Do you think I should leave?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 20 month old son together, we own a beautiful house in Colorado and we both worked until he said we can afford for me to stay home with our son. (So i did and have been a stay at home mom for almost 1 year)My husband recently decided that we should move to New Jersey.He claimed that we would have a better life their because he wanted to start his own business there.So he transfered from his job, they gave him a raise, and he started his business as well. My son and I came here a month ago, and its been MISERABLE.my husband has turned into a complete ***.We live in his sisters basement (who by the way, hates me) he is constantly yelling at me And now, after all the talk of "we'll be better off here and make more money"he tells me that I have to put my son in day care and get a job.I had a job that I loved in Colorado, and a house.I had to give everything I loved up. would I would be better off leaving?,

I have suggested couseling, he outright refused. ( Why see a counselor? I know whats wrong with our marriage, You!, he said) I know it seems like i just want to quit, but im not saying get divorced, I think maybe I should go back home, Get my job back, that pays more then any job ive seen around here, take my son to my sister so she can watch him, (instead of a daycare) and for free. And then when we have enough saved to buy a second house, Ill come back if things are better. I just dont think I can do it, Im so miserable here, And to top that off have to work and rarely see my son. And so everyone knows, things with us this isnt our rough patch, this is rough patch #10, definately the roughest one yet.

He knew that I did not want to come to NJ, I made it 100% clear to him. I told him it wouldnt work because his family is way to nosey, the constantly pry into our business etc. He said I should support his decision, and if I didnt, he'd go by himself and we would get divorced. So I was basically forced into moving here. I came because I want my son to be with his father, and I love my husband, The conditions for me coming here was, I can finally begin Nursing school (there is a 2 year waiting list back home. No waiting list here in NJ) He wouldnt make me go back to work so that I could concentrate on nursing school)

Answer 1

No, don't give up on the relationship so quickly. Every marriage has a rough period, and this is yours. You'll be better off working through it. It sounds to me like you are not communicating very well with your husband. You need to express your frustrations to him, and ask him to share his long-term and short-term plans with you. Perhaps there is reason to his madness, and once you understand it and see the light at the end of the tunnel, you'll be able to work through this difficult time together, as a couple. Good luck.

Answer 2

I can understand your being upset with the situation. However, I do not think that this is something that you should end your marriage over. You two have just made drastic changes in your life together. That alone is bound to contribute to more frequent arguments. You husband is probably feeling the pressure of things not taking off as quickly as he had hoped. You need to sit down with him and have a talk. Ask him what you can do to help you both adjust to your new life. You should also make it clear that you do not enjoy being yelled at and that you would greatly appreciate him not raising his voice at you. Perhaps you should go ahead and find yourself a job. This will offer you the chance to make some new friends and the extra income will enable you to move out of his sisters basement and into a home of your own.
Every couple has their ups and downs. You need to make a genuine effort to make this work before you walk out. If you still find yourself unhappy with the situation a few months from now, then it might be time to consider a separation. If you have had a job during that time, you will have the financial means to support yourself and your child. Keep your head up, things will get better.:)

Answer 3

Do you think you would be better off leaving? You can't just up and leave when things get hard. When you left to NJ, you had to have some sort of agreement. It's a tough situation but you are gonna have to live with it. Why make it harder by leaving, making it difficult for your son because he can't see his father, possible divorce and just overall pain? Sometimes you just have to make the most of your situation and do the best you can. So you have to find a job...big deal! Just because it's not CO doesn't mean you can't make it work somewhere else. I am not saying that what he did was right, but how many times have every single couple in this world made all the right decisions? 0. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

I went through the same exact situation...and my sister in law was a total b*tch ....but let me give you my outlook on the situation. If you leave and go back...you will be by yourself...still have to get a job..probably make less money and be pretty miserable still...right now you are in a new environment where you dont know anyone...probably dont have anyone from your side of the family around and dont have any friends there...I say give it at least 6 months...find a job...you will meet more people that way...your son will start getting social skills being in daycare and learn to interact with other children...you will hopefully both make good money and end up liking it there...if not then move back...but trust me at least try it for 6 months...that is the determining point...ive been through the same situation twice...so i know how you feel! good luck

Answer 5

No i dont think you should leave over something like this. Maybe he really did think you guys would be better off there, and come to find out he was wrong, and man hate to admit when they are wrong. Im sure hes feeling the pain as well. Thick or thin thats what you married, tough times happen alot in a relashionship and he made a wrong choice and now the times are tough. But you will pull through things. just give it time to cool down and see what happenes. Im sure he never meant to make this happen. You loved this man at one point. reconnect with that, be a team and make life happen again :) make yourselves happy

Answer 6

Your husband is just having a hard time ...Do what you think is right if you love him then stay.Maybe you could live in Colorado while he lives there.If hes forcing you to stay then you would be better off without him and you should take your son with you.You should tell your husband that your relationship is filled with love and companionship not forcing people to do things.You should have discussed with him about how you feel about moving to New Jersey.I think you should leave their are plenty more fish in the sea find someone who will discuss a stunt like this before making it i think you should listen to your heart and mind.

Answer 7

So let me get this straight....you moved and he got a raise AND started his business...and you have to live in someone's basement????

Honey, do you have ANY idea how much money is coming into the household and/or where it's going??? If not, you better be finding out RIGHT NOW.

Sounds like your husband may be dumping money into a business that's going downhill instead of getting his own family a home. So find out where the cash is, and sit down with your hubby and tell him you've done EXACTLY what he wanted you to do and he better start being honest and treating you right or you're out the door.

AND MEAN IT.

Answer 8

I would give it more than a month. You guys should definitely get a place of your own as soon as possible. Your husband could be stressed because he made a big decision on behalf of his family and it's not going as planned. That's a lot to carry on one's shoulders. Get the job to help take some weight off his shoulders and try to talk to him about his feelings on the move without placing any blame.

Answer 9

I wouldn't think so. It's a rough patch and you guys would be better in the long run trying to work this out. I don't think he intentionally meant to deceive you. He probably thought it would be better off there. You need to discuss with him how you feel and work as a team to make it better for all 3 of you. And it sounds like the first step is moving out of that basement!

Answer 10

You should have a serious discussion with your husband and express to him how you feel. Perhaps even seeing a marriage counselor. I would not throw a 5 year marriage without first trying to work things out. If things keep persisting and his behavior does not change after your discussion, then perhaps it is time for you to move on without him. You too deserve to be happy and be with someone who is not mentally/emotionally/physically abusive to you. Best wishes!