my boyfriend wants a child but i cant have any more?

Question

i have already had 5 children and am now in a relationship with a 38 yr old guy , we love each other and he wants a child but i have been sterilised and am also almost 50 so i cant have kids, any ideas what i can do ?

Answer 1

If you haven't already told him you're no longer able to get pregnant, then please do. If you have, then the facts are the facts. You can try using a surrogate mother or adopt.

Answer 2

Dont mean this in an offensive way but wouldnt he kinda take for granted that at nearly 50 a lot of women either cant have children due to having gone through the menopause or certainly dont want any at that stage. What im saying is surely he kinda figured this when you guys got together initially?? I guess its about sitting down and talking it through with him. Goodluck

Answer 3

Assuming you want a baby too then adoption is a great idea. Adopt, adopt, adopt. There are so many kids out there who want and need loving parents. So many kids are wards of the court and deserve a good home to parents who want more for them. You could be those parents. Call your local Social Services Department or Child and Welfare Department and inquire about how to adopt.

Answer 4

When my husband and I got together I told him FIRST THING that I couldn't have children. Besides that, being almost 50 is NOT the best time in your life to have a child. I doubt I would attempt it. Any man that is mature enough to understand the repercussions of a high risk pregnancy is mature enough to realize what he may or may not have to deal with as a result of that. Most are not willing to take that chance.

Answer 5

I guess you know that sterilizations can be reversed, however, you are unlikely to conceive naturally at your age. As far as you having to tell him this...well I would have thought that it should be fairly obvious to him! I know a couple where they met later in life....wife had a couple of adult children, husband had none and was ten years younger than wife. After many attempts, they fell pregnant through IVF with a donor egg, and she successfully carried to term.....she was 49 when baby was born. HOWEVER........ I don't think this was fair to the child..... his mother is old enough to be his grandmother, in fact he has neices and nephews older than him. I think there is good logic to menopause. His mother is too old to have the energy to discipline him...she's done it all before and probably feels she had the baby for the father moreso than for herself ....so she leaves it up to her husband......The father is overprotective and as a result the kid (now 5) is unsocialised, strange and spoilt rotten. When he is 18, his mother will be 70! I really don't think it is fair....... I think that any man who is attracted to and contemplating choosing to be with an older woman, especially one who has previously had and raised her children already and thinks she is finished, needs to accept that part of the package is potentially no children. Equally, for an older man to expect a younger woman who hasn't had kids, to not want to have kids is equally unfair, and unrealistic.
He should want to be with you for YOU!!!!!!
Just like I would hope any other partner would stay in their marriage if they discovered they were unable to reproduce. If he wants a baby that desperately, he might need to find a younger, more fertile and enthusiastic partner.
At 34 I'm about to have baby number 4, and I can tell you I'm bloody exhausted...all the time! I applaud you for not wanting to necessarily start again..... I can't ever imagine wanting to start again in another 16 years....if I'm tired now, I can't imagine what it would be like then! I hope by then I'll start looking forward to having grandchildren, and if I happen to be in a situation with a new partner, perhaps he could share grandparenting with me instead! Good luck.... I think you probably know in your heart what you want to do!

Answer 6

His concern for you, your health, and your feelings should be more important than it seems to be. You have raised/are raising five children already and it is totally understandable that you not want any more -- even if you were ten years younger and not sterilized. Stand firm!! Perhaps he's making this to be a big deal (for him) as an excuse to break up with you if you don't comply. If so, let him go -- you can do better with someone who really cares about you!

Answer 7

without being sterilised it would take a miracle to get a women your age pregnant you will have hardly any eggs left as it is.. and you have been steralised i wouldnt go to the trouble to get it reversed when you allready no you cant have children.. why not adopt or try ivf im sure you will still have some valid eggs left if not you have 5 children and im sure if he loves you ell understand

Answer 8

There are plenty of Children in America (assuming that is where you are) That need homes.
You could also foster a child. So many Children need a loving home.

Answer 9

Let him go now,if it means that much to him to have kids.Because if you can't concieve and you know he will want a child let the relationship go so you won't be hurt in the long run.You can try and talk to him 1st and see what he has to say but it's no need in dragging something on that you know you'll have no control over in the long run.It sounds harsh but it's true.

Answer 10

If he already has kids tell him that both of your kids makes a family and thats all you need and since you are almost 50 tell him you don't have patience for anymore and hopefully he will understand

Answer 11

talk to your doctor about getting it reversed or since you are kind of getting to the older years you could see if you could have some eggs taken out and get a surrogate mother. if you don't want anymore children then just tell him that. otherwise it will cause big problems in your relationship if you just avoid it. best of luck!!