Why would this woman I know want to rush into marriage to someone who has emotionally and psychically abused her in the past? Okay, she says she wants her kid to have as stable a family life as possible, but how can that be when the father sounds as if he's got major issues? They've known each other for ages, though he left her a year ago when they were engaged before. Since then, she has admitted really liking someone else, even telling her soon to be husband about them. It's as if she's also trying to prove something by demanding this commitment from him. I want to support her because she's my friend but on the other hand I want to tell her she's making a massive mistake. Of course that's my opinion but could someone really forget all the hurt that's been caused before and live the rest of their life with a man who could make them so unhappy at times? Is it possible she's confused the need for a two-parent household with true happiness? Surely she needs to think of herself too?
2007-07-05 10:55:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are making an enormous mistake that will drive you nuts if you don't give it up. never, ever try to understand women. it's impossible and pointless. this is reason 6,523,014 why women are crazy
2007-07-05 11:01:13 · answer #1 · answered by heynow 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm with you on this one, it seems as if she wants to prove she can make a go of it and be happy despite everything. Some people can give their partners a second chance and some do work out but she must be absolutely sure she's doing it for the right reasons. Thinking she wants a stable family for her child is fine just as long as she's sure the child won't be unhappier in the long run if things go wrong and he reverts to his old ways. It's no good having two parents if they're fighting all the time and the child is like piggy in the middle and left feeling mixed up and insecure. If she is dead set on marrying this guy well you're a good friend and there's nothing wrong with trying to talk about you concerns, after all you are just looking out for her. I have a feeling she'll go ahead with it anyway and if you keep on about it too much she's likely to want to prove everyone wrong. She probably thinks it's ok for her to see his bad points but she doesn't like it if someone else points them out.
The only thing you can do is stand back and let her get on with it and if it goes wrong I'm sure you'll still be there to support her. It must be so frustrating when you can see this might end badly, you just have to let her make her own mistakes though, she's a big girl now. You seem like a good friend and maybe if you keep on about it too much and she can see you really are against it she might turn her back on you and turn even more towards him. It's just not worth ruining a good friendship. I can see that you care about this and you want her to be happy but I'm afraid all you can do is to be there for her if the worse does happen, and let's hope he's changed and it won't, for the child's sake too. All the very best to you!
2007-07-05 18:27:44 · answer #2 · answered by clara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you CAN do. I agree that it sounds like a mistake - but you only have control over one person's life (and its not HERS).
I would guess she has a couple things on her mind:
1) I need a father for my kid.
2) I feel more secure when I'm in a relationship.
Some people don't feel complete or "NEED" to be in a relationship in order to feel good about themselves. Folks that are like this will often choose an unhealthy / abusive relationship over being "alone".
Some people never matured without a significant other / spuose at their side, so to be on their own scares the crap out of them.
I'd guess maybe that's the category your friend falls into.
2007-07-05 18:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by aa889d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is rushing into marriage and desperately Trying to find a new life.But not with you. Support your friend when all possible.Not sure if you are a male or female friend. She needs to set her mind straight and go forward with her own life. No one can make her mind up on this. She needs to make her own mind up.
2007-07-05 18:11:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It never ceases to amaze me when a woman is hooked on a loser bloke and makes all sorts of excuses why they should be together. She isn't thinking of her children at all. She is thinking of herself. Maybe she doesn't think much of herself and is marrying someone unpleasant as he verifies her own opinion of herself. You cannot interfere - just be there when the proverbial hits the fan. Its frustrating isn't it? Watching someone make a tit of life and being totally helpless to stop it.
2007-07-05 18:49:23 · answer #5 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is blind......
2007-07-05 18:11:19 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋