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My fiance and I are so in love. We want so badly to be with each other forever. When it comes to our families, we started on the wrong foot. His family thinks I'm a control freak (anyone else get that?) and my mom thinks he is too lazy to be a good husband. Now my family loves him. He lives with me in my mom's garage... Until we have enough money to get out on our own. But, his family hasn't stopped disliking on me. It's making him so annoyed at them for this that he's starting to blame me for it. We fight a lot about what they speak of me and it hurts me so much. Is there any way to fix this mess before it causes my baby to give into their words and break us up?

2007-07-05 11:26:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

We'll we have only been in my mom's garage for 4 months... because his mom kicked him out and his dad wont let him in. His mom kicked him out because she can't afford to have two people living in the house with her. He does stand up for me as much as possible. But another problem is that his family wont listen to him because he has learning disabilities as well as serious anger issues with somethings. He is not lazy... he has been and changed. Like I said, my mom loves him now because he works full time and is in school. We are busting our butts to get outtta here. We got debt to pay off first though. We can't even afford a car. And I work as well as full time at school. This is so bad, we keep thinking of elopement. He also feels that's the only way to make them deal.

2007-07-05 11:44:59 · update #1

We have known each other for 7 years. We were each other's first bf/gf, kiss, french kiss and I love you's. Broke up and now back together after a 2 year seperation (while keeping in tough though, like good friends). We have been back together for a year and 10months. And he asked me to marry him last summer at Disneyland on Space Mountian in front of all the people loading into the coaster cars (our favorite place to go together and where we want to marry)... The whole point to my post is, we are so sick of waiting for his family to turn around. Lucky us, only one person on his side is starting to get along with me... His dad. We often tell each other, we wanna Elope. We agree to doing so. Cause we think it will force his family into learning to like me or just get them to deal with it. We are dead set on Elopemnet, but only because of his family. Then later in the next 2 years we will really marry. So in the mean time, how the hell can we get this mess to stop?

2007-07-05 12:18:49 · update #2

15 answers

sweets, let's put this in perspective:
You say your family loves him. He is obviously doing something right.
You say that his family threw him out and are speaking badly about you.
Is he unconciously blaming you for his family decision?
Can he see that both you and your family are giving him full support for all his efforts and his family none?
You must make these points clear for him.

He must also realize that fights about his family do not lead to anything productive and he should like you as you are, not them.
On the other hand, avoid speaking badly about his family. if possible avoid speaking about them at all.
When you see them, you can be aloof but courteous. No matter what, be polite.

It is possible that they blame you for losing their "dominion" over him. If he has some difficulties and is working it out, they have no "weapons" of control.
On the bright side, some of these things may disappear with time. They may realize their attitude and what you and your family are worth and things might smoothen out. it happens many times.
All the more reason for you to avoid conflicts that may lead to deeper resentments.
Good luck - you have a tough journey ahead - use both your head and your heart!

2007-07-05 12:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by ss 5 · 0 0

Sorry to say this, but things don't look good for you.

People say that "love can overcome anything" and that "you marry your spouse, not their family" and such; but sayings always speak some kind of truth...and in this case, the facts you are not economically stable, are living together, sound very young and are having problems because of his family's opinion of you are ingredients of a powerful nuclear cocktail.

Chances are things will get worse, and your life will be SEVERELY complicated if you end up pregnant...! What will he do then? Dump you? Or fight for you and your kid?
(From what you wrote, it sounds to me like he's torn and he doesn't know which side to choose.....I would not stay with a man who wouldn't be backing me 100%.)

I think you should re-evaluate your relationship--but use your head, not your heart. Feelings come and go; but we should use our heads to make important decisions.

Many times we make huge mistakes because we tend to go with our feelings, and not with our brains.....Later on, we regret our decisions- and it's too late.

Good luck...think things over. This is your life, and you will have to live with the choices you make.

2007-07-05 11:40:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sounds like a terrible thing to be going through, and you do want to fix this so it doesn't affect your relationship, i would seriously have a talk with his family...that's the best thing to do, get it all out in the open, this will show them that your caring and care what they think, tell them you got off on the wrong foot and you'd like to spend more time with them and show them that you really love there son and that your not like they think you are, the only way to make this all work out is to talk to them, that's the key to a good relationship with anyone is communication.

2007-07-05 11:32:31 · answer #3 · answered by Nita and Michael 7 · 1 0

It must be a really awful situation!

What your fiancee needs to do is to set his foot down and set his family straight. It may take a few times, but he has to show them, and you, that you will soon be his wife and you deserve respect. If he only allows them to talk badly of you and doesn't stand up for you, that's a serious issue. It may be nothing you can help fix except by showing them in word and deed that their impressions are wrong.

Good luck!

2007-07-05 11:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

My father-in-law, who's now passed away, was a drunk, biased and hated Polecks and Catholics. I could have cared less, I ignore him and he knew that.
He came over one day, drunk, he started in on my, then my family, then, he made a mistake a bad one, he Gd my mom for raising bastards. I grabbed him, told him I was tired of his mouth, his drunkenness and I wanted him out. He left.
I have never visited his family or any of them for over twenty five years, he didn't want anything to do with the grand kids either.

So, my advise is, my wife understood, she knew I could have hurt him bad but, didn't. She would visit her mom when she wanted but, me and the kids never went there again.

You don't sleep with them, he should understand it. Stay away from them, go your own way. Don't let them come between you, either one.

2007-07-05 11:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1 0

blood is thicker than water.in long run he is gonna take side with his family.what kind of man lives in a garage?i get a feeling that in few yrs ,either youre gonna be working your A.. off just so he could be lazy or may be both of you gonna be living in a garage.you need to think about your future beyound love and efection.

2007-07-05 11:38:53 · answer #6 · answered by londoner 2 · 1 0

If he is willing to listen to them, he is not being loyal to you. This is a problem that will last after you are married unless you sort it out now. In-laws are usually difficult, but he has got to decide whether he wants to take their side or stick up for you when they give you a bashing.

2007-07-05 11:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0 0

well i think the living in the garage think would get on my nerves more then in laws.maybe think like that because hes living there .try talking to them about it maybe the mom first and if its a big deal about living there then he should move back home until you can stand on your own

2007-07-05 11:33:22 · answer #8 · answered by ldhotlipps 3 · 1 0

Try working things out with his family, you don't have to do everything they tell you, just have a civil and cordial relationship.

However, if he was sure he loves you no matter what, this shouldn't be affecting him that much... talk to him to see if there are no bigger reasons for his stress.

Good luck,

2007-07-05 11:36:29 · answer #9 · answered by Karla T 2 · 0 0

you two love each other , your not in this for your relatives. You two should cut all contacts with them . just for awhile . to prove to them that you love each other and thats it. its your lives here . your lucky to have each other . dont let anyone get in the way of that.
good luck
jethro

2007-07-05 11:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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