun, you need to tell them that you don't like it & to please stop, and if they DON'T stop, then go to your manager or to HR & report it --harassment in the workplace is against the law.

As far as coming out is concerned, a very personal decision. At my old job I came out to my friend because he would stupidly make comments that weren't exactly 'friendly' and I was afraid of him getting in trouble because I know he's never out to hurt anyone. So I casually said to him in an e-mail, 'how do you know you haven't been sitting next to one for the past 6 months?', and he was soooo apologetic...

At my new job (only 4 weeks now) I wear my pride ring, and will not hide, but I have no reason to 'discuss' it per se because I don't even have a girlfriend nor am I looking for one right now.

Answer 5

Are you gay though?

You think the male co-workers of yours are harassing you now wait until they find out you're gay for real. Then the harassment will really start.

It's your decision, but with every decision comes consequences. Weigh those in your mind before coming to a conclusion about your next move.

Answer 6

If there are guys at work who are so "open-minded" as to call you a "fruit", I wouldn't probably come out there. Maybe find a new job. Just tell the girls you're not interested. I try not to tell people about my sexual preference if they are people I would prefer not to imagine naked and engaged in intercourse. Maybe that's strange, but that's my rule of thumb. Straight people don't go around telling people they're straight all the time, so I don't feel like I should have to tell people my sexual preference all the time. Of course, they declare it in small ways like talking about their boyfriend/girlfriend and being married, etc. The girls you work with sound like cheerleaders in heat!

Answer 7

Coming out at work can be a tricky thing. You have to take some things into account. You co-workers don't sound like they will be very supportive. I, personally, don't choose to come out at work because it's work, not social time. It's really nobody's business what you do off the clock.

Answer 8

It's really no one's business in the workplace if you are gay/straight or whatever you want to be.... I'm tired of ppl "coming out" it's annoying.. I don't run around " I'm straight" so I would expect a gay person to just keep it to themselves. So, if a female co-worker is persistant in asking you out.. Be gracious, and be flattered and say "Yes, I'm seeing someone, but thanks anyway.." However, you shouldn't be harassed by anyone at work either and those that are taunting you should be repremanded.

Answer 9

I think you should be yourself, MMaybe ask them why they are so concerned with your personal life. Its never a good idea to tell your personal life to your coworkers, never detail or to personal, but you should be yourself. 2 guys I work with are gay, they don't get all personal and display their personal lives but because they aren't ashamed of their preference, they casually say if they went to the movies with their boyfriend. Be yourself, just don't go ito detail about your personal business, that is a cardinal rule for anyone, gay or straight. Good luck and just be yourself. Who cares what anyone says about your preference, if they don't like it then they shouldn't be all up in your business.

Answer 10

I don't think it's stupid, although some professions (like teaching) make it really tricky. If you're comfortable with coming out, do so. Also, you might try gently telling your coworkers that you don't appreciate their teasing - which could be considered sexual harassment, which (I'm sure you already know) is illegal.