About 3 weeks ago, my kids and I were coming home from church. I couldn't find my husband inside the house so I went into the backyard and started calling his name. He didn't come out right away, but he eventually stepped out of a shed. I could smell marijuana all over him. At first he tried to deny it, but I threw my arms around him and told him I love him and wouldn't leave him.
He then admitted that he has been smoking marijuana since before we met. He also admitted that he spends about $100 a month on weed and about $400 a month on Lottery Scratchers.
What makes this much worse is that we've struggled financially for our entire marriage. He hasn't worked in 18 months, so he's been using part of my paycheck to support his drug and gambling habit.
Anyway, he promises me he'll stop this time. But I know addictions aren't that easy to break. He says that because I still love him and forgive him, it gives him strength to quit. I'm scared to trust him. Now what?
2007-07-05 12:56:07 · 23 answers · asked by Lydia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone is entitled to a second chance. He should of told you before the marriage but that is a moot point now. I would say you should handle the day to day finances until he gets a job. Give him spending money that you both really can afford. Tell him when it is gone it is gone. He should if he wants this chance agree. Get him into a support group at least for the gambling.400 a month would but alot of food,clothes,and pay some major bills. You are the bread winner and are supporting everyone in your household for this you deserve the right to decide how your money is going to be spent. If he does not go along with it then he did not mean what he said and be done with it. There probably is not much help for him.
2007-07-05 13:03:08 · answer #1 · answered by debbie f 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You want it to go back to the way it used to be? Was he good with money once upon a time? Did he not lie once upon a time? Or was he bad with money way back when...and maybe you just didn't know he was telling lies? You can't trust a liar. It really is that simple. You will spend the rest of you're life wondering if the things that are coming out of his mouth are a lies. And whatever you have joint together like credit cards, bills rent etc that don't get paid will ruin you're credit rating along with his. Whether you're the spender or he is. Bad credit is NOT something you want. It will stop you from buying a home one day, getting a loan etc He will bring you down in more ways than one. Think long and hard why you want to forgive him...and why you want to stay with him.
2016-04-01 10:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by Natalie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is not going to do this on his own, especially if he has been doing it before he married you. How strong do you think he is? Even the strongest person can't stop if they are addicted to narcotics and gambling; there are two strikes against him already out of the gate. If he is willing to go to a drug rehab center and clean up, then consider staying with him. Don't let him abuse you with his promises, after all, he is not only hurting you, but your children as well. Love can conquer only so much, but being out of work, he is no doubt depressed, needs something besides, "I love you", to fall back on. Look into a center that won't cost you anything since he is unemployed, and if you are smart and really want to help him, make sure you give him an allowance and put your money where he can't get his hands on it. Good luck!
2007-07-05 13:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy S 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN...Your love has not changed his habit yet...why will it in the future. My husband was a drug addict to many drugs, they just get better at hiding it...than it won't matter if you do his laundry and find a joint in his pocket they always have an excuse" I was just holding it for a friend." I know...after 11yrs of marriage and forgiveness and loving him didn't mean sh!t to him all. He would try to turn it all around on me like I was paranoid. Why should he sit at home or stop if you let him get away with it? Leave him and say he can come back AFTER he gets a job sumbits to a over the counter UA twice a month. You can buy them at your local pharmacy....they are sure cheaper that his gambling and pot habit! and then you could rebuild trust the right way. I promise he will continue to deceive you if you let him.
2007-07-05 13:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by Destiny 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get your own checking account and have your paycheck dropped in there. Give hus an allowance, say $200/mo for "personal expenses."
Let him know that pot is not okay. It's a bad role model for the kids, not to mention, illegal.
Unless he has a really good reason, this man should be working, even if he's slinging burgers at McD. You don't just sit there and watch your family struggle financially while you're drugging & gambling.
My hus uses a phrase for our teenage son. He says--Trust & Verify. Treat your loved one as though you trust them, but go back and verify everything he says.
2007-07-05 13:04:56 · answer #5 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Grow up, get real and consult an attorney IMMEDIATELY. You will soon lose everything and be evicted. He is giving you a story full of baloney and he knows you will buy it because of your actions. What in heaven's name were you thinking?! Why would you throw your arms around him and tell him you love him when you caught him doing something wrong? Do you reward your children when they do something bad and punish them when they behave? Why are you so screwy? It's no wonder he doesn't pay any attention to you, why should he? You're a baloney artist as much as he is. Stop kidding yourself and grow up. You're married to a guy who is an addict; he has TWO addictions, drugs and gambling. Yuck. Why would you want to be around such a person of low character? It's divorce time.
2007-07-05 13:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by D 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He probably needs to consider getting help through something like AA or NA or gamblers anonymous. It sounds like he may have an addictive personality. Since you have children, it's worth it to try counseling. Often company health plans have a certain amount of counseling built in. Churches will often do counseling, too. There are also groups for spouses and children of addicts that are free and you can learn from others how to deal with an addict. It will be hard and he may slip. It's up to you ultimately how much support you can offer him without sacrificing too much of yourself/children and not see him get any better. Good luck!
2007-07-05 13:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
you need to take a reality check.This guy stepped out of the shed with all these revelations and now your heart broken. What were you before blind.At least now you got your sight back why would you not trust a guy who could restore your sight. Was your wonderful mind and brain on vacation for the last few years. What do you do try opening your eyes for starters
2007-07-05 13:04:06 · answer #8 · answered by brian m 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
at this point you have to think............. I love him and we have kids that need him in their lives. I'm not saying to trust him............ I'm saying to watch him like a hawk and see if he makes changes towards what you can live with. Weed is not terribly addictive, so maybe he can shake it. The lottery on the other hand............... truthfully he is trying to get the money to make things good for you and the kids. Yeah, I know.......... It's a long shot, but he is grasping at straws! Good luck and God bless!!!
2007-07-05 13:03:30 · answer #9 · answered by i know it all! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can trust him. I think he's manipulating you on the "because you still love me and forgive me it gives me strength to quit" thing. That's addict talk. If he's already doing that, he's probably into harder drugs than pot. He's on a downwards spiral unless he gets professional help. In the meantime, protect yourself and your children. Also, check out Al-Anon. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Find a local chapter and GO! Now! Today if possible. You will learn much that may help you survive this. Good luck, Dear.
2007-07-05 13:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋